How can I get over a mild fear of heights and enjoy my balcony?

June 29, 2013 1:56 PM

I live on the 24th floor of a highrise apartment building. I have a kick-ass balcony. Seriously, the view is incredible, and I get some amazing afternoon sun. However, I also have a mild (??) fear of heights that keeps me from really appreciating it. Now that our fleeting summer's here, I've realized I don't want to go another year not being able to enjoy my balcony!

It's the pretty typical fear of heights I suppose -- when i get too close to the railing all I can think about is that I'm a foot from death and it feels like something's pulling me towards it. As long as I'm more than an arms length away from the balcony ledge I'm a little better, but my no means completely relaxed. My balcony is long and narrow, so missing out of foot+ of width is a pretty limiting restriction. I can lean on the edge for a few seconds without a crazy freakout (my height-related freakouts and few and far between, but they have happened), but it's just a super uncomfortable, anxiety-ridden feeling that doesn't go away until I'm safely back inside.

Any ideas on how to get over this that don't involve therapy? (Of all my issues to go to therapy for, this one's pretty far down the list!) I just want to hang out in my sun and enjoy it!

posted by cgg to Health & Fitness (15 answers total)

We have a hammock our balcony that's parallel to the building, so you can be outside enjoying the balcony and the view but not feel like you're going to fall. It also helps that our balcony is inset, not just attached to the building and hanging off.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 2:03 PM on June 29, 2013

Or put a bunch of plants in that outside foot. Still taking advantage of the balcony.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 2:09 PM on June 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

Sit, don't stand on the balcony. Being lower in a chair will make you feel much more grounded and stable but with all the benefits of the view.
posted by saradarlin at 2:18 PM on June 29, 2013 [7 favorites]

1. Breathe. Slowly, one-two-three-four, in through the nose, one-two-three-four out through the mouth.

2. Thought replacement. Every time anxiety about the height of the balcony starts, say to yourself 'STOP' and then think of something calming and pleasant in place of the worry.

3. Distract yourself. Spend time on the balcony doing something other than staring off into the distance. Puzzles, reading, anything to take your mind somewhere else and/or keep it occupied.

4. Make yourself comfortable. A hammock is a good idea, but doesn't exactly provide a lot of stability. Maybe drag a comfy chair out and plonk it down, even if it doesn't fit elegantly or 'tie the balcony together'.
posted by carsonb at 2:20 PM on June 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

Definitely don't feel like you have to deal with your fear all at once. If you feel most comfortable sitting a couple of feet away from the edge, do that. Do it for as long as feels comfortable to you. Then, once you feel really good about that, move a few inches closer. Keep doing that until you're sitting where you'd like to be.

Also, don't feel like you have to lean over the edge in order to count as "appreciating" your balcony. I get a twinge of vertigo when I look down from great heights, so I just don't do it. And I don't consider myself to have any problem with heights. It can just be a preference, like preferring certain colors or flavors. You may find that you always prefer not to lean right up against high-up railings, and that's perfectly okay. The point is to enjoy yourself, and you can do that just as easily from a foot away from the edge.
posted by decathecting at 2:21 PM on June 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

I don't have a phobia about heights, but I do have a healthy fear about things going wrong.

What I do to get comfortable in situations like that is to slowly, carefully test things. Get a chari and sit just inside the door. Maybe put a table just outside the door and use that for your drink. Then move the chair outside and get comfortable doing that. Finally, get comfortable sitting fully outside. Maybe jump up and down right outside the door. Move further out. Sit down, and kick the railing. Do things that are absolutely safe, but that "prove up" the safety of the balcony to your mind.

Also, I personally feel more anxious when I feel constricted. Like, if there are a bunch of plants around, like I'm going to trip and somehow comically fall off the balcony. So keep it nice and clear of stuff. There is also a balance between concealing the height for comfort, and concealing it too much and getting startled when the height is revealed. You are just as high inside the building as on the balcony, but that one step makes a huge difference psychologically, doesn't it? Similarly, we almost never fall down inside, but when we get on that balcony, we get terrified that we will somehow fall. So putting some kind of screening on the railing might be a good idea, as long as when you are sitting down, you don't lose complete sight of the height. (Because when you stand up, you'll be reminded and feel woozy.

But really, the trick is to work slowly and do the thing that terrifies you, but without escalating the adrenalin. If you feel anxious, back off until you calm down a little and then try again.
posted by gjc at 2:36 PM on June 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

We stayed in London last week in this apartment. Check out the picture of the balcony. In their case, the view straight out was great, but just down below is a gigantic construction site for a new tube station. It's also only on the third floor, but my point is that the balcony was very enjoyable with this little covering. If you can do something similar, you can enjoy the view without having to think about how far down it is to the ground.
posted by raisingsand at 2:48 PM on June 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

Good ideas above. Plants will make it seem like more of a "defined" space and give a grounded illusion that is comforting. Start slow and low. Chair right by the door and just sit and breath for ten minutes. Do that a couple times a week, at least. Doing it with a glass of wine in the evening is best of all ;) Use a small grill and cook something that can be done quickly--even if you have to eat it inside to feel comfortable, the more time you spend out, the more comfortable you'll eventually feel. If a chair is too much, use an air mattress at first.

If your building allows it, you might think about lattice work. 8x4 pieces of lattice placed all around would give it an enclosed feel as well as giving you privacy. Make sure you anchor it down well with wire or zip ties.

Don't be leaning on the edge at this point. As a matter of fact, just stay away from the edge to avoid generating that low level fear. It will take a month or two of just staying close to the building but being outside, then you'll be swinging from the balcony.**

**OK, don't do this.
posted by BlueHorse at 3:47 PM on June 29, 2013

I hear ya: I'm 'only' on the 16th floor, and I don't have a balcony, but boy was it ever hard at first to even stand very close to the windows!

What is your balcony like? I mean, is it a simple metal guard rail with lots of open space and open on the sides; or is it more enclosed, with a wall on one or both sides and a more solidly opaque rail? If it's an open rail, perhaps making it look more solid will help --- maybe use thin matting up against the rail.
posted by easily confused at 4:05 PM on June 29, 2013

I am also going to suggest sitting down, but sit down on the actual deck (get a comfy cushion). Get comfortable with that then move to a chair. Flower boxes along the railing are an excellent idea for keeping you away from the edge, plus they're pretty! Look out, not down (this is easier to do when sitting down).

Good luck!
posted by deborah at 4:05 PM on June 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

Gradual desensitization.

Find a place to sit/stand/hang out that doesn't frazzle you in the least. Spend a good amount of time there. And very gradually (i.e. days, not hours or minutes, between adjustments) inch up.....so gradually that you never feel a full pang of terror. You never ever want that gulping feeling. If you get it, you weren't gradual enough, so start over.

During the course of this, don't ever go near he edge. In fact, don't ever go nearer to the edge than the distance you're currently restricting yourself to. Be religious about it.
posted by Quisp Lover at 4:41 PM on June 29, 2013

"Fear of falling is actually fear of jumping" is what I actually tell myself and then think of all the reasons I am not going to jump and then I feel better. And then I get a chair.
posted by jessamyn at 4:49 PM on June 29, 2013 [5 favorites]

2nding sitting on the floor of the balcony. Heights don't usually bother me, but when I went to the Grand Canyon a few years ago, it made me pretty woozy, and I coped by sitting on the ground to look at the view. Maybe you could get some nice floor cushions or poufs, and just sit out there on the floor, with your back to the wall. It definitely feels safer when your whole body is below the level of the railing.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 7:48 AM on June 30, 2013

It helps me a lot to understand the mechanics of things like this, to understand they were built this way to very exacting codes, overbuilt actually, to visualize the beams or rebar or other structure that is holding this strongly and well, and to think about all the thousands of collective human-days and nights people have been enjoying their balconies with no ill effects, and that I'm not a special person and not likely to have a different experience than they have.

That, in combination with the good advice above, helps. Gradual desensitization helps too.
posted by Miko at 8:55 AM on June 30, 2013

The more you say to yourself This is scary, the more it is reinforced. Instead say to yourself I'm feeling the emotion of fear. The emotion won't hurt me, and the emotion will pass. Remind yourself why the balcony is safe. The balcony is well-constructed, and the railing is very sturdy. Sitting on the balcony in the sun/ enjoying the sunset/ watching the stars will feel pleasant. Sit on the balcony every nice day, even if it's for just 15 minutes. (desensitization) If the railing is open, do get something to visually block it. Straw beach mats are cheap, and you can ziptie them to an open railing. The sense of vertigo is atavistic - you generally should feel afraid of great heights, but, in this case, the height is safe and protected.
posted by theora55 at 10:49 AM on June 30, 2013