Life would be so much simpler if I just didn't like anyone.
June 24, 2013 11:19 PM Subscribe
How do you stop yourself from developing crushes on people?
posted by dekathelon to human relations (29 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
Most people seem to like having crushes on people, is the impression I get. I can't stand it. I dread it. Every time it happens it is the beginning of the end. I guess the linchpin here is whether there's any hope for them to be reciprocated, which for me there never is. I am not the sort of person people have crushes on; there's nothing going for me, so no one ever has. I'm not the sort of person you'd want to have a crush on you; it's like if Lena Hyena from the cartoons liked you. So I try not to let on, for their sake and for my sake. The best case scenario is that they don't notice; slightly less OK scenario is that they try to ignore it and feel weird; worst case scenario, they take advantage of it. (The worst case scenario happened to me recently and in part because of it I've lost all my friends.) At this point I've racked up at least 14 years of my life being worsened by having crushes on people. So the logical thing to do would be not to get crushes on people, because nothing good can come of them and I don't need more things in my life that make it worse, my life has enough of those on its own. But I don't know how to stop it.
Right now, for instance, I have five crushes that it is wrong to. I get why I have them - we seem to have a lot in common, I like how they look, everything they do is adorable, I can picture lives together - but that doesn't make them good or useful or right. In three cases it's wrong because they have very long-term, very serious girlfriends -- like, I'm pretty sure weddings are within a year or two serious -- so obviously I would never act on these, and even more obviously, neither is reciprocated. (I don't always get crushes on people with girlfriends, this is just a sad coincidence.) The other two are exes who dumped me. I don't want to have crushes on any of them. Nothing good can come of that. I want to be friends with them, is what I want, but this muddies the waters. Best case scenario, it makes the dynamic too awkward to make friends, worst case I'm one of those horrible people with ulterior motives you read about in friend-zone rants.
None of the methods I've read about work. I've tried dating other people - almost the entire city, it seems - and it's never worked, not only in that it hasn't gotten me into a relationship but that it hasn't shaken any of the crushes on anyone else. One of three things happen: they don't call for a second date, they do call but I'm not attracted to them and end up on soul-sucking date after another until I can't take any more, or I do develop a crush on the new guy and then it's the same problem: they get the upper hand and generally use it. I don't have dirt on any of them to imagine instead. Picturing people using the toilet or whatever does nothing either way (it baffles me how that can have an effect on anyone.) If I stop thinking about it, it'll come right back the next time I see them, or I'll have a dream. If I stay inside all the time they still exist on Twitter or wherever.
Sorry if this seemed incoherent. But you get the gist.