How much detail do I have to give?
June 18, 2013 5:42 PM Subscribe
I am going to have to quit a seasonal job due to health issues. Do I need to tell my boss exactly what the issue is?
I have a seasonal job in a different state than my permanent residence. I'm having a health issue that may take awhile to get under control and I feel it's best to do this in my hometown. I don't want to share the details with my boss since it is a mental health issue, but it seems evasive just to say "health problems". Do I have to tell her what the actual problem is? We're also friends, so I feel I owe her more of an explanation. Do I really?
I have a seasonal job in a different state than my permanent residence. I'm having a health issue that may take awhile to get under control and I feel it's best to do this in my hometown. I don't want to share the details with my boss since it is a mental health issue, but it seems evasive just to say "health problems". Do I have to tell her what the actual problem is? We're also friends, so I feel I owe her more of an explanation. Do I really?
I'd suggest that you consider whether your boss is your friend, or just friendly with you. There's a big difference there.
That said, do you have to disclose details:
To this person in their capacity as your boss: Nope.
To this person in their capacity as your acquaintance or friend: Maybe a little. What ThePinkSuperhero said is good.
Best of luck to you.
posted by absquatulate at 6:01 PM on June 18, 2013
That said, do you have to disclose details:
To this person in their capacity as your boss: Nope.
To this person in their capacity as your acquaintance or friend: Maybe a little. What ThePinkSuperhero said is good.
Best of luck to you.
posted by absquatulate at 6:01 PM on June 18, 2013
This is your boss, not your doctor. You don't have to tell them anything. Just say "something came up and I need to move closer to my family." You have no obligation to tell them anything.
Remember, if the company needed to, they'd lay you off in a heartbeat, with no explanation.
posted by colin_l at 6:13 PM on June 18, 2013 [8 favorites]
Remember, if the company needed to, they'd lay you off in a heartbeat, with no explanation.
posted by colin_l at 6:13 PM on June 18, 2013 [8 favorites]
Why in the world would you owe an employer any information about why you're quitting? What am I missing here?
posted by Unified Theory at 6:14 PM on June 18, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by Unified Theory at 6:14 PM on June 18, 2013 [8 favorites]
I think the dilemma is caused by the boss also being a friend. I would just say you've got some health issues you need to take care of, then go on to talk about your great doctor at home, etc., etc. In other words, give some info that isn't super personal and hopefully that will distract your boss from what the actual issue is. If she has any social skills at all, she probably won't ask, but if she does you can just say "I'd rather not get into it" and make a yuck face. She'll assume it's something disgusting she doesn't want to hear about anyway. I would definitely NOT tell her or HR the real reason.
All the best to you for a speedy recovery.
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 6:19 PM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
All the best to you for a speedy recovery.
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 6:19 PM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you're quitting, you don't have to give a reason. "I'm submitting my resignation, effective in two weeks. Thank you for the opportunity to work here."
posted by xingcat at 6:35 PM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by xingcat at 6:35 PM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
She is your friend, so you should take a few extra moments to express regret that you can't stay on, hope that your departure won't negatively impact her team's ability to work through the holiday, and sincere regards as to how much you've enjoyed working for and with her.
As for the health issue, "I have an unexpected family health issue to deal with, and I'll be moving back home for the duration" is sufficient. Likely she won't pry, and if she does, just share that it's a private family matter that you'd rather not talk about, although you appreciate her interest and concern.
posted by davejay at 6:37 PM on June 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
As for the health issue, "I have an unexpected family health issue to deal with, and I'll be moving back home for the duration" is sufficient. Likely she won't pry, and if she does, just share that it's a private family matter that you'd rather not talk about, although you appreciate her interest and concern.
posted by davejay at 6:37 PM on June 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
it seems evasive just to say "health problems"
You do not have to give any answer at all. But in any case, this answer is not evasive. In fact, if your boss is a "normal" person, your boss will realize that your saying "health problems" is a big neon sign that says "back off and do not press for details."
posted by deanc at 6:38 PM on June 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
You do not have to give any answer at all. But in any case, this answer is not evasive. In fact, if your boss is a "normal" person, your boss will realize that your saying "health problems" is a big neon sign that says "back off and do not press for details."
posted by deanc at 6:38 PM on June 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
what?! yeah, seconding what everyone else says. You're quitting. You owe no explanation. "I'm sorry to be leaving, but I need to give my 2 weeks notice." It's a seasonal job anyway. They weren't expecting you to stay past the summer (?). If you want to try to get this job back in the future, then a small token - "I need to move back home for a while to take care of some personal stuff" would suffice.
posted by hydra77 at 10:00 PM on June 18, 2013
posted by hydra77 at 10:00 PM on June 18, 2013
I'm a strong advocate of telling a white lie in this situation. Saying you have to deal with your own health issue, especially a mental health issue, may hurt you if you want to work here again or need a reference (it shouldn't matter, but why risk it?). Better to say that our family is dealing with some health issues and that you're not comfortable sharing too many details.
Hope you have a speedy recovery!
posted by eisenkr at 11:13 PM on June 18, 2013
Hope you have a speedy recovery!
posted by eisenkr at 11:13 PM on June 18, 2013
Quitting is hard. Many people you meet will only have done it a handful of times. The first time I did it, I went to the Internet to find out how.
This is the resource I used then, and what I intend to continue to use when quitting:
iquit.org's resignation letter templates
You never, ever, have to give reasons. Quitting is something you're entitled to do at any time without needing to cite a reason, apologize to anyone or even justify.
Many organizations will have an 'exit interview' with an employee, where they might ask you questions like "why are you quitting?" and understand the circumstances, which is essentially there as a safety valve to catch corporate problems with the employees: what if a manager or managers are concealing problems in the organisation. If you have an exit interview, you might say health reasons, or you can elect to say that you're moving on, and ask to leave. Up to you.
posted by Jerub at 11:40 PM on June 18, 2013
This is the resource I used then, and what I intend to continue to use when quitting:
iquit.org's resignation letter templates
You never, ever, have to give reasons. Quitting is something you're entitled to do at any time without needing to cite a reason, apologize to anyone or even justify.
Many organizations will have an 'exit interview' with an employee, where they might ask you questions like "why are you quitting?" and understand the circumstances, which is essentially there as a safety valve to catch corporate problems with the employees: what if a manager or managers are concealing problems in the organisation. If you have an exit interview, you might say health reasons, or you can elect to say that you're moving on, and ask to leave. Up to you.
posted by Jerub at 11:40 PM on June 18, 2013
It's different to leave a large company (one with an HR department) and to leave a small company, especially an informal small company, where you might be friends with your boss and might have to just grab 5 minutes of your friend's time and tell them that you are leaving. If I'm right about the context of your job, then I think the HR meeting scripts above might be inappropriate for you. When you talk to your boss, stick to the tone you've used with her all along.
However, you still do not need to tell your boss what your health problems are, and she should not ask you! You could say "I need to move back home to take care of a health issue." Then if she asks for more detail, which you should NOT feel obligated to give, you could say something like "I'd really prefer not to say. I'm going to be fine, but it will be much easier for me to deal with it in my hometown."
And then if she asks any more questions, a) she's terrible! and b) you could say "Sorry, I really don't want to discuss it."
posted by snorkmaiden at 4:25 AM on June 19, 2013
However, you still do not need to tell your boss what your health problems are, and she should not ask you! You could say "I need to move back home to take care of a health issue." Then if she asks for more detail, which you should NOT feel obligated to give, you could say something like "I'd really prefer not to say. I'm going to be fine, but it will be much easier for me to deal with it in my hometown."
And then if she asks any more questions, a) she's terrible! and b) you could say "Sorry, I really don't want to discuss it."
posted by snorkmaiden at 4:25 AM on June 19, 2013
Use Xingcat's letter to quit. If you want to leave the door open to return, simply add, "I've enjoyed working with you and if I return to the area, I'd love a chance to do so again."
That's it. If you want to take FMLA, leaving your job open to return to in the future, you need to have that conversation with HR.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:17 AM on June 19, 2013
That's it. If you want to take FMLA, leaving your job open to return to in the future, you need to have that conversation with HR.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:17 AM on June 19, 2013
I doubt that FMLA applies, since you have to work there a year first. Here's some info on it.
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 9:15 AM on June 19, 2013
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 9:15 AM on June 19, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:45 PM on June 18, 2013