I don't want to be your lover, I just want to be your friend
June 9, 2013 6:36 PM Subscribe
Did I just unintentionally agree to a date with someone of the wrong gender?
posted by timsneezed to human relations (27 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
So there's this new girl I work with who is close to my age. I really like her as a person and would love to be friends with her. She's funny, smart and we have good rapport. Also, I'm low on female friends at the moment. She friended me on facebook the other day and posted a link to a song she thought I'd like on my wall.
Today at work we were bantering and having a good time as usual. I realized in the course of the conversation that she is definitely queer, which I had already suspected. She told me that she would be interested in dating some woman if this woman weren't engaged. I've talked before about guys I've dated in the past, so I thought she assumed I was straight (which I am).
We got on the subject of the L word and I mentioned that one of the actresses on it was pretty. At some point in the conversation she asked me and this guy we were working with if we'd like to come over to her place after work for drinks. I was excited because people I find cool rarely consider me friend material. That said I knew I was going to be wiped out after work so I asked her if I could take a rain check and hang out with her later in the week.
This is when the weirdness began. First of all, she was pouty that I didn't want to hang out with her that night, but in a cute, self-deprecating way. Then she kept saying, "are you SURE you want to hang out? You don't have to if you don't want to." She was making it into a joke but I could tell that she was genuinely insecure about it. I assured her that yes I'd like to hang out. Then she pulled out her phone to check her schedule and asked me which day. She said at this point, "I'm always too eager, that's the story of my life." I said, "I'm too eager with people too." She said, "What--you're the one who is saying you're too busy to hang out tonight!" This was followed with questions about what I wanted to do. I said I didn't really care, we could just chill at her place if she wanted. It was probably a mistake to suggest that.
It just seemed like this was becoming way bigger than I intended it to be, and I started to wonder if I had given her the wrong idea.
There were a couple of other things. When we were talking about what to do she said that she is really indecisive and I said so am I and she responded, "well, we'll get far."
Before she left work she made me promise I wouldn't flake on her. I told her I'd text her and she said, "OK, I'm not going to text you because you told me you'd text me."
So now I have no clue what just happened. Did I just agree to some sort of date or hookup? I don't know what to do because I do want to be friends with her, and the idea of going to her place and having to awkwardly reject her is awful. If I did just give her the wrong idea how can I right that?