Parking Etiquette
June 9, 2013 12:49 PM Subscribe
In a line of cars driving around a parking lot, waiting for a slot to open up, who is the bigger arsehole?
So you're at an outdoor public park in Portland, Oregon where there's a moderate-size festival going on. No hard-and-fast schedule: it's come when you like, stay as long as you want, then go home. The parking lot is mostly full, and people are driving around waiting for somebody to leave.
A is first in a line of a few parking-spot seekers, with no one in front of him (but also no apparent free spaces, so no particular reason to go faster). Back-up lights appear NEXT TO A's car (A will have to move so that the guy can leave). A puts on his blinkers, moves forward out of the guy's way, and waits for him to leave.
Meanwhile, B has been following A. B can see that nobody is in front of A, that A has moved so that the guy can leave, that A has turned on his blinkers, and there's room for B (plus C, D and E, who are all following each other) to drive past A and continue down the row and keep looking/waiting.
The car behind A (and in front of B) leaves, then A backs into the vacated slot. B is unhappy because A has stolen "his" spot.
Of the beans on this plate, which is (are) true:
1. A shouldn't have taken the spot.
2. B shouldn't have complained.
3. A should have expected his car to get keyed.
4. B shouldn't have keyed A's car.
5. A and B need to get a life.
So you're at an outdoor public park in Portland, Oregon where there's a moderate-size festival going on. No hard-and-fast schedule: it's come when you like, stay as long as you want, then go home. The parking lot is mostly full, and people are driving around waiting for somebody to leave.
A is first in a line of a few parking-spot seekers, with no one in front of him (but also no apparent free spaces, so no particular reason to go faster). Back-up lights appear NEXT TO A's car (A will have to move so that the guy can leave). A puts on his blinkers, moves forward out of the guy's way, and waits for him to leave.
Meanwhile, B has been following A. B can see that nobody is in front of A, that A has moved so that the guy can leave, that A has turned on his blinkers, and there's room for B (plus C, D and E, who are all following each other) to drive past A and continue down the row and keep looking/waiting.
The car behind A (and in front of B) leaves, then A backs into the vacated slot. B is unhappy because A has stolen "his" spot.
Of the beans on this plate, which is (are) true:
1. A shouldn't have taken the spot.
2. B shouldn't have complained.
3. A should have expected his car to get keyed.
4. B shouldn't have keyed A's car.
5. A and B need to get a life.
4 and 5.
I have gotten into these kinds of parking lot squabbles before, and there is nothing, nothing, NOTHING to be gained from engaging in this kind of BS. No one "owns" a parking space that they do not specifically pay for. Also, sometimes people are dicks. (In this case, B was a dick: if A was in front and had his blinkers on, he'd dibsed the space, no question. But also, if B had taken it - so what. It's a parking spot. There will be others. No one has died.) Never in my life have I confronted someone over a "stolen" parking spot, even when I've been annoyed about it, because IT IS NOT ACTUALLY MY PARKING SPACE, and also I am an adult.
Finally, even if someone is a dick to you, it is not OK to key their car. A friend of mine keyed someone's car once over a similar matter; I vowed to hold them at arm's length from that point on, because that is not something I want my friends to participate in. It's not acceptable. Obviously. It's a thing that people with anger management issues do.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 12:56 PM on June 9, 2013 [8 favorites]
I have gotten into these kinds of parking lot squabbles before, and there is nothing, nothing, NOTHING to be gained from engaging in this kind of BS. No one "owns" a parking space that they do not specifically pay for. Also, sometimes people are dicks. (In this case, B was a dick: if A was in front and had his blinkers on, he'd dibsed the space, no question. But also, if B had taken it - so what. It's a parking spot. There will be others. No one has died.) Never in my life have I confronted someone over a "stolen" parking spot, even when I've been annoyed about it, because IT IS NOT ACTUALLY MY PARKING SPACE, and also I am an adult.
Finally, even if someone is a dick to you, it is not OK to key their car. A friend of mine keyed someone's car once over a similar matter; I vowed to hold them at arm's length from that point on, because that is not something I want my friends to participate in. It's not acceptable. Obviously. It's a thing that people with anger management issues do.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 12:56 PM on June 9, 2013 [8 favorites]
You were A, right? As framed, the answer is as mollymayhem says 2, 4, 5. And I don't condone keying cars, ever.
But I can envision mitigating circumstances where B would feel "legitimately" aggrieved. Maybe they were actually there before A but A ended up "ahead of the line" because A ascended a ramp right in front of B, for instance? Who knows. Life's too short to go around fighting car-keyers, I'd say that for your future sanity you should leave the spot to the crazy person and find a different one, even if it's a big PITA.
posted by goingonit at 12:57 PM on June 9, 2013
But I can envision mitigating circumstances where B would feel "legitimately" aggrieved. Maybe they were actually there before A but A ended up "ahead of the line" because A ascended a ramp right in front of B, for instance? Who knows. Life's too short to go around fighting car-keyers, I'd say that for your future sanity you should leave the spot to the crazy person and find a different one, even if it's a big PITA.
posted by goingonit at 12:57 PM on June 9, 2013
They are all true. But keying a car is always a dick move and B should expect to get his ass beaten, either by A or sometime in the future by karma.
6. Park somewhere else and walk. You could probably use the exercise.
posted by Balonious Assault at 12:59 PM on June 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
6. Park somewhere else and walk. You could probably use the exercise.
posted by Balonious Assault at 12:59 PM on June 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
My feeling is that if you have driven too far to be able to stop and let the parked car back out, you missed your chance at at it and need to keep hunting. So, if I were A, I would grumble and drive on; if I were B, and A did what you described, I would grumble and go "what on earth is that guy doing?" but not stay aggravated about the situation for more than about half a second. So, 1, 2, 4 & 5.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 12:59 PM on June 9, 2013 [16 favorites]
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 12:59 PM on June 9, 2013 [16 favorites]
There was a keying over this? ffs.
If a space appears in front of, or level with, the lead car, it's their choice if they take it or not. Some people always back in, so they'll need to be in front of a space to take it. What's not okay is to force a line of cars to back up so you get "your" space. If you've missed an opening, well, there will be one along eventually.
(Then again, you're reading the advice of someone who will happily walk in a zigzag through a packed parking lot — keys in hand and appearing to be heading back to a car — only to keep walking out the other side of the lot, not having parked there at all. The look on their faces!)
posted by scruss at 1:04 PM on June 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
If a space appears in front of, or level with, the lead car, it's their choice if they take it or not. Some people always back in, so they'll need to be in front of a space to take it. What's not okay is to force a line of cars to back up so you get "your" space. If you've missed an opening, well, there will be one along eventually.
(Then again, you're reading the advice of someone who will happily walk in a zigzag through a packed parking lot — keys in hand and appearing to be heading back to a car — only to keep walking out the other side of the lot, not having parked there at all. The look on their faces!)
posted by scruss at 1:04 PM on June 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
They showed this video on parking lot rage the last time I took a defensive driving class.
posted by bukvich at 1:09 PM on June 9, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by bukvich at 1:09 PM on June 9, 2013 [5 favorites]
2, 4, 5.
OTOH I would never pull past a parking spot I was interested in, because that leaves room for the followers (B in this case) to be confused as to your intentions. Instead I would back up until there wasn't room to back up any more, then wait for B to back up some (which s/he will eventually do).
I think the space could be reasonably considered fair game if it is parallel with you or in front of you, but if it is behind you, the next guy gets it.
Also for future reference - if someone actually talks to you about a parking spot, I would consider getting his plate just in case of future incidents like this. People are crazy about parking. I once received a note, assprints on my car (!) and a decent attempt at key-ing because the driver felt that my tiny, tiny vehicle was inadequately centered in my parking space, meaning that his plus-sized SUV had difficulty parking (his SUV was big enough that even perfectly parked, it was a good 8 inches wider than his space, which is why the space was marked "compact").
People are crazy, try not to stress about it (though as I blithely say this, I will note that when I returned to the note and the cuss-words and the butt-prints and the key-ing attempt I didn't find it particularly funny and instead cried a bit).
posted by arnicae at 1:52 PM on June 9, 2013
OTOH I would never pull past a parking spot I was interested in, because that leaves room for the followers (B in this case) to be confused as to your intentions. Instead I would back up until there wasn't room to back up any more, then wait for B to back up some (which s/he will eventually do).
I think the space could be reasonably considered fair game if it is parallel with you or in front of you, but if it is behind you, the next guy gets it.
Also for future reference - if someone actually talks to you about a parking spot, I would consider getting his plate just in case of future incidents like this. People are crazy about parking. I once received a note, assprints on my car (!) and a decent attempt at key-ing because the driver felt that my tiny, tiny vehicle was inadequately centered in my parking space, meaning that his plus-sized SUV had difficulty parking (his SUV was big enough that even perfectly parked, it was a good 8 inches wider than his space, which is why the space was marked "compact").
People are crazy, try not to stress about it (though as I blithely say this, I will note that when I returned to the note and the cuss-words and the butt-prints and the key-ing attempt I didn't find it particularly funny and instead cried a bit).
posted by arnicae at 1:52 PM on June 9, 2013
I don't know about your numbering thing, but I will say this.
I am kind of oblivious about parking lot etiquette, because until very recently I lived in New York City where that basically doesn't exist. And I think this stuff is boring and pointless, anyway. And I tend to zone out while idling along in a parking lot looking for a spot.
It has happened that I have been Car B in your situation, have started going for the spot, and had the driver of Car A honk, glare, wave me away, etc.
My takeaway was that I was the oblivious idiot for not realizing that the reason the seas just parted and a spot appeared was that there was some communication between the exiting car and Car A. In every situation like that, I have graciously vacated the spot and let Car A take it with no hostility, because yeah, they waited.
Also usually I'm just itching to get around Car A and go find my own damn spot. I hate the line of cars idling along nonsense. There's a spot for everyone. Why the fuck are you waiting for this one jackass to load his trunk, get in his car, turn on his stereo, find his sunglasses, put in his bluetooth, call his mom, etc? Why not just go find a spot that is actually empty?
posted by Sara C. at 2:06 PM on June 9, 2013 [4 favorites]
I am kind of oblivious about parking lot etiquette, because until very recently I lived in New York City where that basically doesn't exist. And I think this stuff is boring and pointless, anyway. And I tend to zone out while idling along in a parking lot looking for a spot.
It has happened that I have been Car B in your situation, have started going for the spot, and had the driver of Car A honk, glare, wave me away, etc.
My takeaway was that I was the oblivious idiot for not realizing that the reason the seas just parted and a spot appeared was that there was some communication between the exiting car and Car A. In every situation like that, I have graciously vacated the spot and let Car A take it with no hostility, because yeah, they waited.
Also usually I'm just itching to get around Car A and go find my own damn spot. I hate the line of cars idling along nonsense. There's a spot for everyone. Why the fuck are you waiting for this one jackass to load his trunk, get in his car, turn on his stereo, find his sunglasses, put in his bluetooth, call his mom, etc? Why not just go find a spot that is actually empty?
posted by Sara C. at 2:06 PM on June 9, 2013 [4 favorites]
"They showed this video on parking lot rage the last time I took a defensive driving class."
In case anyone doesn't recognize it, that's Jane Kaczmarek in a scene from Malcolm in the Middle.
posted by Room 641-A at 2:16 PM on June 9, 2013
In case anyone doesn't recognize it, that's Jane Kaczmarek in a scene from Malcolm in the Middle.
posted by Room 641-A at 2:16 PM on June 9, 2013
1, 4, 5. You pass it, you pass it up. Trying to claim a space behind you is a dick move. Cruising a parking lot is a simple game of roulette played according to the rules of maximum efficiency and fairness: If a space in front of you opens up, you stop, let the guy out, and slide right in. If you've gone so far that you'd have to back up, keep driving. Don't worry, somebody else will leave.
posted by HotToddy at 2:43 PM on June 9, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by HotToddy at 2:43 PM on June 9, 2013 [9 favorites]
I always thought that if you pass it and need to back up to get into the spot, it's not really your spot any longer. Sometimes I have done what I thought was a dick move and tried to back up quickly (as long as no one behind me is too close), and I do this as soon as I see the parking lights come on, but I've always felt bad about that. But so many people are saying that B is wrong in this scenario, so maybe there's no hard and fast rule.
posted by juliagulia at 3:04 PM on June 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by juliagulia at 3:04 PM on June 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
6. All of the above. You pass it, you lose it.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 3:21 PM on June 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by SuperSquirrel at 3:21 PM on June 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
1,4,5: There is a special place on my arsehole list for people who hold up parking lot traffic because they have to be a snowflake and back into a parking spot.
posted by kimberussell at 3:35 PM on June 9, 2013 [10 favorites]
posted by kimberussell at 3:35 PM on June 9, 2013 [10 favorites]
Omg, so many people *always* back into spaces around here.
My husband told me it's a military thing, so I tend to be cool about those who back into spaces....
posted by Kronur at 4:33 PM on June 9, 2013
My husband told me it's a military thing, so I tend to be cool about those who back into spaces....
posted by Kronur at 4:33 PM on June 9, 2013
The way you've presented it, it sounds like B was in the wrong--clearly the cars between A and B were assuming A would take the spot, so B should have worked out A was intending to take it, else there's nothing to motivate those other cars to move. It also sounds like A was indicating. (I'm a little unclear on this. I read 'blinkers' to mean 'hazard lights', but that makes no sense.)
However, I would generally say that if you pass a spot, you don't get to back into it. So A is wrong in the sense that they created the situation.
posted by hoyland at 4:51 PM on June 9, 2013
However, I would generally say that if you pass a spot, you don't get to back into it. So A is wrong in the sense that they created the situation.
posted by hoyland at 4:51 PM on June 9, 2013
The issue isn't whether or not car A is wrong.
The issue is whether or not car A is giving people a reason to think he missed the spot by driving past it in the first place.
I get that you prefer backing into a spot. There are times when common sense says to do what's smart rather than what you prefer. Passing by a spot so you can back in isn't smart if there are other cars competing to get that same spot.
The answer to your question is:
1
2
3
4
5
In other words, all of the above.
posted by 2oh1 at 7:05 PM on June 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
The issue is whether or not car A is giving people a reason to think he missed the spot by driving past it in the first place.
I get that you prefer backing into a spot. There are times when common sense says to do what's smart rather than what you prefer. Passing by a spot so you can back in isn't smart if there are other cars competing to get that same spot.
The answer to your question is:
1
2
3
4
5
In other words, all of the above.
posted by 2oh1 at 7:05 PM on June 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'd sadly think I'd missed my chance on the space, and keep going, if I was merely beside a car when it put on its reverse lights / started up. Backing into a space I've gone past feels like breaking whatever rules I have in my head for parking lot etiquette.
I think the key dynamic is that one can claim a spot one is approching, but if you've passed the point where you can easily turn into that spot, you move on.
Assuming the "your car getting keyed" implication wasn't humor, I'd call the police (at the very least to get a report for my insurance claim, but also mention there was conflict over a space and describe the car with the irate driver). If the keying bit didn't happen and was only a poor attempt at humor, it changed your AskMe for the worse as it left the circumstances of your conflict with the other driver vague and confusing. If the keying happened it should have been in your story as well as the options for who is an asshole.
I read 'blinkers' to mean 'hazard lights', but that makes no sense.
Lots of people call turn signals blinkers, and I'm pretty sure that's what the OP meant, though they probably should have said "blinker" in the singular. Around here (I assumed everywhere in the U.S. anyhow) one "claims" a parking spot one is approaching by turning on the turn signal on the side where the opening spot is.
posted by aught at 8:15 AM on June 10, 2013
I think the key dynamic is that one can claim a spot one is approching, but if you've passed the point where you can easily turn into that spot, you move on.
Assuming the "your car getting keyed" implication wasn't humor, I'd call the police (at the very least to get a report for my insurance claim, but also mention there was conflict over a space and describe the car with the irate driver). If the keying bit didn't happen and was only a poor attempt at humor, it changed your AskMe for the worse as it left the circumstances of your conflict with the other driver vague and confusing. If the keying happened it should have been in your story as well as the options for who is an asshole.
I read 'blinkers' to mean 'hazard lights', but that makes no sense.
Lots of people call turn signals blinkers, and I'm pretty sure that's what the OP meant, though they probably should have said "blinker" in the singular. Around here (I assumed everywhere in the U.S. anyhow) one "claims" a parking spot one is approaching by turning on the turn signal on the side where the opening spot is.
posted by aught at 8:15 AM on June 10, 2013
Back-up lights appear NEXT TO A's car (A will have to move so that the guy can leave)
The driver of this car could have prevented all this by suddenly realizing they forgot something, shutting the car off, and walking back towards the festival.
Clearly, they were the one in the wrong.
Also, the festival needs to have people working the parking lot to help direct people to empty spaces, rather than letting A, B, C, D, and E drive around in circles.
Oh, and 5.
posted by yohko at 6:54 PM on June 10, 2013
The driver of this car could have prevented all this by suddenly realizing they forgot something, shutting the car off, and walking back towards the festival.
Clearly, they were the one in the wrong.
Also, the festival needs to have people working the parking lot to help direct people to empty spaces, rather than letting A, B, C, D, and E drive around in circles.
Oh, and 5.
posted by yohko at 6:54 PM on June 10, 2013
You can't vulture from in front or beside a spot. I mean, you can, but it's a sketchy move, etiquette-wise.
posted by Lexica at 7:28 PM on June 11, 2013
posted by Lexica at 7:28 PM on June 11, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by mollymayhem at 12:55 PM on June 9, 2013