I like her, she doesn't like me, but she won't go away.
September 21, 2005 8:07 AM Subscribe
DatingFilter: She knows I have feelings for her which she doesn't reciprocate, but she won't leave me alone.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (64 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I met her in August 2004 - she worked in the same office as me (as a peer, but one year below in seniority). We quickly hit it off and became friends. I wanted to take it beyond friendship, but it didn't happen (my approach was definitely sub-optimal). What did happen is that we had several stretches during which we became unusually close friends and did things that an outside observe might have confused with the activities of a couple (one-on-one outings that seemed very "date"-like, long phone conversations, etc). These would last a couple months until she decided I was getting too close and woudl give me the cold-shoulder - I would respond by leaving her alone for a week or so. The week would turn into longer periods of awkward avoidance that lasted for weeks or months. This cycle repeated itself about 3 times (we didn't talk during the months of October, December-January '05, and April-August). The last instance was pretty direct - she asked why I was ignoring her and I responded that my unreciprocating feelings for her made me frustrated. She asked if I could get over it and be friends - my answer was no and silence ensued. So, doing the math, we spent more time avoiding each other than we did actually being friends.
I moved to the opposite coast in July. Out of the blue, she called me a couple weeks ago. I, being naively optimistic, took her call and we've been exchanging calls/emails ever since. She's planning a vacation to visit her family (who live in my city) for passover and her birthday at the end of this month. She's talking about cancelling her birthday plans with family/friends to go out to dinner and a show with me alone (her idea, not mine). Again, a very "date"-like activity.
My question is: does she think my feelings will have changed over the last 5 months? They didn't change over our previous periods of silence. And if she still assumes (correctly) that I have feelings for her and doesn't have feelings for me, why does she want to start this cycle all over again?