Fear and Loving in NYC
June 5, 2013 12:59 PM Subscribe
Why am I not successful in love and lust?
posted by nob'dy to human relations (35 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
So, this will seem like a shallow question, and you can feel free to judge me. Here's the thing: I recently moved to NY from a university town, and my sex life has evaporated. I go out, I talk to women, I'm actually fairly good at initiating conversations, I've even made out a few times. But follow-ups don't seem to be forthcoming, and I still haven't gone home with anyone. I'm attractive and tall, and I dress well, but I also have what others have described as "aspergers-like" qualities - abrupt movement, hyper-logical speech, bluntness. It's my longest period without sex in my adult life and it's beginning to consume me in a very strong way. I have to take Klonopin just to stem the anxiety from going this long without sex.
There are two things going on: I'm looking for women that I'd like to date long term, and I'm looking for people to just hook up with to break the spell of celibacy, which has begun to dominate every moment of my waking life. Neither seem to be forthcoming. In a city where casual sex is so predominant, I'm trying to figure out what monstrosity of personality prevents me from ever having it.
Caveat 1: I refuse to invite people to my place, 1) because it's way too far off the beaten track and 2) because my roommate is awful. In other words, for anything to happen, the other person would have to invite me over.
Caveat 2: I don't want to lower my standards. The people I was dating and flirting with in NC were interesting, fun, cool, beautiful people. I don't feel like I should have to sacrifice that in NY.