How to get over this urequited crush or limerence?
June 4, 2013 4:11 AM Subscribe
I have had feelings for my thesis advisor for a number of years. He is very extroverted and charming and what I always thought were signs that he is interested in me, I now see that it's just his personality. He is in an on/off relationship with a woman with whom he has 2 children. I want to get rid of these feelings and don't know how.
posted by sabina_r to Human Relations (14 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I see him nearly every day as we are involved in a number of projects together. This man has been very helpful and kind to me through my (part time) candidature. He has also helped with networking contacts and furthering my career. I wish I didn't have these feelings that I do.
Sometimes he is all I think about, other times I can get distracted with other things. At the back of my mind is always "what if?". There are no objective signs that he is romantically interested in me. He generally has very casual relationships with students and co-workers. He texts, writes late night jokey emails and shares a lot about his personal life. I mistook it for interest but now see that it is meaningless. I am pretty sure that he finds me physically attractive but with men, it doesn't mean much.
I also think that he is aware of my attraction but chooses to ignore it. He often does things that make it obvious of how little importance I am to him on the grand scale of things and I can't help but feel hurt. I manage to regain some rationality about the whole thing and the hurt passes over. But I don't want to dwell on this hopeless situation at all.
While professionally it is very good for me to stay where I am (even post completion of thesis), I can't help but feel that I need to move on from him by actually leaving this place and not seeing him anymore. Or is there a way to get rid of these feelings and keep working here?
The other part of it is that he occupied so much of my head space for so long, that I feel I have wasted so much time and the only way to justify it is to make something happen with him. This kind of sounds crazy, no?
My feelings for him don't stop me from dating others but I do compare how little I feel for the men I date to this man. I have this romantic notion that he will fall in love with me and we will live happily ever after.
Someone please snap me out of this delusion.