Please help me stop spending money that I don't have.

June 1, 2013 7:21 PM

I keep buying things that I cannot afford, which forced me to dip into savings over and over again. I have a credit card balance that I cannot pay off this month, which has never happened to me before in my life. I'm feeling helpless, and I am angry at myself for letting this happen. I haven't quite reached paycheck to paycheck status (I am about 1 month ahead), but if I continue like this, my cushion will be gone completely. I don't know what is wrong with me or why I keep doing this - or why it has gotten so much worse. I had always thought that I was pretty good with money while living with my parents; after moving out, either i have gotten much worse or having few expenses masked the problem. I will take any advice or suggestions.
posted by aka_anon to Work & Money (23 answers total)

Set up an automatic deposit from your checking account into a savings account that you can't withdraw from immediately. I use Capital One 360 (which used to be ING Direct), which requires a 5-day wait before withdrawal. Do NOT get the debit card option with this account! The point is to make that money difficult to get to!

Now, hide away your credit card. I wouldn't suggest cutting it up, as credit cards can be useful for things (renting cars, for instance). Instead, I'd lock it in a safe deposit box at the bank. You're going to have to un-remember your number if you're used to buying things online.

Spend only cash. And track your spending on a spreadsheet. It's much easier to spend money you don't see going away. When you see your balance shrinking with every purchase, it's much harder to just say, "I really need to buy X."
posted by xingcat at 7:33 PM on June 1, 2013

I fall into this pattern sometimes. I work freelance so my paycheck fluctuates a lot, so every time I start a new job I write down a weekly budget that begins with my paycheck amount and then deducts every expense from rent to groceries to dog walking...anything reoccurring that I can think of. Then I set X amount for guilt free spending money, and I take that out of the bank in cash every week. If I use my credit card for something that is not itemized, the cash comes out of my wallet and goes into the sock drawer, and I immediately pay off the charge on the card. I still mess up some weeks, but this keeps me from going completely off the deep end.
posted by justjess at 7:34 PM on June 1, 2013

The first thing you need to do is figure out where the money is going. A good exercise is to carry a tiny notebook and pen and track every single penny spent for sixty days.

Given the lack of detail, that's all I can suggest at this point.
posted by Michele in California at 7:35 PM on June 1, 2013 [2 favorites]

At the end of the day, tricks and whatever only go so far. You have to actually make the decision to stop impulse buying random stuff, then stick with it.
posted by kavasa at 7:40 PM on June 1, 2013 [7 favorites]

Tally up your bills including putting a bit in savings and how much you need for gas, subtract that amount from you take home pay, and the result is what you can spend. Use cash as much as possible. When you get below a certain level you cannot spend any more, and will be eating peanut butter or ramen for the rest of the month.

Knowing where the bulk of your money goes is helpful. I don't go into bookstores because I know I can't spend reasonably in one. Also, I eat out WAY too much. If I want to spend less, that's the category I have to get under control.
posted by rakaidan at 7:44 PM on June 1, 2013

In my experience, this is due to commodity fetishization. You feel sad (for whatever reason) and so you spend to make the sad stop. For me, it's boredom and ennui that makes me buy things. What made me a bit happier was doing things rather than trying to own things. It's cheaper and it improves you as a person while owning things stops being enjoyable the moment you have rather than simply want. But ultimately its up to you to figure out what the root cause of your sad is and then making that stop. It's a bit of a bootstrappy thing to say, but no one can fix that problem but you.
posted by ishrinkmajeans at 7:50 PM on June 1, 2013 [14 favorites]

Find something that will hold a reasonably large amount of water and freeze all your cards inside them. They're there if you truly have an emergency but you can't impulse purchase (since the CVV on the back would be hard to see through the ice. At a set time each week/month, take out enough cash for your bills and budget yourself some pocket money and if you want to buy anything else, tough shit.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 7:52 PM on June 1, 2013

Are you spending compulsively? Are you aware of how much money is left over after you pay your bills? Are you earning enough to cover your expenses? Do you put off opening and paying bills? Do you anticipate upcoming expenses?

There are a variety of different root causes of your problem. It's not entirely clear what you need to address. But anyway ...

Be patient with yourself. This is a rocky transition for lots of people. You can get through this. You recognize that there's a problem and you are seeking help - that's a huge first step.

Find ways to make it easier to do the right thing, and harder to do the wrong thing. Not carrying your credit card is a great start.
posted by bunderful at 8:01 PM on June 1, 2013

Since you are open to many ideas,

1) Debtors Anonymous seems to have helped many people
2) Your Money or Your Life, though a bit quaint in some respects, has some great ideas about money.
3) You likely will not like this idea, but if you commit to writing down EVERYTHING you spend, and I mean EVERYTHING, you will almost automatically spend less. It works for food too. Basically, taking the unconscious and making it conscious.
posted by jcworth at 8:03 PM on June 1, 2013

I've seen folks who, when they are feeling stressed financially (such as you are, worried that you'll soon be living paycheck to paycheck) begin to make purchases to prove to themselves that they CAN.

There are some good suggestions above as to how to get a handle on it, but delving into the WHY would be the long term solution. yep, I'm suggesting some counseling to help you do this.
posted by HuronBob at 8:03 PM on June 1, 2013

I have this same problem, and have tried a whole lot of solutions, unsuccessfully. I know everyone's different, but here's the two steps that finally worked for me:

1) Download and use YNAB. You can use it directly and easily from your phone, and it syncs automatically across your computers/phones if you connect it to Dropbox. Also, DO sign up for the seven-day introductory daily emails. The whole idea behind this budgeting process is important (and most importantly, it doesn't FEEL like the tedious budgeting systems I've used previously). This is the least time-sucking budget process I've found so far, and I actually love the whole idea behind it.

2) Keep lots of wish lists. I use Pinboard, Amazon, and Pinterest. When I see something I want, I immediately add it to one of my lists, and that helps my impulse to buy immediately. Most of the time, the need goes away, and if it stays, it becomes a line in YNAB for me to save for and deliberatly spend for.

Good luck!
posted by evolvinglines at 8:07 PM on June 1, 2013 [3 favorites]

Compulsive spending can be a symptom of a psychiatric disorder (such as bipolar disorder) or a disorder in itself. If your spending is causing you distress and you feel it is out of control, it may be worthwhile to get a psychiatric evaluation.
posted by Orinda at 8:17 PM on June 1, 2013 [1 favorite]

Hm.. a few ideas. The cold-turkey one (no credit cards, and just stop buying things unless they were planned expenses) is hard but successful and can be good as a proof of what you can do, if you're really worried as you seem to be.

The second idea is to enforce a waiting period. Don't buy today. Say you can buy it in a month if you still want it. And then think about how much it costs and all the other things you could do with that money instead if you don't buy that thing. But if it's something you really want, you can buy it - just not as a compulsive "don't know why I keep doing this" item.

Or, if you literally don't know how it's happening, perhaps run your credit card statements into Mint or otherwise create a detailed budget. Then you can see what you really have and could allocate money toward, compared to what you're really spending.
posted by Lady Li at 8:53 PM on June 1, 2013

It sounds like, rather than you not knowing where the money's going (which seems to be what other people in here are addressing), that your problem is that you damn well know where the money's going and you wish you weren't spending it on those things in the first place.

Actually, I think that the fact that you only just NOW have a credit card balance that you haven't been able to entirely pay off this month puts you ahead of 99% of most people, so that's some bit of comfort. If you are really and truly distressed by your spending and feel out of control, so be it, but from where I'm sitting i'm not sure that this is what's going on; rather, I have a hunch that you have a variant of the same problem I had for a long time; feeling that you had to be super-responsible with your money to the point that you were depriving yourself of things, except that made you feel shitty and....deprived, and every so often you just weakened. It's like the thing where someone decides to go on a diet, but goes WAY overboard and spends three days eating nothing but fruit and steamed salmon or something, and never eats any sweets and avoids all snacks entirely, and then after a few days feels so totally miserable and deprived that they just snap and eat two whole pizzas and half a bundt cake.

What's helped me in this is something a friend told me about - the "I'm Worth It Fund". I've adapted it into my own financial habits - I have two savings accounts set up, and a portion of every paycheck goes into each one; one is a routine savings account which is for savings, but the other is this "I'm Worth It Fund" - it is money that is purely and totally and strictly for SPENDING, on ME. I don't feel as guilty about spending it on myself, because that's what I've established that it's for - but, I also don't go too nuts with it, because it's a finite amount at any one time. It's a much easier way for me to moderate my spending on myself, without totally denying myself.

So I would work out what amount of money per week you COULD afford to spend purely and totally on fun for yourself, and set that aside every week. If you use it that week, fine; if you don't, then it's there for you to use next week. But it's money for you SPECIFICALLY to play with.

Try that.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:59 PM on June 1, 2013 [8 favorites]

I don't know what is wrong with me or why I keep doing this

You're probably doing it because you want stuff and it feels good to buy stuff and spend money. That doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. You just have to associate the bad feeling of getting the bill with your perception of wanting to spend money.
posted by goethean at 9:34 PM on June 1, 2013 [1 favorite]

Almost everything in today's society is geared to make you want MOAR STUFF. So don't beat yourself up about it, because you are basically fighting the power of the free market economy/advertising industry. In any case, Goethean is right - unless you are a complete tightwad, it feels good to spend money and get nice shiny new stuff.

One thing you can do maybe, is avoid temptation. Just like looking at pictures of food will make you hungry, looking at stuff will make you want to buy that stuff. Don't browse glossy magazines - I'm sure they exist only to sell you the false idea that you life would be complete if only you had the right lamp/coat/shade of lipstick.

When do you make these purchases? Is it when you're bored or lonely or is it just an impulse? If you know this you can figure out what would work best for you - whether it's to try to do free/cheap things for a pick-me-up or to freeze your credit cards so you can't make impulse buys.

Also, this: So I would work out what amount of money per week you COULD afford to spend purely and totally on fun for yourself, and set that aside every week. Otherwise you'll just obsess over what you can't have.
posted by pianissimo at 10:57 PM on June 1, 2013 [3 favorites]

I agree with Orinda that there may be an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. It might not necessarily be something as serious as bi-polar disorder, but if you're spending to fill an emotional hole, hiding your credit card and putting yourself on a budget won't make it go away.

Think about what the root of this might be - anger, loneliness, feeling worthless, feeling powerless, etc. - and deal with the cause, as well as treating the symptoms.
posted by essexjan at 12:45 AM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'd start with one or all of these:

*Nthing the avoid temptation suggestion. Don't go to stores, seriously. No malls. No online shopping.
*Are you bored? Take a walk, read a book, bake bread, call someone you've been meaning to call, or start something new: take a class, join a club, volunteer. Learn the value of experiences over stuff.
*Start journaling. One place to start: 750words.com
*Learn how to meditate; see how that works for you.
*Never use a debit card.
*Actively download, categorize and balance all your accounts in something like Quicken so you are intimately familiar with all of it. Explore the reporting features.

Good luck.
posted by AnOrigamiLife at 2:48 AM on June 2, 2013 [2 favorites]

I should add that if part of the issue is because you derive your happiness from going out drinking with friends multiple nights a week, or buying a daily $5 espresso, limit yourself to once a week and find better alternatives (see above) that don't require the outlay.
posted by AnOrigamiLife at 2:53 AM on June 2, 2013

You said this is the first time that you've not been able to pay off your credit card. Pay it off this month and next month. Put it away now, as was suggested upthread in a bank safety deposit box, or give it to a friend who you can trust won't use it and will only give it back if it's a true emergency. And seriously. DO. NOT. USE. IT. Cut it up if you need to. I racked up a bunch of credit card debt when I was younger. I consolidated it and it took me years to pay it off. I have no credit card debt now, and I'm still in my 20's, so I'm a lot better off than some people I know, but don't even go down that road.

You didn't specify what you're spending your money on, but try and figure out alternatives. If it's meals out with friends, try and eat in at each other's houses instead. If it's going to the movies, get a Netflix account instead.

Also, this isn't really what you were asking, but if you have an overwhelming desire to buy something, check eBay to see if you can get it for a dollar. I know it's not super prudent to suggest to someone trying to cut back on spending to check out a shopping site, but I've found stuff that was extremely cheap on there, cheap enough for me to not feel at all guilty about buying it, and placated my shopping desire for burning plastic.
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 3:54 AM on June 2, 2013

Twenty years ago, when I was feeling bad about credit card debt, my accountant brother suggested that I enter credit card purchases daily in my check register, as if I had spent the amount charged, because, well, I HAD just spent the money.

The practice made me aware of how often I was charging purchases, and for what, and it gave me an appreciation for what credit is and how it should--and shouldn't--be used. (I realized that I was mistakenly thinking of credit as something magically apart from actual dollars in the bank.) From then on I always had the money in my checking account to pay off my monthly credit card bills in full.
posted by Short Attention Sp at 5:17 AM on June 2, 2013 [3 favorites]

This is a pretty common problem and as others upthread have said, one modern culture really promotes.

It's okay to make the occasional mistake about money, the good thing is that you have noticed and want to stop.

EmpressCalliopygos had a good suggestion because you should have a "fun" part in your budget and your savings.

Part of the problem for me was a desire to keep up with others (Going out for dinner/drinks, having new clothes). Being honest about your financial limits with yourself and your friends can actually be really healthy for everyone. You don't earn like celebrities, so stop pretending you do.

Suggest & plan free/cheap things to do together: walking in the woods, public concerts, picnics in the park, movie nights at home.

Congrats on figuring out there's an issue!
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve at 6:27 AM on June 2, 2013

First of all, I would ask myself if all those stuff you buy compulsively makes you happy. I doubt it does. It is nice that you are questionning yourself, you are aware that there is a problem.

Second, if you cannot pay the full balance of your credit card each month, it means that you are not responsible enough yet to have a credit card. Cut it *NOW* and pay as much as you can until balance is 0. Stop paying SO high interests to credit card companies. It's money lost forever.

Third, when the credit card is paid, set up an automatic deposit to a saving account with ING or any other high interest account. Pay yourself first. What's left, you can spend it as you like!

If you feel you have the control again, you can ask for a new credit card. They will be more than happy to issue you one!

When I was in my ealy twenties, I started to use a credit card to buy stuffs I couldn't wait to buy (yeah right) and I couldn't pay the whole balance. I felt so bad to pay high interest that I stopped after a while. I understood how nice it is to get your paycheck and it's all yours, not for the debt you have.

Good luck!
posted by daile at 9:11 AM on June 8, 2013