How to not get upset if my partner sees my friends' news before me?
May 21, 2013 5:29 PM Subscribe
A few times, my partner has seen news (on Facebook mostly) from friends such as my siblings and their partners, before I have. I get very upset when this happens. Is this irrational? Is there any good way to cope with it?
posted by skippy_gal to Human Relations (31 answers total)
I live overseas from my family and childhood friends and none of us call or email each other all that often, though I feel fairly up to date with what's happening in their lives. Facebook is a big part of this, though I'm no big fan of social networks. We live fairly close to my partner's family - they talk a lot on the phone and see each other a fair bit.
A while back, my partner told me (having read on Facebook) that my sister and her partner were planning a big overseas trip - which, by deduction, might include a visit to our part of the world. I was pretty upset to learn this from my partner. At the time, it felt that the delivery was at the same time glib, and also like a form of point scoring ('I know something you don't!'), though I doubt it was intended this way. I tried to explain why I was upset at hearing this secondhand, this came out as anger, and we ended up arguing about it.
On another occasion, I had seen, but not yet read, a lengthy post from a childhood friend who doesn't post very often. I was looking forward to reading it when I had a moment - but my partner told me happily what was in it. At this point, I asked that my partner please not tell me about any posts from my family and friends; I'd rather read them firsthand.
But this hasn't made me feel any better. There have been occasions when I've seen my partner has already commented on a friend's post. It makes me sad to feel I'm coming late to the party. Today my partner said a simple 'oh' when I relayed a significant item of news from my brother, having already (I later realised) seen the news on Facebook, and feeling unsure how to handle it. It makes me sad that me and my partner don't now share this news and discuss it - a situation I've created.
I think my partner thinks it's totally irrational of me to be upset by receiving news later, or secondhand. Perhaps it is?
Or perhaps my discontent is just a consequence of the tensions involved in sharing personal information in a semi-public arena? Do other people experience this too?
Would appreciate hearing about people's thoughts on this, any ideas for strategies or actions I should take - or how to just feel less sad about this.