Leaving it all behind
May 19, 2013 7:16 PM Subscribe
Have you left your career and your home country to do something completely different? If so, I want your advice.
I'm in my mid-twenties, about four years out of school, and have been working full-time ever since. I've had a few different jobs, all in my industry (white-collar profession - think finance, law, etc.) and I've become deeply unhappy with my career choice and my prospects for the future. I make decent money and have a decent career, but I've realized I just don't have any passion for it, I can't stand the culture, and I'm sick of working long hours. I can't see myself doing this for years. I feel like everyone in this city is crazy about their jobs, "work hard play hard", and I'm barely drifting along. The last time I was truly happy was years ago, when I was traveling in a sparsely populated, far-off region of the world. Essentially, I no longer want to work in this industry, I don't want to go back to school, and I don't want to live in the US anymore.
Recently, I have been thinking more and more about just leaving my career behind and moving abroad to do something completely different. What that is, I have no idea. I have about $100K saved up in the bank. I was thinking about moving to a developing country with a low cost of living and finding some way to work online. Or starting an import-export business. Or anything, really. Though I'd prefer not to teach English.
I'm mainly looking for advice from others who did something similar - I mean quitting your job, giving up your relatively comfortable middle-class existence, and really rebooting your life someplace completely different. Did you plan a lot, or just buy the first ticket to Timbuktu and sort it out when you got there? Did it work out? Did your old problems come back to haunt you? Did you fail and return to your old country and old career with your tail tucked between your legs? Whatever happened, I appreciate any advice.
I'm in my mid-twenties, about four years out of school, and have been working full-time ever since. I've had a few different jobs, all in my industry (white-collar profession - think finance, law, etc.) and I've become deeply unhappy with my career choice and my prospects for the future. I make decent money and have a decent career, but I've realized I just don't have any passion for it, I can't stand the culture, and I'm sick of working long hours. I can't see myself doing this for years. I feel like everyone in this city is crazy about their jobs, "work hard play hard", and I'm barely drifting along. The last time I was truly happy was years ago, when I was traveling in a sparsely populated, far-off region of the world. Essentially, I no longer want to work in this industry, I don't want to go back to school, and I don't want to live in the US anymore.
Recently, I have been thinking more and more about just leaving my career behind and moving abroad to do something completely different. What that is, I have no idea. I have about $100K saved up in the bank. I was thinking about moving to a developing country with a low cost of living and finding some way to work online. Or starting an import-export business. Or anything, really. Though I'd prefer not to teach English.
I'm mainly looking for advice from others who did something similar - I mean quitting your job, giving up your relatively comfortable middle-class existence, and really rebooting your life someplace completely different. Did you plan a lot, or just buy the first ticket to Timbuktu and sort it out when you got there? Did it work out? Did your old problems come back to haunt you? Did you fail and return to your old country and old career with your tail tucked between your legs? Whatever happened, I appreciate any advice.
What I can address first-hand is the "tail tucked between your legs" part. I've had two friends independently take the first-ticket-to-Timbuktu approach, and it was really no big deal when they came back without having found what they'd hoped for. One slept on my floor for a month while he re-established his life here. Why would anyone who cared about him snark about that or want him to feel chastened? He might have protected his pride better by downplaying / understating his expectations or by establishing a well-budgeted timeline that included early milestones for deciding whether to bail and get things going again here. But even abject failure in this domain is really nothing in the eyes of people who care about you--typically, they just want you to be happy and expect that to involve more than a few experiments as you figure out what does that for you.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 7:48 PM on May 19, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Monsieur Caution at 7:48 PM on May 19, 2013 [4 favorites]
$100k is definitely enough to move to a developing country, live like locals, and try it out for a year or two: and still have enough to come back to the US and work a minimum wage job until something better comes up.
you don't want to teach english .... but what is your job exactly? what skills do you have? do you want to stay in the same industry, but just work like a consultant? do you have connections to do contracting jobs remotely? do you have the language skills to work in a developing country? these are all important questions.
posted by cupcake1337 at 8:56 PM on May 19, 2013
you don't want to teach english .... but what is your job exactly? what skills do you have? do you want to stay in the same industry, but just work like a consultant? do you have connections to do contracting jobs remotely? do you have the language skills to work in a developing country? these are all important questions.
posted by cupcake1337 at 8:56 PM on May 19, 2013
I got on a plane to Spain in june of 1998, planning to work there for the summer and have some fun. I did not come back to the US until 2005 and only did so because my mom was sick; otherwise I'd still be there.
posted by elizardbits at 9:06 PM on May 19, 2013
posted by elizardbits at 9:06 PM on May 19, 2013
Hi,
I have burned my life to the ground 4 times.
the first time you do it, it lasts 3 maybe 4 years.
the other times, 2-5 year stretches.
I'd say about 10% of people hav this built in to their DNA. It's ok, it's nothing to be afraid of... just trust your gut feeling that something else is waiting.
Did I achieve enlightenment? not really. but stuff matters a lot less and I'm better off.
So, does taking a chance and listening to your heart change you? YES
Does it enrich you? YES
monetarily? MAYBE, but probably not.
Western society and values are built upon some pretty heavy structure. If you are willing to keep a open mind and experience things, you are going to be ok.
posted by bobdow at 9:07 PM on May 19, 2013 [16 favorites]
I have burned my life to the ground 4 times.
the first time you do it, it lasts 3 maybe 4 years.
the other times, 2-5 year stretches.
I'd say about 10% of people hav this built in to their DNA. It's ok, it's nothing to be afraid of... just trust your gut feeling that something else is waiting.
Did I achieve enlightenment? not really. but stuff matters a lot less and I'm better off.
So, does taking a chance and listening to your heart change you? YES
Does it enrich you? YES
monetarily? MAYBE, but probably not.
Western society and values are built upon some pretty heavy structure. If you are willing to keep a open mind and experience things, you are going to be ok.
posted by bobdow at 9:07 PM on May 19, 2013 [16 favorites]
I barely planned it, and I certainly couldn't afford it. I just woke up one day and realized I had to quit, I had to get out, I had to get away from what I had been doing to what I knew I wanted to do. So I did. I won't say "no regrets", because there have been a few, but I'm sincerely grateful to mid-20s barnacles that he decided to do what he did.
Some of your old problems will disappear completely. Others will stick around, and no change of scenery or place or language or social group of the like will get rid of them, because the problems don't stem from any of those things but are deeply embedded in you.
I got genuinely lucky and managed to fell on my feet more than my face, but I know that if I ever for any reason have to go back with my tail between my legs that my family and friends will just take it in stride and welcome me back, because that's what they do. My old career? Maybe not so much, it can jump off a pier.
If it works out well, it'll change you forever. If it works out poorly, it'll change you forever. Whether you're willing to take the chance depends on you and how much of a wanderlust backlog you've got. Going isn't the wrong decision, necessarily, for you. Staying isn't the wrong decision, necessarily, for you.
posted by barnacles at 9:44 PM on May 19, 2013 [5 favorites]
Some of your old problems will disappear completely. Others will stick around, and no change of scenery or place or language or social group of the like will get rid of them, because the problems don't stem from any of those things but are deeply embedded in you.
I got genuinely lucky and managed to fell on my feet more than my face, but I know that if I ever for any reason have to go back with my tail between my legs that my family and friends will just take it in stride and welcome me back, because that's what they do. My old career? Maybe not so much, it can jump off a pier.
If it works out well, it'll change you forever. If it works out poorly, it'll change you forever. Whether you're willing to take the chance depends on you and how much of a wanderlust backlog you've got. Going isn't the wrong decision, necessarily, for you. Staying isn't the wrong decision, necessarily, for you.
posted by barnacles at 9:44 PM on May 19, 2013 [5 favorites]
I did it. It ROCKED.
We want to do it again (my husband and I, this is how we met!!!) Yet, our son is just 2 years old, and I think we want him to be at least 5 years old before we consider any drastic moves.
GO! GO! GO!
I could write pages how great an idea this is!
It will shape your life. It will give you a touchstone of experience to rely on when things get tough. It will help you figure out what you do want, and figure out what you do NOT want, in every aspect of your Life. You will get to measure your strengths, and your weaknesses. It will become a way of life to chalenge yourself, to re-invent who you think you are, to keep stable the things about yourself you admire most, no matter your environment.
It will change the way you think about other people, and what they are dealing with.
I live in Los Angeles, and I think I can hold out for 3 more years, but I just had a series of experiences in the past 2 weeks here that signal to me it is time to consider seriously moving on.
Once you do it, and know you can, the entire world is YOURS.
You don't have to live just "one life" - you can have many discrete different experiences. Age factors in a bit, but there are always work-arounds.
Go.
posted by jbenben at 9:49 PM on May 19, 2013 [6 favorites]
We want to do it again (my husband and I, this is how we met!!!) Yet, our son is just 2 years old, and I think we want him to be at least 5 years old before we consider any drastic moves.
GO! GO! GO!
I could write pages how great an idea this is!
It will shape your life. It will give you a touchstone of experience to rely on when things get tough. It will help you figure out what you do want, and figure out what you do NOT want, in every aspect of your Life. You will get to measure your strengths, and your weaknesses. It will become a way of life to chalenge yourself, to re-invent who you think you are, to keep stable the things about yourself you admire most, no matter your environment.
It will change the way you think about other people, and what they are dealing with.
I live in Los Angeles, and I think I can hold out for 3 more years, but I just had a series of experiences in the past 2 weeks here that signal to me it is time to consider seriously moving on.
Once you do it, and know you can, the entire world is YOURS.
You don't have to live just "one life" - you can have many discrete different experiences. Age factors in a bit, but there are always work-arounds.
Go.
posted by jbenben at 9:49 PM on May 19, 2013 [6 favorites]
I did this at age 30. Financially it worked out a-ok. I did niche import-export, which meant among other things I never lost contact with home. I chose a rapidly developing country (economically, politically). And - very important - became fluent in the language. For me, it was one of the best choices I ever made, but I wasn't leaving behind a high-paying job at home and so maybe had less to lose than you. I look around and think of doing it again and wonder where. Myanmar? Cuba? Oil-rich Nigeria? Obviously there are risks, but enormous potential benefits to getting in at the beginning of a country's transformation.
posted by londongeezer at 9:59 PM on May 19, 2013
posted by londongeezer at 9:59 PM on May 19, 2013
No wife and kiddies, no aging parents who will need care? There might never be a better time to scratch your itch.
posted by Cranberry at 11:09 PM on May 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Cranberry at 11:09 PM on May 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
you sound like you have depression, I suggest you seek help.
posted by john123357 at 12:45 AM on May 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by john123357 at 12:45 AM on May 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
I don't want to live in the US anymore. I was thinking about moving to a developing country with a low cost of living and finding some way to work online.
I would second the notion of testing the waters by joining the Peace Corp or similar. This will give you some new skills, some support and a visa. "Move to country X, work online" sounds fab and a lot of people want to execute that but the number of countries in which you can get straightforward work/live residency visa that will allow you to make long term plans is limited. The (random) requirements for Ecuador, for example, seem pretty common except that the investment threshold is very low compared to some other places.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:46 AM on May 20, 2013
I would second the notion of testing the waters by joining the Peace Corp or similar. This will give you some new skills, some support and a visa. "Move to country X, work online" sounds fab and a lot of people want to execute that but the number of countries in which you can get straightforward work/live residency visa that will allow you to make long term plans is limited. The (random) requirements for Ecuador, for example, seem pretty common except that the investment threshold is very low compared to some other places.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:46 AM on May 20, 2013
Sorry for the all caps, BUT YOU HAVE ONE HUNDRED GRAND IN YOUR MID TWENTIES?! GO! GO! RUN!
Put like 60k in savings for the long haul and run.
You can spend nearly nothing in developing countries. I have post Peace Corp. friends who live on like less than 10 a year. Easy.
Get an internship with an org you really believe in, (clean water, emergency assistance, environmental preservation, whatever) and just go for a year. Don't worry about making the big money for that year. Then reassess how your career will unfold.
You're really young. You've saved. Invest in a year. Then see what life is like, priority and lifestyle - wise. You've earned spending your money on getting your soul back.
Good luck!
(Sent from Mexico on shitty wireless.)
posted by functionequalsform at 1:27 AM on May 20, 2013 [5 favorites]
Put like 60k in savings for the long haul and run.
You can spend nearly nothing in developing countries. I have post Peace Corp. friends who live on like less than 10 a year. Easy.
Get an internship with an org you really believe in, (clean water, emergency assistance, environmental preservation, whatever) and just go for a year. Don't worry about making the big money for that year. Then reassess how your career will unfold.
You're really young. You've saved. Invest in a year. Then see what life is like, priority and lifestyle - wise. You've earned spending your money on getting your soul back.
Good luck!
(Sent from Mexico on shitty wireless.)
posted by functionequalsform at 1:27 AM on May 20, 2013 [5 favorites]
I've done both of those things but not at the same time.
I moved to a different country and left it all behind, but I was fresh out of university so didn't really have a career to change. It was tough and I had little to no plan, but it worked out for me in the end. There were a couple of years of crappy jobs that paid the bills while I figured stuff out. This was back in the days before email/online communication was ubiquitous, so there were issues with work experience in different countries/checking references etc. Not so much an issue now. I was really quite miserable and depressed for the first couple of years too, but I think that was because of complicated reasons I won't go into, and definitely isn't an automatic component.
I did a career reboot about 10 years ago (same country) after realising I was completely miserable in the career I had. Went back to school, got a new qualification, got a new job in a new industry. The hardest part was figuring out what to do next, after that it seemed to just fall into place.
Definitely make sure you have residency/visa things sorted out first, otherwise lots of potential problems. A certain amount of language proficiency helps too. And native guides are worth their weight in gold.
posted by Athanassiel at 1:33 AM on May 20, 2013
I moved to a different country and left it all behind, but I was fresh out of university so didn't really have a career to change. It was tough and I had little to no plan, but it worked out for me in the end. There were a couple of years of crappy jobs that paid the bills while I figured stuff out. This was back in the days before email/online communication was ubiquitous, so there were issues with work experience in different countries/checking references etc. Not so much an issue now. I was really quite miserable and depressed for the first couple of years too, but I think that was because of complicated reasons I won't go into, and definitely isn't an automatic component.
I did a career reboot about 10 years ago (same country) after realising I was completely miserable in the career I had. Went back to school, got a new qualification, got a new job in a new industry. The hardest part was figuring out what to do next, after that it seemed to just fall into place.
Definitely make sure you have residency/visa things sorted out first, otherwise lots of potential problems. A certain amount of language proficiency helps too. And native guides are worth their weight in gold.
posted by Athanassiel at 1:33 AM on May 20, 2013
I'm kinda doing in reverse - I left everything, to go someplace else and start a career. I'd rather not teach English either, but after 11 years and doing well at it after all, it's fine (for now). I'm working on other projects and furthuring my education here as well, and there's no place I'd rather be doing that than here in Mexico City.
But I'll never go back to the US, at least not permanently. I never regret having left, and I never regret being where I am. I frequently answer peoples queries as to why I live here with "There's nothing in the world like choosing where you want to live and living there" or "Life is better where you want it to be better."
With that money, you could easily put up a small local business someplace. But whatever you do, make sure you get to know the culture and it's people well beforehand.
Oh yes - your problems will follow you (mine did!) and in fact may become more challenging sooner than later, as a result of all the other chaos brought on by the change, but you can confront those problems when the time comes, wherever you decide to go. I feel immense gratitude regarding the obstacles I had to overcome to really be a happy person and I feel that coming here really shook things up for me so that it became absolutely necessary to sort those things out.
Good luck!!!
posted by Locochona at 3:18 AM on May 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
But I'll never go back to the US, at least not permanently. I never regret having left, and I never regret being where I am. I frequently answer peoples queries as to why I live here with "There's nothing in the world like choosing where you want to live and living there" or "Life is better where you want it to be better."
With that money, you could easily put up a small local business someplace. But whatever you do, make sure you get to know the culture and it's people well beforehand.
Oh yes - your problems will follow you (mine did!) and in fact may become more challenging sooner than later, as a result of all the other chaos brought on by the change, but you can confront those problems when the time comes, wherever you decide to go. I feel immense gratitude regarding the obstacles I had to overcome to really be a happy person and I feel that coming here really shook things up for me so that it became absolutely necessary to sort those things out.
Good luck!!!
posted by Locochona at 3:18 AM on May 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
You have nothing to loose by going and everything to loose by staying.
Stash half your cash and get out there and see what the rest of the world is up to.
Volunteering with an NGO in a foreign country will help you not be quite so alone as you might be if you just took off on your own.
When you find the country you love, learn the language, it will help you love it more. It will also enable you to start your own financial existance there.
How do I know this? I left UK nearly 40 years ago and eventually ended up in Spain. Just over a year ago my semi retirement went tits up and I now have a venture in Brazil. There are challenges for sure. As someone mentioned up thread getting rid of ''stuff'' helps clear the brain. You are young, you are intelligent (otherwise I don't think you would be here on Metafilter, and you have some savings which will go a very long way in a third world country. What the hell are you waiting for?
posted by adamvasco at 4:57 AM on May 20, 2013
Stash half your cash and get out there and see what the rest of the world is up to.
Volunteering with an NGO in a foreign country will help you not be quite so alone as you might be if you just took off on your own.
When you find the country you love, learn the language, it will help you love it more. It will also enable you to start your own financial existance there.
How do I know this? I left UK nearly 40 years ago and eventually ended up in Spain. Just over a year ago my semi retirement went tits up and I now have a venture in Brazil. There are challenges for sure. As someone mentioned up thread getting rid of ''stuff'' helps clear the brain. You are young, you are intelligent (otherwise I don't think you would be here on Metafilter, and you have some savings which will go a very long way in a third world country. What the hell are you waiting for?
posted by adamvasco at 4:57 AM on May 20, 2013
I did something very similar to what you're talking about (left NYC for Peru). My reasons for making the change and my overall sentiments were identical to what you mention. I moved to Latin America 10 years ago, stayed there for 5 years and then returned to the US.
On balance and in retrospect, it was a good move for me but it certainly wasn't costless. One thing you need to consider carefully is your opportunity cost for waiting a year. You've got a job that's allowed you to bank 25k/year after taxes (and I'm guessing that distribution was backloaded). If you can stick it out another year, you'll increase your net worth by 25% (and given the likely back-loaded distribution it's probably more like 50%)--that's not a small number. Maybe you'll launch a successful business overseas and maybe you won't--but this is cash in hand you can pick up now by staying another year. I know it seems soul destroying at this point, but I did stick out an extra year, banked another bonus and that's a decision I *never* regretted in retrospect (although at the time it sucked).
You also should consider that now is the perfect time to move abroad--mid-20s, no family, healthy parents, etc; But if you think about that differently it means your "future self" is going to be more likely to want to return to the US than your "current self" (in my case it was having kids which prompted the return to the US). Depending on your career, you may be able to structure a move abroad which allows you to maintain or even increase marketability in your field.
It is always easy to leave a high paid profession but depending on the field it can be difficult to near impossible to get back in (finance/i-banking, for instance, notoriously tough). Why not take an extra year, bank some cash, and do some research on activities/jobs etc you can do abroad which would be attractive to high-paid professions? If you still hate it your career when you're abroad, ditch it then.
posted by limagringo at 8:32 AM on May 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
On balance and in retrospect, it was a good move for me but it certainly wasn't costless. One thing you need to consider carefully is your opportunity cost for waiting a year. You've got a job that's allowed you to bank 25k/year after taxes (and I'm guessing that distribution was backloaded). If you can stick it out another year, you'll increase your net worth by 25% (and given the likely back-loaded distribution it's probably more like 50%)--that's not a small number. Maybe you'll launch a successful business overseas and maybe you won't--but this is cash in hand you can pick up now by staying another year. I know it seems soul destroying at this point, but I did stick out an extra year, banked another bonus and that's a decision I *never* regretted in retrospect (although at the time it sucked).
You also should consider that now is the perfect time to move abroad--mid-20s, no family, healthy parents, etc; But if you think about that differently it means your "future self" is going to be more likely to want to return to the US than your "current self" (in my case it was having kids which prompted the return to the US). Depending on your career, you may be able to structure a move abroad which allows you to maintain or even increase marketability in your field.
It is always easy to leave a high paid profession but depending on the field it can be difficult to near impossible to get back in (finance/i-banking, for instance, notoriously tough). Why not take an extra year, bank some cash, and do some research on activities/jobs etc you can do abroad which would be attractive to high-paid professions? If you still hate it your career when you're abroad, ditch it then.
posted by limagringo at 8:32 AM on May 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
I did the cut and run after college, too, and I don't regret it, which for me, is saying a lot. Living overseas has been a fantastic experience, and I don't think I'd ever try to go back. Not everything over here is peaches and sunshine, but I'm in a pretty good place (albeit in a more work-crazy culture than the States). Stepping back and getting out of a bad situation is a chance for some real eye openers. You'll find out that a) where we're born is a fluke of luck, and just because you're born there, it doesn't mean you have to stay forever, and b) there are indeed different ways of doing things, and if you take the time, you're going to find a place that fits better.
Keep in mind that wherever you do go, you're still yourself, with any of the issues that you have inside (possibly making you unhappy where you are), and that wherever you do go, there will eventually be things that irritate you there, too. The mindset you're looking for is that differences between your first culture and the one your living in are just that, differences. Country A isn't bad because they don't do what B does. There's no value component. Different is just different. You can like it or not, but claiming its bad is a pretty quick way to make yourself miserable in the new situation, too.
Seriously, though, with that much saved up? Park more than half of it, then get the hell out of town. Travel cheap, keep an open mind, meet people, keep them in mind, and see what you can do. Especially as a foreigner, random connections with people you meet are one of the ways to get a foothold and find a niche for yourself.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:10 PM on May 20, 2013
Keep in mind that wherever you do go, you're still yourself, with any of the issues that you have inside (possibly making you unhappy where you are), and that wherever you do go, there will eventually be things that irritate you there, too. The mindset you're looking for is that differences between your first culture and the one your living in are just that, differences. Country A isn't bad because they don't do what B does. There's no value component. Different is just different. You can like it or not, but claiming its bad is a pretty quick way to make yourself miserable in the new situation, too.
Seriously, though, with that much saved up? Park more than half of it, then get the hell out of town. Travel cheap, keep an open mind, meet people, keep them in mind, and see what you can do. Especially as a foreigner, random connections with people you meet are one of the ways to get a foothold and find a niche for yourself.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:10 PM on May 20, 2013
I have done this two and a half times (the half time was that I took my existing career to a different continent).
The only practical advice I can offer is to figure out a way (skype, email, IM...actual letters) to stay in touch with your friends.
Everyone thinks, "We'll stay in touch of course!" but it seldom works out like that, at least not without planning and effort.
It become increasingly difficult to make new friends the older you get, and there will come a time no matter how old or successful or happy in general you are that you will need the advice or comfort of an old friend.
But that is advice and should not dissuade you from your Very Good Idea.
posted by digitalprimate at 9:09 AM on May 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
The only practical advice I can offer is to figure out a way (skype, email, IM...actual letters) to stay in touch with your friends.
Everyone thinks, "We'll stay in touch of course!" but it seldom works out like that, at least not without planning and effort.
It become increasingly difficult to make new friends the older you get, and there will come a time no matter how old or successful or happy in general you are that you will need the advice or comfort of an old friend.
But that is advice and should not dissuade you from your Very Good Idea.
posted by digitalprimate at 9:09 AM on May 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
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