How absurd is it (really) to just feel like you know?
May 17, 2013 11:27 PM Subscribe
I'm lovesick and having a hard time keeping the future (wherein things change, people change, life changes, nothing is predictable or set in stone) in mind. This means I have an unanswerable question about when *feeling* like you know you should be with someone is enough to guide your actions, despite the odds. Have you ever felt like you just know? How did that work out for you? I know what the data will tell me (i.e. foolish child! you never know! it's just that sometimes, coincidentally, what you *think* you know turns out to be what you get!), but I'd like personal stories, because I know they'll stick with me better. Humor this sad, late-twenty-something on a Friday night alone?
It's funny because reading my previous novella of a question, with all its melodrama, should clue me in to the fact that I will feel very differently in just a year's time, and my deep perusal of related questions should clue me in to the fact that every new romantic possibility, in some sense, feels like the one. Even so, here's where I am:
I've recently gone no contact (mutually agreed) with someone I really care about, who really cares about me in return, but who isn't in a position to be with me right now (for various reasons including her not being single, not being sure if she wants to work on her relationship, not being in the country for a while, not being entirely healthy herself). I've never fought to be with someone before; I've always been able to talk myself out of it when the chips came down and I understood there was no immediate possibility. In this case, I thought I was doing the right thing by initiating the break—I still think I did the right thing (she wouldn't have asked for no contact on her own, and we were shading into an emotional affair)—but the ache of our parting hasn't faded. It's gotten worse. Worse, I think, because it's pretty clear the degree of reciprocation was not insignificant (I say "was" because I of course have no idea how she feels or what is happening for her right now), and I still feel (yes, here comes the eyeroll) fiercely certain about her in a way I've never been before. I'm committed to sticking out the no contact until our agreed-upon date of reassessment. And I know there's absolutely nothing I can do in the meantime besides treat myself well, live healthily, go out and enjoy life and my many uncomplicated friendships. I will absolutely do these things. But I also want to know...
When did you feel absolutely certain about someone and have it work out, despite indications that it might not? When did you feel absolutely certain and have it crash and burn? What differentiated your feeling of certainty (regardless of how it turned out) from other feelings you'd had before, or that you went on to have after? How did you decide when to take a risk on someone, when to keep pushing, when to make declarations, when to turn away?
I think I just need to see diverse perspectives, and remind myself that life moves in oh so many ways, for oh so many people. I don't want to shut down in any direction. I want to be open and at ease and accepting of whatever is to come.
It's funny because reading my previous novella of a question, with all its melodrama, should clue me in to the fact that I will feel very differently in just a year's time, and my deep perusal of related questions should clue me in to the fact that every new romantic possibility, in some sense, feels like the one. Even so, here's where I am:
I've recently gone no contact (mutually agreed) with someone I really care about, who really cares about me in return, but who isn't in a position to be with me right now (for various reasons including her not being single, not being sure if she wants to work on her relationship, not being in the country for a while, not being entirely healthy herself). I've never fought to be with someone before; I've always been able to talk myself out of it when the chips came down and I understood there was no immediate possibility. In this case, I thought I was doing the right thing by initiating the break—I still think I did the right thing (she wouldn't have asked for no contact on her own, and we were shading into an emotional affair)—but the ache of our parting hasn't faded. It's gotten worse. Worse, I think, because it's pretty clear the degree of reciprocation was not insignificant (I say "was" because I of course have no idea how she feels or what is happening for her right now), and I still feel (yes, here comes the eyeroll) fiercely certain about her in a way I've never been before. I'm committed to sticking out the no contact until our agreed-upon date of reassessment. And I know there's absolutely nothing I can do in the meantime besides treat myself well, live healthily, go out and enjoy life and my many uncomplicated friendships. I will absolutely do these things. But I also want to know...
When did you feel absolutely certain about someone and have it work out, despite indications that it might not? When did you feel absolutely certain and have it crash and burn? What differentiated your feeling of certainty (regardless of how it turned out) from other feelings you'd had before, or that you went on to have after? How did you decide when to take a risk on someone, when to keep pushing, when to make declarations, when to turn away?
I think I just need to see diverse perspectives, and remind myself that life moves in oh so many ways, for oh so many people. I don't want to shut down in any direction. I want to be open and at ease and accepting of whatever is to come.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Hey, sorry, but just asking people to tell you their stories is chatfilter -- taz
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