I want to take a family history. There may be a cultural barrier. Tips?
May 14, 2013 11:20 AM   Subscribe

I've always wanted to learn about my family's history. I have an aunt who is nearing 75 and according to my father, she knows the most about my family. I was thinking of interviewing her this summer.

Some concerns I have:
I was born and raised in the US. I am a heritage speaker of Chinese, so I can probably manage some questions in Chinese, but there's also a fair chance that the level of discourse will be lower than I would like due to the fact that my vocabulary isn't as high as it could be. My aunt knows English, but it'd be the same situation, of course.

And, how can I get over the awkwardness? I'm not sure if this is a cultural thing, but my parents have always made it clear to me that they really don't like talking about their past. (Cultural revolution, communism-- I can understand that it may be difficult to talk about.) So doing a family history could make things awkward. How could I best broach the topic?

If you have tried to do something similar, I'd greatly appreciate your suggestions.
posted by gemutlichkeit to Human Relations (8 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
I recorded my grandmother and once she got started it was all very organic. You might want to look at Story Corps great question list to give you some ideas on how to start the conversation.
posted by brookeb at 11:28 AM on May 14, 2013 [4 favorites]


How about asking about family gatherings like weddings or birthdays? Some people can ease into talking about themselves by describing events they were involved in years ago. My father surprised me by describing a wartime Thanksgiving, for example.

Another filter is food. What did your aunt like to eat as a child? What did her grandmother eat? The things we eat now are probably a lot different than what they experienced. My kid was a little shocked to realize that pig's feet are a treat to some of our relatives.

Good luck with the project.
posted by dragonplayer at 11:33 AM on May 14, 2013


Re the language barrier:
Bring a good quality tape recorder. Ask in English. Have her answer in Chinese. Nitpick the nuances of meaning at leisure.

People generally understand far more than they speak. It will minimize this limitation. She will understand a lot of your English questions better than your broken Chinese. She can answer as completely as she cares to, in ways you won't understand now but can work to understand once it is recorded.

Re the awkwardness: Expect to have to mention it a few times over a period of time. Try to do so one on one, not in a group setting. Don't ask permission or support until later. At first, just talk about something like your interest in history, a show you saw about genealogy, etc. Be light about it and neutral. The goal is to make it okay to broach the topic, then back off and give them time to think about it. You want them comfortable with you talking about it. When they get to the point where they don't just shut you out, then you can bring up wanting to do this interview.

Expect to have to talk to them a dozen or more times over several weeks or months, preferably in a side-by-side situation (in the car, washing dishes together) instead of face to face. The body language aspect of that will reduce the degree threat. If they get agitated, either calm and reassure them or drop it for now. The goal is to get that door open. Anything which increases their upset or combative stance will help keep it closed.
posted by Michele in California at 11:37 AM on May 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Stay flexible about the topics and also about the way you record (sometimes people prefer to write difficult stuff down or record their voice in their free time vs. a face to face interview).
posted by travelwithcats at 12:23 PM on May 14, 2013


By any means, do this before it is too late. You - perhaps - will have a personal record of an era of great interest that could be a gold mine for historians. I don't think I would mention the history reference to a possibly reticent aunt.
posted by Cranberry at 12:29 PM on May 14, 2013


I'm in a similar situation. My first language is English, and while I've always been able to talk to my relatives in Chinese, it's pretty basic conversational Chinese. I can follow a conversation about history, politics, current affairs, but I just can't respond with their fluency. It's extremely frustrating.

But I love history and stories, and I love hearing them from my family. What I tend to do is ask my uncles and aunts for stories about their childhood. It's a happy, innocent time for the most part, and from there, other figures get pulled into the mix--grandparents, great-grandparents etc. I always ask to see old family photos, and the older relative who's showing them to me will usually talk to me about each one.

That said, if they don't want to relive the past, I don't think you can do very much except to gain their trust and hope that they will pass on letters, documents, photos to you instead of destroying them. I know some my older relatives who were directly affected by the Chinese Civil War and the Cultural Revolution dislike talking about themselves because "everybody suffered" and there was "nothing special" about their experiences.

Wishing you every success!
posted by peripathetic at 12:50 PM on May 14, 2013


I wonder if it might be helpful to do a little basic research real quick beforehand? Like, get what basic things (life, death, place of residence, etc) about some close family members (your g-grandma, cousins, aunts) and then ask specific questions about them.

Example:

"How did grandma end up in Michigan? I saw on the 1940 census she lived at 123 Every Street; do you remember that house?"

Instead of:

"When was grandma born? Where did she live?"

Basically I'm wondering if sort of leading the questions might make it feel more organic and less forced or awkward.

I'd try with the younger generations first if you can. I've contacted older German relatives who absolutely refuse to talk about the war but I've got a younger German cousin that has given me a wealth of information about where our family was and what they did just because she doesn't feel the same ways about the war as the older generation.

Also, I've got a video of my great-granny answering random questions about her life from the early 1990s. She passed away years ago but I absolutely treasure it. Even if you don't learn too terrible much, I guarantee in the coming years you'll still love everything about any chat you have and document with your family members about the past :).
posted by youandiandaflame at 1:21 PM on May 14, 2013


If you asked me about my childhood, I might be a little stumped at first, but if you asked me about certain things, I would be able to answer you and I would remind myself of related things.

Remind her of things.
  • Take lists of names, family trees, etc., if very large bold type she can see easily.
  • Take pictures. Either big printed ones (and with a good magnifying lens to make details even bigger) or on a large screen. Be able to annotate pictures (with markers on hardcopy or electronically on the screen).
  • Take big simple maps of known areas. If you know exactly where she grew up, take her back there on the map and ask her about everyone, all the neighbors, the shops, the parks, the trees, the gardens, the streets, the houses. Looking at the map, try to get her to metally walk old routes: "How did you get to school? Where was school? How long did it take to get there? What did you wear? Who went with you? Did you eat at school? How did you get home from school? What did you do after school? Did you have homework? Who were your school friends?" and so on.
And maybe mail some things to her ahead of time so she can think about things. If you have family photos you want her to help you with, make enlargements and mail them to her. If you know where she grew up, mail her a large map that shows all the details.
posted by pracowity at 1:21 AM on May 15, 2013


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