Why am I overanalyzing my feelings for this guy?!
May 11, 2013 1:01 PM Subscribe
I have been dating someone for two weeks, a guy I had a crush on in my writing class. For some reason as I get to know him he's a bit different than I expected. I feel something for him, but it's not a mind-boggling attraction. Now I wonder if it's enough and if it will develop?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (12 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I'm in my early twenties, and just started dating a fellow college student who is 22. I had always thought he had a cute smile, and I still do... we met in a writing class workshop. He eventually added me on facebook towards the end of the semester. I took this as an opening to say "hi." By the end of the instant message convo, he had asked me out and we exchanged numbers.
I was super excited... and I was looking at all of his photos. I was getting to know him a bit more though and it seemed we were a bit opposite in our likes and dislikes... although he was very big on writing, wants to go to grad school, very creative, wants a family, etc. These are all things I could say about myself. Well I focused on all of those little tidbits we didn't have in common... and thought "oh, maybe we are more different than I thought." The differences are ones like he hates to take naps, I love them, I like cake, he likes pie, he is an extrovert, I am an introvert, etc. So I wasn't sure if we were hitting it off.
When we had our first actual date, I noticed he was kind of shorter than I realized. Not a big thing, but I noticed. He is not conventionally attractive, but he does have a great smile, has great hygiene, smells awesome, etc. He also was very direct and a ball of energy. I was quite surprised. I am used to more reserved guys but found I feel much more loved by people who are extroverted in relationships... because they don't seem to have trouble with affection.
So I wasn't sure how I felt. We had a second date, and I was still feeling things out. Halfway through the date he asks me to be his girlfriend. I felt like I didn't know him nor have any feelings gained yet to build a relationship on. I used to just jump right in... but after two relationships with emotionally unavailable people who turned into different people as soon as we got into a relationship... I just wasn't trusting of people and now MUST feel them out. I didn't get a whole bunch of warm fuzzies around him and the first kiss was awkward... but the second time I really got into it. I slept with him on the third date (yikes!) And really enjoyed it. It was the best sex I had in a loooooong time. I didn't agree to be his gf at this point, because I didn't think I knew him well enough.
So I start doubting how I feel. I didn't know if his shortness would bug me, or his energy, or this or that. I didn't know if I felt strong enough to just be in a relationship with him. I don't feel starry-eyed, but I do feel something. Maybe this means I've grown up? He seems to be someone who still gets infatuated before truly knowing someone. I've made too many mistakes for that to be me.
I'm going back and forth about how I feel about him. It's crazy because I know he is into me, but I recognize I'm not there yet. I was thinking should we just be friends? Am I not attracted enough? Then I see him and I'm a ball of giggles, smiles, I'm kissing him and enjoying it. I slept with him twice in one night! I really liked it and couldn't keep my hands off of him... so why do I feel confused? I freaked out after sleeping with him the second time. I got so anxious about my uncertain feelings I contemplated stopping seeing him... but I don't want to! I love talking to him and being with him is fun, I don't feel crazy about him and I'm not used to not having to guess someone's feelings... I thought I wasn't into him, but when I'm with him it feels different. What's wrong with me?!