Help me conquer my fear of joining a UK dual carriageway or motorway.
May 4, 2013 10:31 AM Subscribe
I'm scared of driving. But I'm determined to get over it and making great progress. There are some great questions and answers on the green about conquering fear of driving and they've helped me a lot. But I have a specific fear that towers over all the others, and I think that if I can just get over this, I will be a shedload more confident in driving in other situations. Here's the problem: joining a dual carriageway from a slip road on UK roads makes me cry.
And thereafter my brain turns to blancmange and I screw up everything else I do on the drive, even changing gears. My intelligence seems to completely leave me the second I get onto a slip road. It's weird because in every other scary situation in my life, I am an ocean of calm and rationality.
I'm getting back into driving 20 years after passing my test (first time!) and not really having driven since I passed. I'm driving on easy roads independently, taking lessons with an instructor, I'm reading the books, and watching the videos, and I've read all the tips I can find on this online, but still this manoevre scares the bejeezus out of me more than anything else in the whole wide world. I can overtake, I can manage simple roundabouts, I can do busy junctions. But this? Pants-wettingly scary.
My instructor doesn't seem to be able to give me any magic trick to make this better, so we just go round and round, joining and exiting the dual carriageway until I'm exhausted. (He's actually a great teacher and I'm fully convinced that it's the panicky brain mushiness that's making this seemingly unlearnable.)
I know I'm supposed to build up my speed on the slip road, and just slide into a suitable gap in the traffic on the dual carriageway or motorway, but it seems as sure a thing to me as a game of roulette. What if that gap I've got my eye on isn't there any more at the same time as my car reaches the carriageway, or even worse, before the slip road ends? How do you know it's the right gap? How do you judge how fast and close the cars behind you on the dual carriageway are? What if you've built up your speed and haven't got time to stop if the gap is gone? What if the cars in the left hand lane don't move or slow down for you?
Every book and video I've pored over to learn how to do this makes it look so simple, as though OF COURSE there's always a gap, and OF COURSE we can just fit right into it. Tada! But every time I try it in the real world, I feel like I'm about to launch myself at 60 or 70 miles an hour into a whole row of cars and I have no confidence at all that they won't slam into me and crush my little Aygo like a ball of tin foil.
If you had this fear, how did you get over it? Are there tricks for judging it right?
And thereafter my brain turns to blancmange and I screw up everything else I do on the drive, even changing gears. My intelligence seems to completely leave me the second I get onto a slip road. It's weird because in every other scary situation in my life, I am an ocean of calm and rationality.
I'm getting back into driving 20 years after passing my test (first time!) and not really having driven since I passed. I'm driving on easy roads independently, taking lessons with an instructor, I'm reading the books, and watching the videos, and I've read all the tips I can find on this online, but still this manoevre scares the bejeezus out of me more than anything else in the whole wide world. I can overtake, I can manage simple roundabouts, I can do busy junctions. But this? Pants-wettingly scary.
My instructor doesn't seem to be able to give me any magic trick to make this better, so we just go round and round, joining and exiting the dual carriageway until I'm exhausted. (He's actually a great teacher and I'm fully convinced that it's the panicky brain mushiness that's making this seemingly unlearnable.)
I know I'm supposed to build up my speed on the slip road, and just slide into a suitable gap in the traffic on the dual carriageway or motorway, but it seems as sure a thing to me as a game of roulette. What if that gap I've got my eye on isn't there any more at the same time as my car reaches the carriageway, or even worse, before the slip road ends? How do you know it's the right gap? How do you judge how fast and close the cars behind you on the dual carriageway are? What if you've built up your speed and haven't got time to stop if the gap is gone? What if the cars in the left hand lane don't move or slow down for you?
Every book and video I've pored over to learn how to do this makes it look so simple, as though OF COURSE there's always a gap, and OF COURSE we can just fit right into it. Tada! But every time I try it in the real world, I feel like I'm about to launch myself at 60 or 70 miles an hour into a whole row of cars and I have no confidence at all that they won't slam into me and crush my little Aygo like a ball of tin foil.
If you had this fear, how did you get over it? Are there tricks for judging it right?
Would getting out on a go kart track help? You'd be relatively safe (helmets, low centres of gravity, roll cages on some) and you'd have the opportunity to repeatedly practice what will no doubt feel like very risky overtaking and merging manoeuvres at speeds that will seem much greater than they actually are.
posted by Ahab at 10:42 AM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Ahab at 10:42 AM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: In terms of technique I don't think I can tell you anything your instructor won't have told you already. Ie indicate, increase your speed, etc. so the only thing I can address is your fear that the gap will cease to exist. In that sense I guess your fear is really of other drivers. So I can only reassure you that the drivers coming behind you will make it their business to slow down for you when you're about to pull out in front of them, should that arise, because while you don't want to get hit they are equally invested in not hitting you.. Most driving is about negotiating the roads with other users. People will give you room. Good luck.
posted by billiebee at 10:45 AM on May 4, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by billiebee at 10:45 AM on May 4, 2013 [9 favorites]
I'm not sure of the "slip road" terminology, is that like an acceleration lane, or a freeway onramp? if it is, and the traffic isn't very dense, the other drivers are highly motivated to make room for incoming cars and not cause a crash. It may help to keep in mind that there are people in the other cars and that they aren't (yet) mindless machines with no ability to adapt to your entrance to the road.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 10:45 AM on May 4, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by ArgentCorvid at 10:45 AM on May 4, 2013 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Are you doing these practice sessions in a busy city? In America it's called Interstate driving, and I learned to do it in a midsized town where the roads weren't that busy. Wasn't until I mastered it there (and a couple years of growing) that I tried it in Chicago.
One thing that helped me a bit is to remember that the other cars aren't mindless automatons. There are drivers in them watching you merge. And just as much as you don't want to get rear-ended, they don't want to hit you either. So they'll make room. Even if one or two drivers on the road don't see you, statistics say that the person behind them will.
That's where the spot to merge comes from. Not the normal flow of traffic, but the other drivers paying attention to you.
posted by sbutler at 10:48 AM on May 4, 2013 [5 favorites]
One thing that helped me a bit is to remember that the other cars aren't mindless automatons. There are drivers in them watching you merge. And just as much as you don't want to get rear-ended, they don't want to hit you either. So they'll make room. Even if one or two drivers on the road don't see you, statistics say that the person behind them will.
That's where the spot to merge comes from. Not the normal flow of traffic, but the other drivers paying attention to you.
posted by sbutler at 10:48 AM on May 4, 2013 [5 favorites]
I think one of the things you just have to take on faith is that the oncoming cars CAN see you, they know what you want to do, they know they are obligated to help you do so even if they are dicks because they want their cars in one piece. They shouldn't be in that lane if they aren't willing to let other cars in.
As someone who drives a long stretch of I-5 in California every day, my biggest peeves are merging drivers who won't commit. They speed up, they slow down, they're all "are you going to let me in? No? Yes? No? Maybe?" Damn it, there's a hole, get in it. I see you.
Obviously you need to be aware and cautious, because sometimes things don't work out, but it generally works like a zipper: be the tooth that fits in the gap.
Maybe you should have your instructor take you along the merge lane and spend time letting other drivers merge in, so that you understand their perspective.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:52 AM on May 4, 2013 [5 favorites]
As someone who drives a long stretch of I-5 in California every day, my biggest peeves are merging drivers who won't commit. They speed up, they slow down, they're all "are you going to let me in? No? Yes? No? Maybe?" Damn it, there's a hole, get in it. I see you.
Obviously you need to be aware and cautious, because sometimes things don't work out, but it generally works like a zipper: be the tooth that fits in the gap.
Maybe you should have your instructor take you along the merge lane and spend time letting other drivers merge in, so that you understand their perspective.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:52 AM on May 4, 2013 [5 favorites]
US driver here, but I had the same phobia when I first got my driver's license....how to merge onto a freeway from the on-ramp (drive from the slip road onto the motorway) without constantly hitting the brake and waiting for a suitable gap between cars. Eventually I learned that the cars in the lane closest to the entrance apparently expect vehicles to pull into the flow of traffic. That if I kept up the proper rate of speed when actually getting onto the motorway, the cars behind me allowed for this and slowed down ever so slightly to allow me to get in front of them. However, if I pulled onto the motorway hesitantly and slowed down traffic, I got a lot of horn honks and dirty looks. It was sort of like entering a roller skating rink - you wait for a small break and then you launch yourself in at the proper speed without hesitation.
I still remember my first attempts at merging into freeway traffic during my driver's training....the instructor kept saying "Don't slow down! Don't slow down!" but it was instinctive to keep hitting the brake with all those cars speeding by in my peripheral vision. But the key definitely is to NOT slow down or hesitate. You'll fit into the "gaps" best if you are almost up to motorway speed as you enter.
PS I've driven in the UK many times, and I found the motorway situation much easier to maneuver than those dreaded roundabouts (which we don't have in my area)! If you're able to enter and exit roundabouts with ease, you'll be able to conquer the slip road/motorway entrance thing soon, methinks.
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:55 AM on May 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
I still remember my first attempts at merging into freeway traffic during my driver's training....the instructor kept saying "Don't slow down! Don't slow down!" but it was instinctive to keep hitting the brake with all those cars speeding by in my peripheral vision. But the key definitely is to NOT slow down or hesitate. You'll fit into the "gaps" best if you are almost up to motorway speed as you enter.
PS I've driven in the UK many times, and I found the motorway situation much easier to maneuver than those dreaded roundabouts (which we don't have in my area)! If you're able to enter and exit roundabouts with ease, you'll be able to conquer the slip road/motorway entrance thing soon, methinks.
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:55 AM on May 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
You do just have to launch yourself into the gap that you see. Other drivers don't want to hit you so they will slow down to let You pass.
posted by almostwitty at 10:56 AM on May 4, 2013
posted by almostwitty at 10:56 AM on May 4, 2013
God, I know exactly what you mean. Did you know that there are motorway-specific driving instructors? I plan to contact one one of these days. Your current one might be a lovely person, but if he's not actually addressing the "panicky brain-mushiness" then he might not be the right person for this job.
posted by oliverburkeman at 11:02 AM on May 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by oliverburkeman at 11:02 AM on May 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
I don't think reading about technique is going to help, and oliverburkeman is right: there are people you can pay to solve this problem for you in a couple of hours. Find a new instructor.
posted by caek at 11:14 AM on May 4, 2013
posted by caek at 11:14 AM on May 4, 2013
Best answer: This kind of maneuver is a matter of intuition and confidence, which you have to let accumulate over time. It seems scary because you don't know what's going to happen next - intellectually you may know, but deep-down in your caveman brain, you don't, and your caveman brain is scared by that and thinks it has to take over because that's how scary it is. That's ok, just give yourself more time. The idea about watching other people merging in is a good one. And just keep practicing.
The only thing to know about driving is that you have to be where other people expect you to be. That's how the cars fit themselves together like puzzle pieces - everyone knows where to put themselves, and anticipates where the other guy is going to be. When there's a disconnect, there's an accident. That's why it's important to understand that deep down the other cars are expecting you to merge, and not merging is what's going to cause a problem.
posted by bleep at 11:14 AM on May 4, 2013 [8 favorites]
The only thing to know about driving is that you have to be where other people expect you to be. That's how the cars fit themselves together like puzzle pieces - everyone knows where to put themselves, and anticipates where the other guy is going to be. When there's a disconnect, there's an accident. That's why it's important to understand that deep down the other cars are expecting you to merge, and not merging is what's going to cause a problem.
posted by bleep at 11:14 AM on May 4, 2013 [8 favorites]
Understand that stopping is NOT an option. Get up to speed and the other cars will let you merge. Practice on freeways when it is not so busy. There are places in the US where this is terrifying (Houston, I'm looking at you) and places where it is very simple. Find places near you where it is simple to practice until you build up some confidence.
posted by tamitang at 11:37 AM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by tamitang at 11:37 AM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
This used to scare me when I was a new driver, and then one night I was following some people to a party (supposedly- I think in reality they were actually trying to lose us), and I had to merge on and off the freeway many times. Having to just buckle down and do it over and over made me realize it was a thing I could do, under duress. Now I actually really enjoy merging- the combination of getting up to speed, seeing a spot, and sliding into it perfectly is very satisfying.
Personally, I think you should let go of all the videos and books and whatnot, and just drive more. This is really a case of feel, not learning. If you're sitting there trying to remember what it said in the book, looked like on the video, while listening to your instructor, remembering to shift, eying a gap in the traffic, and worrying about running out of room, you will make yourself insane. Your job is to match the speed of traffic so you can slip into the gap. The people on the road are watching for you; they expect you to get on the road. There's nothing more crazy-making than leaving a spot for a merging car only to have them do some unexpected braking at the last minute.
posted by oneirodynia at 11:57 AM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
Personally, I think you should let go of all the videos and books and whatnot, and just drive more. This is really a case of feel, not learning. If you're sitting there trying to remember what it said in the book, looked like on the video, while listening to your instructor, remembering to shift, eying a gap in the traffic, and worrying about running out of room, you will make yourself insane. Your job is to match the speed of traffic so you can slip into the gap. The people on the road are watching for you; they expect you to get on the road. There's nothing more crazy-making than leaving a spot for a merging car only to have them do some unexpected braking at the last minute.
posted by oneirodynia at 11:57 AM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
In boating, there are specific time-tested rules of right-of-way that have been codified to make sure that in boat encounters, everyone knows what the other guy has to do. It's like the 4-way stop problem in driving. The thing about boating right-of-way that applies here is that you absolutely should not ever change the rules because you're being courteous or timid. Having the right-of-way in a boating encounter means you are the one who keeps going straight, and the other guy turns. This is not a right you choose to exercise or not; when you have the right-of-way, you MUST GO STRAIGHT. The boat without the r-o-w MUST YIELD.
Merging into highway traffic is the same. Everyone knows you're going to run out of room in the merging lane, and they are watching for you. They know that dealing with merging traffic is normal quality of driving in the left (UK) lane. They know that you MUST MERGE and they MUST YIELD. It's no surprise to them that you want to join the flow of traffic. This is not the courtesy game you play when a regular street has a closed lane and 2 lanes must turn into one. Motorway people don't let you in because they're being nice. They share the understanding that cars joining the road need space. They, too, joined the road not long before, and someone made room for them.
I remember when I started driving, and I would see a gap I wanted to get into and either it was there, or not, when I arrived at the point of merging. You have to take what you can get when the merge arrives-- you don't want to select one particular gap, but find the cars as you near the merge, and look for a car you can get in front of. Of a given gap, only the car in the rear can make the gap bigger; the front car is at the pace of traffic and not likely to slow down. Get your signal on for the merge, get your speed up, and join the lane ahead of a car. It's okay to get close to a car in front of you because you're going to back off his bumper now that you're in traffic. That's the secret of driving in traffic-- the only control you have over other cars is to slow the ones behind you. React to other cars in front, slow other cars in the back.
posted by Sunburnt at 12:05 PM on May 4, 2013 [4 favorites]
Merging into highway traffic is the same. Everyone knows you're going to run out of room in the merging lane, and they are watching for you. They know that dealing with merging traffic is normal quality of driving in the left (UK) lane. They know that you MUST MERGE and they MUST YIELD. It's no surprise to them that you want to join the flow of traffic. This is not the courtesy game you play when a regular street has a closed lane and 2 lanes must turn into one. Motorway people don't let you in because they're being nice. They share the understanding that cars joining the road need space. They, too, joined the road not long before, and someone made room for them.
I remember when I started driving, and I would see a gap I wanted to get into and either it was there, or not, when I arrived at the point of merging. You have to take what you can get when the merge arrives-- you don't want to select one particular gap, but find the cars as you near the merge, and look for a car you can get in front of. Of a given gap, only the car in the rear can make the gap bigger; the front car is at the pace of traffic and not likely to slow down. Get your signal on for the merge, get your speed up, and join the lane ahead of a car. It's okay to get close to a car in front of you because you're going to back off his bumper now that you're in traffic. That's the secret of driving in traffic-- the only control you have over other cars is to slow the ones behind you. React to other cars in front, slow other cars in the back.
posted by Sunburnt at 12:05 PM on May 4, 2013 [4 favorites]
This is why I think all driving tests should include merging onto and driving on a motorway - mine did in Australia 15 years ago, and I find it really bizarre that they don't include it here in the UK. It's an essential part of driving and something you need to be confident doing, to do it safely. But anyway... I have a particular technique as I am blind in my right eye, so it may not be suitable for you. I find myself flicking my eye from the right wing mirror to the front then to over my right shoulder, constantly, as soon as I can see the cars on the motorway. I also have sub-optimal depth perception (due to aforesaid one eye) so take a couple of milliseconds to properly concentrate on the distance I have to travel to make the gap. It's all totally automatic now though, with confidence borne from experience, and I'm sure it will be the same for you eventually. For me it's also that I love driving fast on the motorway and so the exhilaration is rewarding - you may feel differently.
Good luck! The best way to become a confident driver is to drive - as much as you can and in as many different situations as possible. And trust yourself! You passed your test first go, not many people can say that (I certainly can't).
posted by goo at 12:07 PM on May 4, 2013
Good luck! The best way to become a confident driver is to drive - as much as you can and in as many different situations as possible. And trust yourself! You passed your test first go, not many people can say that (I certainly can't).
posted by goo at 12:07 PM on May 4, 2013
You've just got to practice. Either with your instructor or without. Start easy.
Practice during daylight hrs when the roads are empty - Sunday 7am for example. Seriously. The dual carriageway or motorway traffic is going to be very light. Anybody who approaches an entrance slip road will see you a long way off and will be able to change lanes (and will do so). They do design motorways so that people can see traffic trying to join and to give people maximum time and space to accommodate joining traffic. The only exception may be very slow lorry drivers who may just keep going at their normal speed and not change lanes - that's because they travel at 50pmh or thereabouts and unless you fail to accelerate properly you will pull right past them on the slip road before you join the road...and they expect you to accelerate and do just that...
Once you can do that without panic repeat but late at night on any day of the week. That's because it feels different with headlights in your mirrors. But traffic again is really light so anybody approaching an entrance slip road will move over into the next lane to allow you to join easily.
Then try daylight hrs outside rush hour traffic on any day of the week. Traffic will be heavier. Most of the time people will still be able to change lanes to accommodate you merging. If they can't they'll slow down. So the only time there will be a problem would be if you fail to accelerate properly and then fail to join the motorway. And that's a problem because that's unexpected behaviour both for the people on the motorway and for the people behind you on the slip road. By doing what feels 'safe', ie. slowing down again and waiting you are actually making the manoeuvre much more dangerous for you and everybody else.
Once you are more comfortable during daylight hrs you can try rush hr traffic. Note that people won't necessarily be able to move over into the next lane. They'll just slow down a bit to let you join.
Then try hrs of darkness when it is raining, which is my least favourite combination of conditions. At the moment I don't own a car but I have had a good few years where I was driving at least 30k/yr on dual carriageways and motorways, in all traffic and weather conditions so this manoeuvre does not normally even register as out of the ordinary. But if it is dark and wet the combination of headlights and water drops reflected in mirrors still makes me feel uncomfortable because that combination makes distances more difficult to judge...at least for me. Doesn't stop me from driving in these conditions including on dual carriageways but I don't like joining the dual carriageway in them. So you may find that some things may never feel comfortable, even with a lot of experience.
posted by koahiatamadl at 12:14 PM on May 4, 2013 [5 favorites]
Practice during daylight hrs when the roads are empty - Sunday 7am for example. Seriously. The dual carriageway or motorway traffic is going to be very light. Anybody who approaches an entrance slip road will see you a long way off and will be able to change lanes (and will do so). They do design motorways so that people can see traffic trying to join and to give people maximum time and space to accommodate joining traffic. The only exception may be very slow lorry drivers who may just keep going at their normal speed and not change lanes - that's because they travel at 50pmh or thereabouts and unless you fail to accelerate properly you will pull right past them on the slip road before you join the road...and they expect you to accelerate and do just that...
Once you can do that without panic repeat but late at night on any day of the week. That's because it feels different with headlights in your mirrors. But traffic again is really light so anybody approaching an entrance slip road will move over into the next lane to allow you to join easily.
Then try daylight hrs outside rush hour traffic on any day of the week. Traffic will be heavier. Most of the time people will still be able to change lanes to accommodate you merging. If they can't they'll slow down. So the only time there will be a problem would be if you fail to accelerate properly and then fail to join the motorway. And that's a problem because that's unexpected behaviour both for the people on the motorway and for the people behind you on the slip road. By doing what feels 'safe', ie. slowing down again and waiting you are actually making the manoeuvre much more dangerous for you and everybody else.
Once you are more comfortable during daylight hrs you can try rush hr traffic. Note that people won't necessarily be able to move over into the next lane. They'll just slow down a bit to let you join.
Then try hrs of darkness when it is raining, which is my least favourite combination of conditions. At the moment I don't own a car but I have had a good few years where I was driving at least 30k/yr on dual carriageways and motorways, in all traffic and weather conditions so this manoeuvre does not normally even register as out of the ordinary. But if it is dark and wet the combination of headlights and water drops reflected in mirrors still makes me feel uncomfortable because that combination makes distances more difficult to judge...at least for me. Doesn't stop me from driving in these conditions including on dual carriageways but I don't like joining the dual carriageway in them. So you may find that some things may never feel comfortable, even with a lot of experience.
posted by koahiatamadl at 12:14 PM on May 4, 2013 [5 favorites]
Also keep in mind that even if you do misjudge the speed or the distance, it is in everyone else's interest to take evasive action - and they will. People do dumb shit on the road *all the time*, and part of being a good, confident driver is knowing how to deal with that and taking appropriate evasive action. Even if you make a mistake, other drivers know how to manage the situation (as you also will, with practice).
posted by goo at 12:15 PM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by goo at 12:15 PM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
Make sure that you're far enough ahead of the car that you want to merge in front of that the person driving it can see your indicator. It's better to get a little ahead and then slow to join.
You should probably also do some driving in the slow lane being the mergee instead of the merger, that will give you a much better idea of how people merge.
posted by anaelith at 12:16 PM on May 4, 2013
You should probably also do some driving in the slow lane being the mergee instead of the merger, that will give you a much better idea of how people merge.
posted by anaelith at 12:16 PM on May 4, 2013
I agree with goo; it's insane that they don't include a motorway component in standard UK driving lessons. Are you doing Pass Plus, or just having reminder lessons? Pass Plus is designed to introduce you to situations that aren't covered under standard driving lessons like dual carriageways, motorways, rural roads and night driving. If you pass the course, some insurers also treat it as the equivalent of a year's no claims bonus, so it's well worth looking at it if you haven't. Otherwise, I'll nth the advice that nobody particularly wants to have an accident, have faith that they'll be trying their hardest to avoid hitting you. Look around you to see what's happening, get up to an appropriate speed, indicate appropriately and plan early. If you can, try to figure out when the nearest major road is quietest and practice then. We live within a mile or so of the M60 and it's a suprisingly quiet and pleasant drive after nine on a Saturday night for example; when Mrs Peteyjlawson passes her test in a few months (hopefully), I'm planning on taking her out to do a circuit or two, coming off at junctions but then coming straight back on; night driving, roundabout practice and merging practice at the same time!
posted by peteyjlawson at 12:27 PM on May 4, 2013
posted by peteyjlawson at 12:27 PM on May 4, 2013
The real problems arise when cars kind of get backed up after a timid driver slows to a stop looking for a 'safe' merge gap in traffic. Then another car is forced to stop and things get gnarly from there on. That is when one of today's cars with great acceleration specs is nice to have. Not my granddaughter's 1964 VW bug.
posted by notreally at 1:18 PM on May 4, 2013
posted by notreally at 1:18 PM on May 4, 2013
Best answer: Here is my suggestion, which may or may not be helpful. I think when you are merging into a busy road, it is easy to get frightened and overwhelmed because there are so many other cars moving at high speed.
The important thing to remember is that there is only one car whose velocity and position matters to you - the car you're trying to merge in front of. None of the other cars' positions or speeds matter to you.* The car that you're going to merge in behind does not matter, because cars on the highway should not be significantly braking unless there is some rare event happening in front of them, like the tail end of a traffic jam or an accident. Other than these rare events, cars on the highway should not be decreasing their speed significantly enough to make the gap behind them disappear.
So, given that you only need to focus on that single car - as you try to attain the correct speed and to merge in, you frequently check on what that car is doing. Now, part of this is a matter of practice, which is why your driving instructor is drilling you on it. To be able to make the correct judgment about how fast a car is approaching and to time your merge in front of it is something you will easily be able to do without even thinking about it once you have honed your ability to do so. But since you have not fully developed that skill yet, you'll probably be looking for a larger size gap than someone with more experience would do. That's fine. As you approach the merge, see what the car you're merging in front of is doing. There are 3 possible options.
1. It is maintaining speed, and you will be able to merge in front of it as you expected.
2. It is slowing down a bit because it sees that you are trying to merge in, and the driver wants to leave ample room. The driver may even be putting the indicator on or making a move to shift into the lane further out from you so that he/she does not have to slow down to accommodate you.
3. It is speeding up because either the driver is not paying attention and does not see you, or that driver might just be being a jerk and actually trying not to let you in. This rarely happens.
The final step in this is to have your strategy ready for when option 3 from the list above is occurring when you check on that car. You're attaining the right speed to merge, you're approaching the merge point, you glance back to check on that car, and it has sped up, screwing up your plan. Now you are the one with 3 options.
1. Speed up even more, putting the 'pedal to the metal' to try to stay ahead of it. I do not recommend attempting this unless you have gained much more driving experience.
2. Slow down, hitting the brakes significantly so that the accelerating car flies past you and you end up merging in behind it. The driver behind that car will have seen what is happening and ought to let you in without a problem. This move is also a little bit tricky to execute, but less dangerous than option 1.
3. Maintain your speed. Since the other car is speeding up and you won't be able to make it into the spot you had planned for, this means you will end up driving onto what we Americans call 'the shoulder' or 'the breakdown lane'. I'm not sure what it's called in the UK. I think it can take the stress off you to realize that when the exit ramp ends and the highway begins, in the worst case scenario, you don't HAVE to merge in - being in the breakdown lane for a few seconds is not the end of the world, and once the accelerating car has passed you, you can merge in behind it.
* There is one other rare scenario to be aware of - one in which a car in the next lane is merging into the gap you are also trying to merge into, from the other side. This hardly ever happens, but you can deal with it either by retreating and using option 2 or 3 above, or by honking your horn so that the other merger notices you, them retreating, and you continuing. Again, this just requires being aware of how the other driver is reacting, and you will not need to worry as much about the car you're merging in front of not noticing you if you are honking your horn.
So that is a very long answer, but perhaps considering all these possibilities and having a plan ready to deal with them will help you.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 1:28 PM on May 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
The important thing to remember is that there is only one car whose velocity and position matters to you - the car you're trying to merge in front of. None of the other cars' positions or speeds matter to you.* The car that you're going to merge in behind does not matter, because cars on the highway should not be significantly braking unless there is some rare event happening in front of them, like the tail end of a traffic jam or an accident. Other than these rare events, cars on the highway should not be decreasing their speed significantly enough to make the gap behind them disappear.
So, given that you only need to focus on that single car - as you try to attain the correct speed and to merge in, you frequently check on what that car is doing. Now, part of this is a matter of practice, which is why your driving instructor is drilling you on it. To be able to make the correct judgment about how fast a car is approaching and to time your merge in front of it is something you will easily be able to do without even thinking about it once you have honed your ability to do so. But since you have not fully developed that skill yet, you'll probably be looking for a larger size gap than someone with more experience would do. That's fine. As you approach the merge, see what the car you're merging in front of is doing. There are 3 possible options.
1. It is maintaining speed, and you will be able to merge in front of it as you expected.
2. It is slowing down a bit because it sees that you are trying to merge in, and the driver wants to leave ample room. The driver may even be putting the indicator on or making a move to shift into the lane further out from you so that he/she does not have to slow down to accommodate you.
3. It is speeding up because either the driver is not paying attention and does not see you, or that driver might just be being a jerk and actually trying not to let you in. This rarely happens.
The final step in this is to have your strategy ready for when option 3 from the list above is occurring when you check on that car. You're attaining the right speed to merge, you're approaching the merge point, you glance back to check on that car, and it has sped up, screwing up your plan. Now you are the one with 3 options.
1. Speed up even more, putting the 'pedal to the metal' to try to stay ahead of it. I do not recommend attempting this unless you have gained much more driving experience.
2. Slow down, hitting the brakes significantly so that the accelerating car flies past you and you end up merging in behind it. The driver behind that car will have seen what is happening and ought to let you in without a problem. This move is also a little bit tricky to execute, but less dangerous than option 1.
3. Maintain your speed. Since the other car is speeding up and you won't be able to make it into the spot you had planned for, this means you will end up driving onto what we Americans call 'the shoulder' or 'the breakdown lane'. I'm not sure what it's called in the UK. I think it can take the stress off you to realize that when the exit ramp ends and the highway begins, in the worst case scenario, you don't HAVE to merge in - being in the breakdown lane for a few seconds is not the end of the world, and once the accelerating car has passed you, you can merge in behind it.
* There is one other rare scenario to be aware of - one in which a car in the next lane is merging into the gap you are also trying to merge into, from the other side. This hardly ever happens, but you can deal with it either by retreating and using option 2 or 3 above, or by honking your horn so that the other merger notices you, them retreating, and you continuing. Again, this just requires being aware of how the other driver is reacting, and you will not need to worry as much about the car you're merging in front of not noticing you if you are honking your horn.
So that is a very long answer, but perhaps considering all these possibilities and having a plan ready to deal with them will help you.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 1:28 PM on May 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
'the shoulder' or 'the breakdown lane'. I'm not sure what it's called in the UK. I think it can take the stress off you to realize that when the exit ramp ends and the highway begins, in the worst case scenario, you don't HAVE to merge in - being in the breakdown lane for a few seconds is not the end of the world, and once the accelerating car has passed you, you can merge in behind it.
That only exists on motorways in the UK, not usually on dual carriageways. But you are trying to join traffic travelling at 70 mph on both kinds of road. So please don't consider that an option in the UK, because you may not have the hard shoulder.
posted by koahiatamadl at 1:37 PM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
That only exists on motorways in the UK, not usually on dual carriageways. But you are trying to join traffic travelling at 70 mph on both kinds of road. So please don't consider that an option in the UK, because you may not have the hard shoulder.
posted by koahiatamadl at 1:37 PM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'll admit to not reading every single comment so far (they're all so long!), but have you considered just watching traffic merge from a safe vantage point? Find a slip road with a bridge somewhere behind it, get yourself a folding chair and just sit and watch. Both to see how other people do it and to recognise that it's really not that big a deal at all. As someone mentioned above, are you practising on the M25 at rush hour or something? Cuz on most motorways and dual carriageways, most of the time, traffic really isn't dense enough to make this an issue.
And as many people have mentioned (I did read some of the comments!), most people already on the motorway will go out of their way (literally, ha) to make room for you. I'm generally a pretty aggressive and "don't mess with me" driver, but I always, always change into the right lane to let people merge from the slip road (unless of course there's someone blocking my way and I can't). Extended observation might also help you ascertain this fact.
posted by ClarissaWAM at 2:45 PM on May 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
And as many people have mentioned (I did read some of the comments!), most people already on the motorway will go out of their way (literally, ha) to make room for you. I'm generally a pretty aggressive and "don't mess with me" driver, but I always, always change into the right lane to let people merge from the slip road (unless of course there's someone blocking my way and I can't). Extended observation might also help you ascertain this fact.
posted by ClarissaWAM at 2:45 PM on May 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
Understand that stopping is NOT an option.
I think that according to the UK Highway Code when you are on a sliproad joining a motorway it is essentially the same as a give-way junction. Those on the motorway have the right of way and those joining should be prepared to come to a complete stop if necessary. This has never happened to me in years of driving but stopping very much is an option and one which you may need to take someday.
To address your question: maybe instead of practising by entering, exiting, entering, exiting and entering a motorway until you're exhausted you should try a prolonged stretch of motorway driving once you're on there. Moving into the overtaking lane is essentially the same manoeuvre but because the speeds are closer and there are less cars there it's a bit less stressful. It might be able to build your confidence up a bit.
posted by neilb449 at 3:22 PM on May 4, 2013 [3 favorites]
I think that according to the UK Highway Code when you are on a sliproad joining a motorway it is essentially the same as a give-way junction. Those on the motorway have the right of way and those joining should be prepared to come to a complete stop if necessary. This has never happened to me in years of driving but stopping very much is an option and one which you may need to take someday.
To address your question: maybe instead of practising by entering, exiting, entering, exiting and entering a motorway until you're exhausted you should try a prolonged stretch of motorway driving once you're on there. Moving into the overtaking lane is essentially the same manoeuvre but because the speeds are closer and there are less cars there it's a bit less stressful. It might be able to build your confidence up a bit.
posted by neilb449 at 3:22 PM on May 4, 2013 [3 favorites]
I think you would benefit from working with another instructor, just to get a 2nd perspective. The suggestion to practice when the roads aren't busy is also good. Practice accelerating as you join traffic; you are very unlikely to hit the car in front of you, and it's better to join traffic slightly too close to the car ahead, with plenty of room behind you. Any skill gets better with practice. Good luck.
posted by theora55 at 8:09 AM on May 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 8:09 AM on May 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
I completely understand your fear. What helped me get over similar fears:
1. Driving in the merge lane for a long time (15-30 minutes, the an hour or so when I had to go somewhere) to see how I behave and how others behave for those who are merging. To see how people choose to merge (pedal to the metal or slow and easy). You learn the general "types" of mergers and "let-inners" and it makes it easier to drive (oh that guy is a jerk, I'll merge behind him - oh that guy is nice, he's giving me lots of room).
2. Realizing that other cars have no desire to hit me and will brake/drive around me. It's easy for a panicky brain to forget that cars are actually PEOPLE driving cars, and those people just want to get on with their day and not have to deal with an accident.
Best of luck!
posted by olya at 2:20 AM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]
1. Driving in the merge lane for a long time (15-30 minutes, the an hour or so when I had to go somewhere) to see how I behave and how others behave for those who are merging. To see how people choose to merge (pedal to the metal or slow and easy). You learn the general "types" of mergers and "let-inners" and it makes it easier to drive (oh that guy is a jerk, I'll merge behind him - oh that guy is nice, he's giving me lots of room).
2. Realizing that other cars have no desire to hit me and will brake/drive around me. It's easy for a panicky brain to forget that cars are actually PEOPLE driving cars, and those people just want to get on with their day and not have to deal with an accident.
Best of luck!
posted by olya at 2:20 AM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Just wanted to check in and let you know that I did it! It still scares me to join the dual carriageway from a slip road, but I can do it now, even on my own, without falling apart. It makes so much more sense and seems much less random now. Your answers really helped! Thank you. :-)
posted by pootler at 1:59 AM on May 21, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by pootler at 1:59 AM on May 21, 2013 [9 favorites]
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I had a lot of nervousness about this when I first started driving, and it's something I got over gradually. What helped me -- which unfortunately can't be reliably replicated in your case -- is to practice on busy urban highways where congestion slows everyone down and forces all the drivers to sort of work together to get everyone merged in. This can be a frustrating situation if you're trying to get somewhere in a hurry, but after merging in 20 times at low speeds and understanding that other drivers see you coming and will let you in, it won't seem nearly so scary.
posted by Sara C. at 10:39 AM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]