Care and keeping of curly hair... on a toddler
May 3, 2013 2:13 PM Subscribe
My two-and-a-half-year-old daughter has inherited my crazy-thick, curly, totally uncooperative hair. She is a spitfire personality who despises having her head washed/combed/messed with, and I want to somehow minimize the trauma of keeping her looking civilized (which, at the moment, she rarely does). Help!
So, I'm tired of my family telling me that my child looks homeless, and my child is tired of having mommy spend ages in the bath trying to comb conditioner through the tangles. I was using some discontinued baby wash from The Body Shop that I found at TJMaxx as shampoo, and it worked great; I ran out of that a couple weeks ago and decided to use the sample-sized Johnson's baby stuff that I had lying around ... and OH MY GOD the tangles, the tears, the misery. I am going to buy something else, but I need recommendations!
My normal routine is thus: I wash her hair 2-3 times a week (as long as she hasn't gotten anything in it) with a gentle shampoo; I use a natural conditioner to comb through and detangle, squeeze out the water with a towel, and add an extra dab of conditioner as a leave-in. As long as she bathes early in the day and her hair gets to air-dry we get gorgeous victorian-style tight blonde ringlets that everyone adores (seriously, total strangers come up to me multiple times a day gushing over her hair when it's done right).
BUT! But, if her hair is still damp when she goes to bed/nap, or if she touches anything, or if it's been a day or half a day since the bath, or if I can't get the comb through the conditioner nicely, we have HUGE POOFY CRAZY MESS. Think of a large 70s afro, only blonde, only after the owner stuck their finger in an electrical socket. So... do I have to resign myself to every-morning hair washing? Should I cut it all off (it's down to mid-back when wet, but sticks out like a curly Einstein- after a day)? Should I just let her look like a hobo with random curls and tangles everywhere? (it kinda fits her personality, tbh, but part of me feels like a neglectful parent leaving it like this).
If you have a curly-haired child, let me know what you use (shampoo, conditioner, styling product?) and how you deal!
I've read good things about Devacurl, Mixed Chicks, etc online but they are so pricey I'm reluctant to try them if they won't work for me. I will however shell out the money if that's what will save me the daily headaches...
So, I'm tired of my family telling me that my child looks homeless, and my child is tired of having mommy spend ages in the bath trying to comb conditioner through the tangles. I was using some discontinued baby wash from The Body Shop that I found at TJMaxx as shampoo, and it worked great; I ran out of that a couple weeks ago and decided to use the sample-sized Johnson's baby stuff that I had lying around ... and OH MY GOD the tangles, the tears, the misery. I am going to buy something else, but I need recommendations!
My normal routine is thus: I wash her hair 2-3 times a week (as long as she hasn't gotten anything in it) with a gentle shampoo; I use a natural conditioner to comb through and detangle, squeeze out the water with a towel, and add an extra dab of conditioner as a leave-in. As long as she bathes early in the day and her hair gets to air-dry we get gorgeous victorian-style tight blonde ringlets that everyone adores (seriously, total strangers come up to me multiple times a day gushing over her hair when it's done right).
BUT! But, if her hair is still damp when she goes to bed/nap, or if she touches anything, or if it's been a day or half a day since the bath, or if I can't get the comb through the conditioner nicely, we have HUGE POOFY CRAZY MESS. Think of a large 70s afro, only blonde, only after the owner stuck their finger in an electrical socket. So... do I have to resign myself to every-morning hair washing? Should I cut it all off (it's down to mid-back when wet, but sticks out like a curly Einstein- after a day)? Should I just let her look like a hobo with random curls and tangles everywhere? (it kinda fits her personality, tbh, but part of me feels like a neglectful parent leaving it like this).
If you have a curly-haired child, let me know what you use (shampoo, conditioner, styling product?) and how you deal!
I've read good things about Devacurl, Mixed Chicks, etc online but they are so pricey I'm reluctant to try them if they won't work for me. I will however shell out the money if that's what will save me the daily headaches...
My daughter has very different hair than yours (straight, fine, thick) but a similar personality and similar insta-tangle problems. We have a lot of good luck with detanglers, but honestly what worked the best was cutting it short until she got old enough to be reasoned with. Like an ear-length bob. She looked like Christopher Robin, but it was worth it to avoid the fights every day.
posted by KathrynT at 2:17 PM on May 3, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by KathrynT at 2:17 PM on May 3, 2013 [5 favorites]
Every morning I spray the Mixed Chicks detangler on her hair and either finger-comb it or fine-tooth-comb it. I'll probably try the much cheaper No More Tangles (Johnson's) when we run out.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 2:20 PM on May 3, 2013
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 2:20 PM on May 3, 2013
Also, when it's long enough, we'll be french braiding it because I can't think of any other solution.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 2:20 PM on May 3, 2013
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 2:20 PM on May 3, 2013
Have you thought about a short haircut?
My hair was long, straight and fine when I was a kid. It tangled mercilessly and I had the nerve to be tenderheaded.
My Mom bought No More Tangles by the caseload and even had a weird appliance called a Purr, which was two vibrating combs that she used to untangle my hair.
I wanted short hair, but it was 1971 and that wasn't going to happen. So I suffered until 1974, when Mom relented and let me get the Toni Tennile mushroom haircut.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:23 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
My hair was long, straight and fine when I was a kid. It tangled mercilessly and I had the nerve to be tenderheaded.
My Mom bought No More Tangles by the caseload and even had a weird appliance called a Purr, which was two vibrating combs that she used to untangle my hair.
I wanted short hair, but it was 1971 and that wasn't going to happen. So I suffered until 1974, when Mom relented and let me get the Toni Tennile mushroom haircut.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:23 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm not an expert in child psychology, but I think you'd be doing a serious mitzvah by setting your kid's first personal image memories at Mom Loved My Rad Hair The Way It Is Because I Am Awesome instead of at Mom Had To Fix Me All The Time Because I Don't Ever Look Right. These things definitely stick with children a while and can loom way larger, I bet, than we imagine.
posted by threeants at 2:32 PM on May 3, 2013 [33 favorites]
posted by threeants at 2:32 PM on May 3, 2013 [33 favorites]
My three year old's hair may not be as nuts as yours, but it's pretty intense. We:
- almost never actually shampoo her hair, just comb through in the bath with conditioner daily
- are resigned to the fact that it is only tidy when freshly air-dried, which is generally for the audience of just us. oh well.
- keep a spray bottle by the breakfast table with water and a little conditioner inside. Shake the bottle, spritz the child while child is eating, quickly attack major/ominous tangles with wide-toothed comb, and then just sort of scrunch the hair all over quickly to make it slightly more curly-coherent and less Einstein-nutball.
Step three has gotten easier to get her to submit to as it has become more boringly routine via long repetition. A really good comb helps a lot too. We have one from Mason Pearson that is a winner.
posted by redfoxtail at 2:32 PM on May 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
- almost never actually shampoo her hair, just comb through in the bath with conditioner daily
- are resigned to the fact that it is only tidy when freshly air-dried, which is generally for the audience of just us. oh well.
- keep a spray bottle by the breakfast table with water and a little conditioner inside. Shake the bottle, spritz the child while child is eating, quickly attack major/ominous tangles with wide-toothed comb, and then just sort of scrunch the hair all over quickly to make it slightly more curly-coherent and less Einstein-nutball.
Step three has gotten easier to get her to submit to as it has become more boringly routine via long repetition. A really good comb helps a lot too. We have one from Mason Pearson that is a winner.
posted by redfoxtail at 2:32 PM on May 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
Down to mid-back and she's a toddler with ouchy hair? I'd definitely cut it short. She just wants to run around and play, not worry about how her hair looks. Plenty of years for that in her future.
posted by headnsouth at 2:33 PM on May 3, 2013 [12 favorites]
posted by headnsouth at 2:33 PM on May 3, 2013 [12 favorites]
Seems to me like you need some gel or mousse or spray to hold those curls together into the second day! It's when all the hairs start to separate that you get the fro. You put it in when her hair is damp, it dries into those dreamy ringlets, and then they stay together longer than they would with no product.
And cut it a little shorter.
posted by amaire at 2:34 PM on May 3, 2013
And cut it a little shorter.
posted by amaire at 2:34 PM on May 3, 2013
Nthing short hair. There was a little girl in my daughter's kindergarten class who had an adorable, super-short crop (a little like this cut).
My own daughter, who has straight, fine hair, prefers it short for ease of care as well.
posted by moira at 2:35 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
My own daughter, who has straight, fine hair, prefers it short for ease of care as well.
posted by moira at 2:35 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
My friend has a little girl with hair that seems similar, and she swears by this post for keeping it under control.
posted by logic vs love at 2:35 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by logic vs love at 2:35 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
I cut off my eldest's hair one morning before school, because I was tired of the constant fighting, I had threatened to do so several times, and one shouldn't threat if one isn't ready to follow through.
This had several advantages: first of all, we all enjoyed the practicality of it. Second, when it grew out, she had learned to be patient while I combed. Third, she had learned I meant it when I said enough is enough. Last, but not least, she explained her little sister all those lessons carefully, so we didn't have to go through them again.
Sadly, when the hair grew out, the curls were gone, but I suppose that would have happened eventually no matter what.
posted by mumimor at 2:40 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
This had several advantages: first of all, we all enjoyed the practicality of it. Second, when it grew out, she had learned to be patient while I combed. Third, she had learned I meant it when I said enough is enough. Last, but not least, she explained her little sister all those lessons carefully, so we didn't have to go through them again.
Sadly, when the hair grew out, the curls were gone, but I suppose that would have happened eventually no matter what.
posted by mumimor at 2:40 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Since it's longer, do you ever use braids to control drying if you can't give her a morning bath? Or, braid when it's been a day or 2 since a bath? It's a great way to prevent her curls from getting frizzed out or to tame the hair once it's started to frizz. The fact that she has longer hair could be a real asset if you can braid her hair. Shorter hair will leave you with less length to detangle, but also fewer options for managing the hair with braids or similar strategies.
posted by quince at 2:43 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by quince at 2:43 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Ok. I have very thick, long, curly hair. And bad memories of it being "dealt" with as a child.
To manage it you'll need very thick, creamy conditioners. Try herbal essences hello hydration. Sometimes Costco has a huge bottle for around $7. Please don't get next to that child with a brush. Have a spray bottle near by. Detangling should only be done while the hair is wet and saturated with conditioner. I only wash my hair once a week. Have you tried ponytails or braids?
I want to say don't cut it!! I want all little crazy haired girls to grow up loving their curls and frizz and the drama and trauma of hair time can take away from that.
I actaully am about to go but memail me if you want more product recs or styling methods. There are also tons of websites out there that will help you out.
posted by mokeydraws at 2:46 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
To manage it you'll need very thick, creamy conditioners. Try herbal essences hello hydration. Sometimes Costco has a huge bottle for around $7. Please don't get next to that child with a brush. Have a spray bottle near by. Detangling should only be done while the hair is wet and saturated with conditioner. I only wash my hair once a week. Have you tried ponytails or braids?
I want to say don't cut it!! I want all little crazy haired girls to grow up loving their curls and frizz and the drama and trauma of hair time can take away from that.
I actaully am about to go but memail me if you want more product recs or styling methods. There are also tons of websites out there that will help you out.
posted by mokeydraws at 2:46 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Get the book Curly Girl -- I literally cried when I read it because someone understood my childhood hair trauma. Probably you need to wash it WAY less often. I use Herbal Essences Hello Hydration conditioner on my own thick, curly, frizz-prone hair, like monkeydraws. Very wide-toothed combs, lots of thick conditioner, and try to teach her to keep her hands out of her hair -- the more she touches it, the worse the tangles will get.
Honestly I'd cut it short and let her have an adorable SHORT curly mop until she's a little older. And wash it way less often.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:53 PM on May 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
Honestly I'd cut it short and let her have an adorable SHORT curly mop until she's a little older. And wash it way less often.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:53 PM on May 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
Sort of grown-up curly kid here. This is a subject close to my heart, so forgive the length.
Curly hair is super delicate and fussy and happiest when left to its own devices...which means rinsing and conditioning and scrubbing daily but only shampooing when the hair starts to stink or if something serious gets in there. I haven't shampoo'd yet in 2013. I know it sounds gross. The scalp will normalize and hair will be a lot happier and healthier for it. Coconut oil every few days in moderation--dip a finger in the jar and only use what stays on the finger. NEVER comb. It rips the hair apart, which will lead to an angry uprising--both your kid and the hair. Just pick apart the biggest tangles when it's wet. I have lots of tangles hanging out on my head at any given moment. I am a gainfully employed adult. There is no law that says hair must be perfectly free of tangles. Curly hair won't be.
This book helped me a lot when I was younger and really hating my hair: Curly Girl
My humble opinion is that it's super important you treat her curls as something awesome and special and not this arduous THING that has to be fixed. I was about 21 when I finally got really stoked about my hair. I spent a long time hating it and feeling bad about it and, really, hair is a pretty terrible thing to waste that much energy on. My hair is a huge, unruly mop right now, and while my grandmother is pretty scandalized, literally every day people stop me in the street to tell me how much they love it. I love it too because I almost never have to think about it, which it sounds like your child would also appreciate.
Tell your kid a fellow curly kid says hello!
posted by justjess at 2:54 PM on May 3, 2013 [6 favorites]
Curly hair is super delicate and fussy and happiest when left to its own devices...which means rinsing and conditioning and scrubbing daily but only shampooing when the hair starts to stink or if something serious gets in there. I haven't shampoo'd yet in 2013. I know it sounds gross. The scalp will normalize and hair will be a lot happier and healthier for it. Coconut oil every few days in moderation--dip a finger in the jar and only use what stays on the finger. NEVER comb. It rips the hair apart, which will lead to an angry uprising--both your kid and the hair. Just pick apart the biggest tangles when it's wet. I have lots of tangles hanging out on my head at any given moment. I am a gainfully employed adult. There is no law that says hair must be perfectly free of tangles. Curly hair won't be.
This book helped me a lot when I was younger and really hating my hair: Curly Girl
My humble opinion is that it's super important you treat her curls as something awesome and special and not this arduous THING that has to be fixed. I was about 21 when I finally got really stoked about my hair. I spent a long time hating it and feeling bad about it and, really, hair is a pretty terrible thing to waste that much energy on. My hair is a huge, unruly mop right now, and while my grandmother is pretty scandalized, literally every day people stop me in the street to tell me how much they love it. I love it too because I almost never have to think about it, which it sounds like your child would also appreciate.
Tell your kid a fellow curly kid says hello!
posted by justjess at 2:54 PM on May 3, 2013 [6 favorites]
I have mostly straight hair, but I have a LOT of it, and when I was little, it was pretty wavy. My mom insisted upon my having long hair, and it was always a horrible experience trying to get it corralled into something manageable.
If your daughter is on board with it, consider cutting it short. It would have made my childhood much easier and much more stress free.
(I had a lot of arguments with my mom growing up, but the only ones I really remember having before I was 9 or so were ALWAYS about my hair.)
posted by phunniemee at 2:56 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
If your daughter is on board with it, consider cutting it short. It would have made my childhood much easier and much more stress free.
(I had a lot of arguments with my mom growing up, but the only ones I really remember having before I was 9 or so were ALWAYS about my hair.)
posted by phunniemee at 2:56 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Just to clarify something - we ADORE her hair, and are definitely not sending the message that there's anything wrong with it! My hair is actually pretty similar, and I spent my childhood miserably hating my looks because of it... Due to an unsympathetic mother who thought the whole problem was that I needed to brush it more often, I spent my adolescence looking like Anne Hathaway from the Princess Diaries, pre-makeover. Traumatic. I'm familiar with curly-girl, have used the method (intermittently) on myself, though I will guiltily admit that I've never completely made peace with my curliness and still often use a straightener etcetera. See, my own mother made me believe that absolutely anything besides brushing (i.e. gel, leave-ins, straighteners, curlers, etc) were a vanity and that I was undoubtedly a worse person for desiring to mess with nature in any way - so I want my daughter to stay as free as possible from any of that baggage. I know, she's only two, but I'm a bit sensitive on this point. Heh.
Part of the reason I'm so reluctant to chop it, ties into this; because the mophead look has become so quintessentially "her" and so natural to her that my emotional side doesn't want to let go of it... cutting it feels like a cop-out, maybe? Sigh. I do like moira's link though, so maybe I will reconsider that option...
posted by celtalitha at 3:00 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Part of the reason I'm so reluctant to chop it, ties into this; because the mophead look has become so quintessentially "her" and so natural to her that my emotional side doesn't want to let go of it... cutting it feels like a cop-out, maybe? Sigh. I do like moira's link though, so maybe I will reconsider that option...
posted by celtalitha at 3:00 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
I detangle my kids' hair while they are sitting in the tub and the conditioner is still on their head. I use the slickest conditioner I can find, which ironically tends to be the cheaper drugstore ones than the hippie ones. (Not the very cheapest, but like Dove, Herbal Essences, etc.) Detangle first, rinse after.
posted by fingersandtoes at 3:00 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 3:00 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
Speaking as another curly haired child, please make sure she'd be happy with short hair. I had super short hair from first through 7th grade and hated it but was never given a choice in the matter. When I finally did grow it out I had no idea how to manage it.
posted by cabingirl at 3:03 PM on May 3, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by cabingirl at 3:03 PM on May 3, 2013 [8 favorites]
I have super-curly hair. I went through this with my mom when I was a kid. Cut it short. As soon as humanly possible. It will improve her quality of life so, so much. My mom cut my hair super-short when I was a kid, and all of the photos of me from that time look just like Little Orphan Annie. Freakin' adorable, if I do say so myself.
Ultimately, this has to be about her, and not about your feelings about how she looks. You seem like a really cool mom, and I think you know that. Right now, this is causing substantial grief for both of you. If you cut it in a shorter, but flattering style, it may cause some grief for you, but it'll reduce the grief for her and really help her to love her hair and the way she looks rather than seeing it as something annoying to be managed and that takes time away from fun stuff.
The one caution I would have is that it looked absolutely terrible for 3 years or so when I got to middle school and wanted to grow it out, because the awkward stage was hideous. So I would agree that you should cut it shorter than it currently is, for both of your sanity, but I'd say go with a chin-length or a little longer bob rather than a very short cut. That way, it's less awkward if she does want to grow it longer when she's old enough to take care of it herself and make judgments about how much time and effort she wants to put into it.
posted by decathecting at 3:08 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
Ultimately, this has to be about her, and not about your feelings about how she looks. You seem like a really cool mom, and I think you know that. Right now, this is causing substantial grief for both of you. If you cut it in a shorter, but flattering style, it may cause some grief for you, but it'll reduce the grief for her and really help her to love her hair and the way she looks rather than seeing it as something annoying to be managed and that takes time away from fun stuff.
The one caution I would have is that it looked absolutely terrible for 3 years or so when I got to middle school and wanted to grow it out, because the awkward stage was hideous. So I would agree that you should cut it shorter than it currently is, for both of your sanity, but I'd say go with a chin-length or a little longer bob rather than a very short cut. That way, it's less awkward if she does want to grow it longer when she's old enough to take care of it herself and make judgments about how much time and effort she wants to put into it.
posted by decathecting at 3:08 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
This hair runs in my family. Everyone but me has it. When my sister was little, my mom resorted to cutting it short, like others have recommended. If you don't want to cut, try a leave-in conditioner or something oily. You don't need to use a lot, but the oil will help the curls stick together and be more supple, with fewer tangles. Personally, I think anything longer than chin length on a curly-haired small child is kind of cruel, because the tangles are agonising. She can grow it longer when she's old enough to tough it out for a weekly de-tangling.
posted by amusebuche at 3:09 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by amusebuche at 3:09 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
My kids are biracial and have thick, gorgeously curly hair. We've had good results with Shea Moisture shampoo from Target, used once or twice a week. In between, we use Suave almond and shea conditioner with each bath, and rinse it out, and use Shea Moisture coconut hibiscus leave-in conditioner as a detangler when needed. The boys' hair gets brushed very occasionally. Usually we just gently detangle with a wide-toothed comb or pick.
posted by terrierhead at 3:16 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by terrierhead at 3:16 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Oh, and also, if you cut it shorter, but still commit to conditioning and caring for it properly, that afro/Einstein thing will look adorable instead of messy and tangly.
posted by decathecting at 3:18 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by decathecting at 3:18 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
Speaking as another curly haired child, please make sure she'd be happy with short hair. I had super short hair from first through 7th grade and hated it but was never given a choice in the matter. When I finally did grow it out I had no idea how to manage it.
Yes, ditto. I was told I had to have a short haircut because I was too fussy during hairbrushing but also did not have a choice and also hated it. I prefer long hair now, but barely know how to care for it as an adult.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 3:22 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yes, ditto. I was told I had to have a short haircut because I was too fussy during hairbrushing but also did not have a choice and also hated it. I prefer long hair now, but barely know how to care for it as an adult.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 3:22 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm a former frizzy-curly, and I stopped using shampoo a long time ago. There are a lot of products out there, but I swear by Wen ( www.wenhaircare.com - links are being weird on my phone, sorry! ). Keeps my hair nice and shiny as well as smooth-curly.
posted by fireandthud at 3:27 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by fireandthud at 3:27 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
I found detanglers to make the tangles worse over time. I reckon argan oil is your friend. Curly hair doesn't need shampoo very much, but it needs lots of moisture. Argan oil, not near the roots, particularly at the back of her head where she sleeps and gets big tangles.
Put it on when her hair is wet. And again in the days you're not washing it, when the hair is dry. Don't use too much. A little tiny bit goes a very long way.
posted by taff at 3:27 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
Put it on when her hair is wet. And again in the days you're not washing it, when the hair is dry. Don't use too much. A little tiny bit goes a very long way.
posted by taff at 3:27 PM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
I have used this on a 4 year old with long long crazy cute curls. This smells so good, works great and is a leave in. I use the whole line for my curly hair.
posted by Swisstine at 3:35 PM on May 3, 2013
posted by Swisstine at 3:35 PM on May 3, 2013
I have the same hair and the very first time I was left alone with a hairdresser I buzzed it. I think I was 5 or 6 and I lied and told her I had head lice and my mom wanted my head shaved so I could get rid of the damn stuff. So I'm going to vote for short cut until she's old enough to deal with it herself.
posted by fshgrl at 3:48 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by fshgrl at 3:48 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
I have very curly hair (take a look at the picture in my profile...) and I would also say you should think about cutting it! My hair was nothing like it is now when I was younger (puberty curls!)-- it would have been a nightmare to take care of it if it had been... it was bad enough when it was just wavy and thick.
However, I would say this about care (I've never tried to take care of a child's hair, but this works on my own):
--The natural conditioner might not cut it. I don't know how attached you are to using natural products but I would be in the shower all night trying to detangle my hair if I used natural stuff (maybe there's some miracle stuff, I'm just speaking of the stuff I have tried).
--Using fingers to detangle is less painful on my hair than a comb. I use my fingers to pull apart the knots, rather than pull through the knots.
--Gel would probably help. It feels a little weird to use it on a toddler, but I bet it would help with the tangling by keeping the curls more separate from each other and thus less prone to tangle. It's not super important what kind of gel in my experience, I used to use something called La Bella lots of curls which was good and cheap but when I couldn't find it last time I was at the store I switched to a $3 large bottle of pink goop and it works about as well. Fingercomb it through wet hair and air dry.
posted by geegollygosh at 3:56 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
However, I would say this about care (I've never tried to take care of a child's hair, but this works on my own):
--The natural conditioner might not cut it. I don't know how attached you are to using natural products but I would be in the shower all night trying to detangle my hair if I used natural stuff (maybe there's some miracle stuff, I'm just speaking of the stuff I have tried).
--Using fingers to detangle is less painful on my hair than a comb. I use my fingers to pull apart the knots, rather than pull through the knots.
--Gel would probably help. It feels a little weird to use it on a toddler, but I bet it would help with the tangling by keeping the curls more separate from each other and thus less prone to tangle. It's not super important what kind of gel in my experience, I used to use something called La Bella lots of curls which was good and cheap but when I couldn't find it last time I was at the store I switched to a $3 large bottle of pink goop and it works about as well. Fingercomb it through wet hair and air dry.
posted by geegollygosh at 3:56 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
I had hair like this as a kid, and if I could go back in time, I would tell my mom to cut it off, at least until she gets old enough to care for it herself (and make the choice of how much effort she wants to put into long hair). I have SO MANY horrible memories of really painful hair detangling, and all for vanity over a kid who does not really know/care what their hair looks like. So not worth it. Honestly, even now my eyes are sort of watering remembering all the tears and fights over tangled hair. Girls with shorter hair can still be girly and super cute! I don't think it's worth it for a little kid to have to go through so much pain over their looks.
posted by rainbowbrite at 4:08 PM on May 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by rainbowbrite at 4:08 PM on May 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
My kids have fine, straight, easily-tangled hair. The No-more-tangled etc detanglers did nothing. Using lots if super-heavy-duty conditioner (+ sometimes additional leave-in) has helped a lot. I went to a beauty supply store and she suggested some sort of super-conditioning creme.
posted by leahwrenn at 4:12 PM on May 3, 2013
posted by leahwrenn at 4:12 PM on May 3, 2013
As the mom of a 4 year old curly girl, I beg you to stop shampooing.
I scrub-a-dub the kiddos scalp every bath time with drug store conditioner. Never ever use any Johnson & Johnson kids hair product - they're all incredibly good at drying out and tangling her hair.
Seconding the water spray bottle with a bit of conditioner mixed in as a daily refresher.
And braids. Just a plain old braid will keep everything very tidy and tangle-free (except for the bits that frizz out of the braid, but those are wee tangles, really).
Good luck!
posted by waterisfinite at 4:27 PM on May 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
I scrub-a-dub the kiddos scalp every bath time with drug store conditioner. Never ever use any Johnson & Johnson kids hair product - they're all incredibly good at drying out and tangling her hair.
Seconding the water spray bottle with a bit of conditioner mixed in as a daily refresher.
And braids. Just a plain old braid will keep everything very tidy and tangle-free (except for the bits that frizz out of the braid, but those are wee tangles, really).
Good luck!
posted by waterisfinite at 4:27 PM on May 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
I was this kid. Please, please do not cut her hair short without her buy-in. My mom forced me to have short hair until I was in my teens for just this reason -- I was tender-headed and she didn't want to have to deal with my pain in the ass super curly hair that looked messy five seconds after she combed it.
But I desperately wanted long princess hair. The mismatch between what I considered beautiful and what I saw in the mirror caused me many years of unhappiness. Body sovereignty matters. It's her hair, and even at two, she should have a pretty big say about what she looks like. (If she's like my kids she definitely has opinions about what she should look like, even already.)
My advice: Wash her hair less, and maybe switch to condition-washing, a la the Curly Girl method. Never, never use a brush, ever.
To freshen up second-day-and-after hair, scrunch with a wet washcloth and then scrunch in a little regular conditioner. And when I say "scrunch" I mean "hold in place to a count of thirty," not "lift and immediately release." The second one begets more frizz.
posted by Andrhia at 4:39 PM on May 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
But I desperately wanted long princess hair. The mismatch between what I considered beautiful and what I saw in the mirror caused me many years of unhappiness. Body sovereignty matters. It's her hair, and even at two, she should have a pretty big say about what she looks like. (If she's like my kids she definitely has opinions about what she should look like, even already.)
My advice: Wash her hair less, and maybe switch to condition-washing, a la the Curly Girl method. Never, never use a brush, ever.
To freshen up second-day-and-after hair, scrunch with a wet washcloth and then scrunch in a little regular conditioner. And when I say "scrunch" I mean "hold in place to a count of thirty," not "lift and immediately release." The second one begets more frizz.
posted by Andrhia at 4:39 PM on May 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
When my curly-haired granddaughter was two, she hated the detangling process and fought it all the way, and I couldn't really blame her. One thing that helped, though, might help you also: I would sit down on the floor and give her a comb or brush and a squirt bottle with water and conditioner in it and let her "fix" my hair any way she wanted - she loved it. We had a lot of fun that way and when I'd "fix" her hair she'd sit still and let me do it, knowing that she got to do mine as soon as I was finished. She never wanted her hair cut and actually had her first haircut when she was in middle school - at a school assembly with some other long-haired girls; the girls donated their long locks to Locks of Love for wigs for cancer patients. The weight of her long hair had diminished the curl from the frizz-ball it was early on, but she has the perfect amount of natural curl now that she's in her 20s - and she enjoys fussing with her hair to this day.
posted by aryma at 4:44 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by aryma at 4:44 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Kinetic Jr 1 of 3 had similar issues. Fiery personality and crazy curls. And she'd go bananas whenever I tried to comb them.
I ended up cutting it because I just couldn't deal with the bathtime screaming and subsequent rat's nests after I gave up. I think she probably stopped getting real cuts when she was 14 and now she's 21 and has gorgeous long curly hair that she hasn't brushed in years.
But I still feel badly that I cut it, seriously, and if I could do it all again, first I'd try this:
use the conditioner cleaning method or google "no poo" and go from there
do the leave-in conditioner
teach her how to carefully use a pick to detangle her hair because it's possible she can do this herself
start to love braids
I'd give that a whirl for a few weeks. But in my opinion, if it's still a nightmare, then just cut it. Life's too short to turn hair care into a headache.
posted by kinetic at 4:51 PM on May 3, 2013
I ended up cutting it because I just couldn't deal with the bathtime screaming and subsequent rat's nests after I gave up. I think she probably stopped getting real cuts when she was 14 and now she's 21 and has gorgeous long curly hair that she hasn't brushed in years.
But I still feel badly that I cut it, seriously, and if I could do it all again, first I'd try this:
use the conditioner cleaning method or google "no poo" and go from there
do the leave-in conditioner
teach her how to carefully use a pick to detangle her hair because it's possible she can do this herself
start to love braids
I'd give that a whirl for a few weeks. But in my opinion, if it's still a nightmare, then just cut it. Life's too short to turn hair care into a headache.
posted by kinetic at 4:51 PM on May 3, 2013
Ok. I have very thick, long, curly hair. And bad memories of it being "dealt" with as a child.
Eugh, yea. I have a sort of bob ross thing going on with my hair. My mom looks like a not-white version of the "brave" girl. The entire time i was growing up, until i was into my teens i would just be made to get a haircut, or if my hair was long made to wash my hair/somehow deal with it. At one point i was drug out of bed in the middle of the night to have a haircut forced on me because it looked "too messy". The resulting haircut was so bad i shaved my head. In the end, i've rocked something between a bob ross and a bob dylan ever since.
I could go on, but this sort of hair war lasted my entire childhood over the same exact kind of thing.
Looking back on it though, having short hair when i was that young was honestly better than the alternatives. If she's ok with it, i'd say that's your solution.
Should I just let her look like a hobo with random curls and tangles everywhere? (it kinda fits her personality, tbh, but part of me feels like a neglectful parent leaving it like this).
Honestly, yes. If it isn't dirty or stinky, and that's how it looks, and she likes it then just let her roll with it. I'd definitely check if she'd rather have short hair than have it dealt with though. If she thinks it looks bad all messy but hates the process of managing it, then maybe short hair would be a better option.
I just can't forget how much bitterness was created over the "Oh, you have to look a certain way, and you have to look presentable or i'm a bad parent!" kind of logic forcing various hair wars on me. I'd really stop and think. If she likes it, and you're ok with it but worried what other people think then fuck them. What if you had a little boy who wanted to wear a dress, and had no problem with it, but were worried what other parents would think? because in this case, no other little kids are going to give a shit about her hair.
I'm also with waterisfinite on shampooing and washing it less. My hair would get greasy quickly, and generally felt dried out when i was washing my hair more than once a week. That's really about the sweet spot. It took me years to figure that out. I also try and use as little product as possible, and definitely wouldn't use any heavy conditioners or anything. but that's more of a personal choice.
Threeants is slaying it here as well. My friends who have curly hair, whose parents just let them do whatever they wanted their entire childhood went in to being teens with a confidence it took me years to build about my personal appearance. And i still know for a fact that my mom hates my hair, which is still fucked up.
And i say again, as a closing statement, is there any specific reason not to just let it be if that's how she wants it, other than "but other people will think i'm a bad parent!" ???
posted by emptythought at 5:23 PM on May 3, 2013 [7 favorites]
Eugh, yea. I have a sort of bob ross thing going on with my hair. My mom looks like a not-white version of the "brave" girl. The entire time i was growing up, until i was into my teens i would just be made to get a haircut, or if my hair was long made to wash my hair/somehow deal with it. At one point i was drug out of bed in the middle of the night to have a haircut forced on me because it looked "too messy". The resulting haircut was so bad i shaved my head. In the end, i've rocked something between a bob ross and a bob dylan ever since.
I could go on, but this sort of hair war lasted my entire childhood over the same exact kind of thing.
Looking back on it though, having short hair when i was that young was honestly better than the alternatives. If she's ok with it, i'd say that's your solution.
Should I just let her look like a hobo with random curls and tangles everywhere? (it kinda fits her personality, tbh, but part of me feels like a neglectful parent leaving it like this).
Honestly, yes. If it isn't dirty or stinky, and that's how it looks, and she likes it then just let her roll with it. I'd definitely check if she'd rather have short hair than have it dealt with though. If she thinks it looks bad all messy but hates the process of managing it, then maybe short hair would be a better option.
I just can't forget how much bitterness was created over the "Oh, you have to look a certain way, and you have to look presentable or i'm a bad parent!" kind of logic forcing various hair wars on me. I'd really stop and think. If she likes it, and you're ok with it but worried what other people think then fuck them. What if you had a little boy who wanted to wear a dress, and had no problem with it, but were worried what other parents would think? because in this case, no other little kids are going to give a shit about her hair.
I'm also with waterisfinite on shampooing and washing it less. My hair would get greasy quickly, and generally felt dried out when i was washing my hair more than once a week. That's really about the sweet spot. It took me years to figure that out. I also try and use as little product as possible, and definitely wouldn't use any heavy conditioners or anything. but that's more of a personal choice.
Threeants is slaying it here as well. My friends who have curly hair, whose parents just let them do whatever they wanted their entire childhood went in to being teens with a confidence it took me years to build about my personal appearance. And i still know for a fact that my mom hates my hair, which is still fucked up.
And i say again, as a closing statement, is there any specific reason not to just let it be if that's how she wants it, other than "but other people will think i'm a bad parent!" ???
posted by emptythought at 5:23 PM on May 3, 2013 [7 favorites]
My situation as a kid was even worse because my mother had stick straight, fine hair. I had a ton of extremely curly hair. I went around looking like a hot mess because any time anyone touched my hair I would scream bloody murder. I'm white but grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood, and eventually our neighbors couldn't stand it anymore and conditioned and combed and braided my hair so they didn't have to look at my terrible head.
Currently my husband and I both use Curls products and I recommend them highly. They sell slightly different formulations of their products in Target stores, which is where I buy them. Curls has a kids line that I would definitely try out if I had kids.
posted by crankylex at 5:30 PM on May 3, 2013
Currently my husband and I both use Curls products and I recommend them highly. They sell slightly different formulations of their products in Target stores, which is where I buy them. Curls has a kids line that I would definitely try out if I had kids.
posted by crankylex at 5:30 PM on May 3, 2013
Your daughter needs hair gel or some sort of styling product. I really like Pantene's weightless body building gel for fine hair. Products made for curlies tend to weigh me down.
I have the same hair texture as Sallie Ford of Sallie Ford & the Sound Outside, so I can really only speak for hair like that.
I comb my hair only when it's wet, right before I put in a bunch of conditioner (I use Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture Conditioner). Then I let it sit on my hair for a while, then rinse, and put in gel. Then I take small clumps of hair and sort of twirl them around my finger to get the ringlets started - it makes them more consistent. I feel like it also helps my hair dry faster.
Also: BRAIDS AND PONYTAILS. Or braided low pigtails. To prevent little bits of frizz from showing up around the braids or around her face, work some gel through her damp hair before you put it up.
And yeah, let her pick her own hair length. I had a friend growing up who resented her parents for forcing her to have short hair.
posted by topoisomerase at 6:28 PM on May 3, 2013
I have the same hair texture as Sallie Ford of Sallie Ford & the Sound Outside, so I can really only speak for hair like that.
I comb my hair only when it's wet, right before I put in a bunch of conditioner (I use Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture Conditioner). Then I let it sit on my hair for a while, then rinse, and put in gel. Then I take small clumps of hair and sort of twirl them around my finger to get the ringlets started - it makes them more consistent. I feel like it also helps my hair dry faster.
Also: BRAIDS AND PONYTAILS. Or braided low pigtails. To prevent little bits of frizz from showing up around the braids or around her face, work some gel through her damp hair before you put it up.
And yeah, let her pick her own hair length. I had a friend growing up who resented her parents for forcing her to have short hair.
posted by topoisomerase at 6:28 PM on May 3, 2013
A lot of people are remembering resenting their mothers for forcing them to have short hair. I too really wanted long hair when I was growing up. I distinctly remember crying in the chair at my mother's salon after failing once again to convince her and the stylist to let me let my hair grow. But I was 9-10-11 then, not 2. When she's 9-10-11 and older, and combing her own hair, let her grow her hair to the length she wants and can maintain. She's a toddler. She doesn't care about her appearance. She wants to not feel pain.
posted by headnsouth at 6:32 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by headnsouth at 6:32 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Sovereignty over one's own body is not a clear-cut issue in a two year old. On the one hand, we (progressively) teach toddlers that they do not have to let anyone who isn't their parent touch them if they don't want to; on the other hand, we (typically) cram them into snow suits on the freezing cold days they REALLY REALLY WANNA wear their bathing suits to nursery school. So, it really isn't all that straight-forward.
My suggestion to you is as follows: learn to braid. Then your child can have the long hair you enjoy her having, and you can also minimise the discomfort she experiences maintaining it and the discord your family experiences looking after it. One French braid, two French braids, pigtails with braids, pony with braid, whatever. (French braiding is really easy to do; I did it for all my sisters, and can do it on myself.)
Do not let anyone tell you that Caucasian people with curly hair cannot have braids; see the above mentioned self and sisters. If you're struggling, braid it when damp for ease, but you certainly can do this.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:00 PM on May 3, 2013 [5 favorites]
My suggestion to you is as follows: learn to braid. Then your child can have the long hair you enjoy her having, and you can also minimise the discomfort she experiences maintaining it and the discord your family experiences looking after it. One French braid, two French braids, pigtails with braids, pony with braid, whatever. (French braiding is really easy to do; I did it for all my sisters, and can do it on myself.)
Do not let anyone tell you that Caucasian people with curly hair cannot have braids; see the above mentioned self and sisters. If you're struggling, braid it when damp for ease, but you certainly can do this.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:00 PM on May 3, 2013 [5 favorites]
My daughter has similar hair. She's older and has Opinions; she wants long hair, I want short hair, we compromise on about chin-length. I'm trying to learn how to braid it. (She also wants her hair to be straight, which is sad.)
> Do not let anyone tell you that Caucasian people with curly hair cannot have braids; see the above mentioned self and sisters
Yup. My daughter gets her hair cut by a woman who's African-American, which I think helps. A lot of people just don't understand curly hair.
I don't brush my own hair, but hers is so fine it needs brushing or else it gets matted. I like the Tangle Teezer brush, which I think I first read about on AskMe.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:53 PM on May 3, 2013
> Do not let anyone tell you that Caucasian people with curly hair cannot have braids; see the above mentioned self and sisters
Yup. My daughter gets her hair cut by a woman who's African-American, which I think helps. A lot of people just don't understand curly hair.
I don't brush my own hair, but hers is so fine it needs brushing or else it gets matted. I like the Tangle Teezer brush, which I think I first read about on AskMe.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:53 PM on May 3, 2013
When I've done care for littles with super-curly hair, I used a wide-tooth comb starting at the bottom and working my way up to detangle. I've since learned to also use a good 2-in-1 like Kiss My Face's during washing and the beyond awesome Sprout leave-in after for complete ease (Sprout Detangler looks lovely, too, and gets rave reviews). Then, I divide it at the natural part and braid it for the night into at least 2 plaits.
This is part of my daughter's night-time routine, too, and I've found in all cases that it's an appreciated part of the overall high-touch, low-stress calming that helps make bedtime more inviting.
I don't know precisely how much this would oppress her ringlet effect, but I do know natural curl patterns can be brought back out with a misting and scrunching followed by gentle finger-sculpting. Definitely try some of the curl-control preparations linked here, because a tiny bit of clean weight on the locks will help them stay together without knotting up. For us, I take off the elastics, break up the plaits, then use a wide-tooth comb to neaten it all up (again, from the bottom to the roots) and we're done.
Totally understand not wanting to lose the random crazy hair of a steadily growing baby, though, and as many steps as you can eliminate is good. Just using a good 2-in-1 then massaging in leave-in or moisturising detangler while combing it out after bath then running fingers through in the morning should get you most of the way there.
posted by batmonkey at 8:17 PM on May 3, 2013
This is part of my daughter's night-time routine, too, and I've found in all cases that it's an appreciated part of the overall high-touch, low-stress calming that helps make bedtime more inviting.
I don't know precisely how much this would oppress her ringlet effect, but I do know natural curl patterns can be brought back out with a misting and scrunching followed by gentle finger-sculpting. Definitely try some of the curl-control preparations linked here, because a tiny bit of clean weight on the locks will help them stay together without knotting up. For us, I take off the elastics, break up the plaits, then use a wide-tooth comb to neaten it all up (again, from the bottom to the roots) and we're done.
Totally understand not wanting to lose the random crazy hair of a steadily growing baby, though, and as many steps as you can eliminate is good. Just using a good 2-in-1 then massaging in leave-in or moisturising detangler while combing it out after bath then running fingers through in the morning should get you most of the way there.
posted by batmonkey at 8:17 PM on May 3, 2013
How I could possibly leave this out, I don't know: I confess that we have some low-stimulation/high-soothing-factor episodic programs bookmarked on my laptop, which I unrepentantly used during establishment of the combing out/braiding routine.
As a parent who really takes to heart the rules about screentime, especially for wee ones, this was a compromise on gentle distraction that I happily made because it improved life for us so, so, so much. It gets around several of the reasons why screen time is bad - we're in contact with each other, we can chit-chat about what she's seeing, I can avoid commercials and over-saturation, and it's only on while we're doing the routine - it starts when we start, it ends when we're done, no matter where in the program we might be.
Didn't need this with the littles I was merely a contracted caregiver for, because I was a distraction in and of myself and I was so rarely doing the entire regimen from start to finish. It is such a sanity saver for me and my own sprog, though.
posted by batmonkey at 8:32 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
As a parent who really takes to heart the rules about screentime, especially for wee ones, this was a compromise on gentle distraction that I happily made because it improved life for us so, so, so much. It gets around several of the reasons why screen time is bad - we're in contact with each other, we can chit-chat about what she's seeing, I can avoid commercials and over-saturation, and it's only on while we're doing the routine - it starts when we start, it ends when we're done, no matter where in the program we might be.
Didn't need this with the littles I was merely a contracted caregiver for, because I was a distraction in and of myself and I was so rarely doing the entire regimen from start to finish. It is such a sanity saver for me and my own sprog, though.
posted by batmonkey at 8:32 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
I have curly hair, and i spent most of my childhood with my hair in pigtails, ponytails, and the occasional braids, so that my parents could avoid corralling me hair all the time. (Eventually my parents got fed up with dealing with my hair, and had it cut short when i was in fourth grade. I looked terrible, it was out of style and dorky. Even as a pretty well adjusted adult, i consider that hair cut to be one of the more selfish things my mom did to me as a child. So don't do that.)
Your kids' hair will tangle less if you wash it less. Instead of shampooing, just wet it and condition it. (Wash it about once a week, using a sulfate free shampoo.)
posted by Kololo at 8:43 PM on May 3, 2013
Your kids' hair will tangle less if you wash it less. Instead of shampooing, just wet it and condition it. (Wash it about once a week, using a sulfate free shampoo.)
posted by Kololo at 8:43 PM on May 3, 2013
The no-poo approach has worked for me (I liked DevaCurl's One Condition a lot), but I'm using a shampoo right now called ABBA Pure Curl and my hair loves it. YMMV, of course. As conditioners go, Aveda's Be Curly was another winner, but it's pricey and I hate the pushy salespeople in their retail stores. And I adored Terax Crema conditioner, but I don't know if it's still in production. You can still buy it on Amazon for a ridiculous amount, if you're so inclined.
I go to a stylist that specializes in curly cuts, although I don't go in for trims as often as I should. The cut I've had for the past few years is based on ScarJo's look from a couple Oscar seasons ago. The shorter I keep it, the easier the tangles are to manage.
posted by mirepoix at 9:47 PM on May 3, 2013
I go to a stylist that specializes in curly cuts, although I don't go in for trims as often as I should. The cut I've had for the past few years is based on ScarJo's look from a couple Oscar seasons ago. The shorter I keep it, the easier the tangles are to manage.
posted by mirepoix at 9:47 PM on May 3, 2013
In terms of getting the tangles out, TANGLE TEEZER. I have incredibly fine, dry, slightly wavy hair that will matt into big disgusting dreadlocks. That's actually what happened when I was a kid. Tangle Teezer does what it says on the tin. It is a lifesaver.
posted by nerdfish at 12:49 AM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by nerdfish at 12:49 AM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
Ask her how she wants her hair - long, which will require effort, short, which will require much less. Even if it's long, trim it to about shoulder blade length. A layered cut tends to enhance the curls. I have similar hair, thick, bushy, and ringlet-y when I was a child. I use a silicon-based shine serum that helps a lot. It allows it to curl, but makes each hair slipperier, so it tangles less, and untangles more easily. I've used Citre shine a lot.
posted by theora55 at 8:10 AM on May 4, 2013
posted by theora55 at 8:10 AM on May 4, 2013
Andrhia: "I was this kid. Please, please do not cut her hair short without her buy-in. My mom forced me to have short hair until I was in my teens for just this reason -- I was tender-headed and she didn't want to have to deal with my pain in the ass super curly hair that looked messy five seconds after she combed it. "
Just to reiterate - please don't cut her hair unless SHE is into it. I had long, crazy tangly hair as a small child and my mom just chopped it all off one day because she was tired of dealing with it. I'm now 42 and have deliberately grown my hair to mid-back (and don't comb/brush it every day) with the full knowledge that this is me finally getting over that.
My hair is still crazy tangly. I use Moroccanoil products - shampoo, conditioner, and oil. That brand is probably too pricey for a kid, but there are other argan oil products out there. And I only shampoo every 5 days or so, only get the shampoo on my scalp (and let the run-down suds clean the rest) and condition like crazy. Wide tooth comb if necessary. And a dab of the oil worked through well helps with the tangles.
And as suggested, get really good at braids.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 8:12 AM on May 4, 2013
Just to reiterate - please don't cut her hair unless SHE is into it. I had long, crazy tangly hair as a small child and my mom just chopped it all off one day because she was tired of dealing with it. I'm now 42 and have deliberately grown my hair to mid-back (and don't comb/brush it every day) with the full knowledge that this is me finally getting over that.
My hair is still crazy tangly. I use Moroccanoil products - shampoo, conditioner, and oil. That brand is probably too pricey for a kid, but there are other argan oil products out there. And I only shampoo every 5 days or so, only get the shampoo on my scalp (and let the run-down suds clean the rest) and condition like crazy. Wide tooth comb if necessary. And a dab of the oil worked through well helps with the tangles.
And as suggested, get really good at braids.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 8:12 AM on May 4, 2013
This morning, I was at the hairdresser's, and she confirmed what everyone here has been saying: curly hair is almost always very dry and bristle. You should not wash it more than at most once a week, please. And use lots of conditioner when you do.
One summer I was living and working on a farm for four months, I only rinsed it in water, and put Nivea cream in it once a week. I've never had better hair. Unfortunately, this doesn't go with city-life (but depending on where you live...)
My younger daughter, who is now 14, asks me to braid her hair every night. She has learnt early on that long hair needs braiding, and she loves the 3 minute ritual.
In my experience, my 3-yo was not traumatized by having her hair cut. It grew out to become princess hair soon enough, and by then, she had learnt to deal with the combing (and braids).
You need to comb from the bottom of the hair first, and then gradually go up. If you start from the top, you make matters worse. I didn't mention this before, because your own hair is the same, and I figured you know. But so many people here are writing "no combs", I think it needs to be said. Combs are very good for curly hair, but the comb needs to be a good quality, and one needs to know it takes time - not 5 minutes, more like 30 minutes for a full head of hair. This is why braids are a thing.
posted by mumimor at 9:09 AM on May 4, 2013
One summer I was living and working on a farm for four months, I only rinsed it in water, and put Nivea cream in it once a week. I've never had better hair. Unfortunately, this doesn't go with city-life (but depending on where you live...)
My younger daughter, who is now 14, asks me to braid her hair every night. She has learnt early on that long hair needs braiding, and she loves the 3 minute ritual.
In my experience, my 3-yo was not traumatized by having her hair cut. It grew out to become princess hair soon enough, and by then, she had learnt to deal with the combing (and braids).
You need to comb from the bottom of the hair first, and then gradually go up. If you start from the top, you make matters worse. I didn't mention this before, because your own hair is the same, and I figured you know. But so many people here are writing "no combs", I think it needs to be said. Combs are very good for curly hair, but the comb needs to be a good quality, and one needs to know it takes time - not 5 minutes, more like 30 minutes for a full head of hair. This is why braids are a thing.
posted by mumimor at 9:09 AM on May 4, 2013
Response by poster: WOW. I did not expect this many responses, thanks everyone. So helpful.
She's two, and she doesn't care if her hair is long or short. She's not even sure what that means (I just asked her, she stared at me blankly and then started talking about her stuffed monkey). So it's really up to me at the moment. However, I will definitely be making effort to respect her hair preferences once she's old enough to have them.
For now I think I am going to try to hunt down some new products (a sulfate-free shampoo and good conditioner) and try washing her hair with water/conditioner more often (I do that on myself, but then, I don't rub peanut butter into my hair on a regular basis). I also really appreciate the tips on braiding at bedtime, or spritzing with water/conditioner in the morning, etcetera. I am totally going to try french-braiding hair as a part of bedtime routine. She does love playing with hair, sticking combs into mine (and tangling it in the process) while saying "wow mama, pretty!" so I think she could get into it if framed correctly... and if not, we'll go for the Shirly-Temple chop!
I'm going to mark a couple best answers but honestly they are all helpful. And if anyone sees this after-the-fact but has any more ideas or products to suggest, feel free to add 'em on.
posted by celtalitha at 11:34 AM on May 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
She's two, and she doesn't care if her hair is long or short. She's not even sure what that means (I just asked her, she stared at me blankly and then started talking about her stuffed monkey). So it's really up to me at the moment. However, I will definitely be making effort to respect her hair preferences once she's old enough to have them.
For now I think I am going to try to hunt down some new products (a sulfate-free shampoo and good conditioner) and try washing her hair with water/conditioner more often (I do that on myself, but then, I don't rub peanut butter into my hair on a regular basis). I also really appreciate the tips on braiding at bedtime, or spritzing with water/conditioner in the morning, etcetera. I am totally going to try french-braiding hair as a part of bedtime routine. She does love playing with hair, sticking combs into mine (and tangling it in the process) while saying "wow mama, pretty!" so I think she could get into it if framed correctly... and if not, we'll go for the Shirly-Temple chop!
I'm going to mark a couple best answers but honestly they are all helpful. And if anyone sees this after-the-fact but has any more ideas or products to suggest, feel free to add 'em on.
posted by celtalitha at 11:34 AM on May 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
A word of warning on short hair - it will look pretty and angelic on rare good hair days, but it will make the crazy hobo afro times way, way worse. I had short hair (before I was old enough to have an opinion) and for years of family photos, I looked like a feral child - there wasn't even an option to pull my crazy hair into a ponytail or braid. I would recommend braiding without brushing if it is dry - just roughly section her hair into 3 parts with your fingers and go for it.
I would also add that for cold days or times when you want to speed up the drying processes I've found stand hairdryers speed up the "air dried" look, so that may be useful if you can get her to sit still under it for any length of time. I've also had a lot of success with pixie curl diffusing but use medium/low heat so you don't burn your daughter's head.
posted by fermezporte at 1:58 PM on May 4, 2013
I would also add that for cold days or times when you want to speed up the drying processes I've found stand hairdryers speed up the "air dried" look, so that may be useful if you can get her to sit still under it for any length of time. I've also had a lot of success with pixie curl diffusing but use medium/low heat so you don't burn your daughter's head.
posted by fermezporte at 1:58 PM on May 4, 2013
So many great responses! But unless I've missed it, no one has mentioned the secret weapon of sleeping on curly hair: the pineapple ponytail. Turn head upside-down, make a ponytail directly on the top of head. Then when she lies down, her curls will be up and out of the way-- the underside might get frizzy/poofy, but when you put her hair down again no one will see it. I do this when my hair is long, and it helps keep my curls in good shape so I don't have to re-wet them every morning. But ultimately, part of having curly hair is timing when you wet it so that you don't sleep on it wet-- if you do that, it *will* be weird-looking the next day (which isn't too terrible, it just requires that you wear it in a braid or bun to hide the weird!).
posted by shaka_lulu at 9:09 PM on May 4, 2013
posted by shaka_lulu at 9:09 PM on May 4, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
Also, if I pull my hair back when it’s wet, I can sleep on it or whatever without it poofing out.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:16 PM on May 3, 2013