How can I keep my composure at work while mourning the death of a pet?
April 23, 2013 10:36 AM Subscribe
We will be putting our family dog to sleep this afternoon, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it/interacting with people when I'm so sad inside. What can I do to get through the work day?
I'm putting this in "human relations" because though it is a question about pets, it's more a question about interacting with humans.
This afternoon, we will be taking my family dog in to be put to sleep. She's very old and in a lot of pain, so we're doing what's best for her by ending her suffering while she's surrounded by her loving humans. We've had her for 17 years and I was 8 years old when we adopted her, so I really don't remember life before her and it's very hard for me to imagine a life without her in it. Needless to say, I'm heartbroken and devastated. She is a very special dog and has always been more of a family member than a pet. The thought of saying good-bye to her later today is really upsetting me.
I'm fairly new at my job and have missed a bit of work due to illness, so I have to be at work until it's time to take the dog in. I'm having a hard time concentrating and I've gone into the bathroom several times already to cry. I'm sure this sadness will continue for a few days, as she was very dear to me. I've lost a couple dogs before and, while it was very sad, I never felt this level of grief where I can hardly maintain my composure.
I've also lost a sibling before, so my question is not about how to deal with grief in general. However, I was in high school back then and it was during the summer, so I was free to cry whenever I wanted or sleep all day if I felt like it. More specifically, I'm looking for tips for staying composed and pretending to be happy at work. I'm lucky enough to have my own office, so I do have some privacy, but people come by to talk or there are meetings and I can't just act all depressed and mourny like I feel.
My question, then, is twofold:
1. How do you stop yourself from being sad to be able to interact with other people? I've tried watching/reading funny things to take my mind off it, but I'm still sad.
2. Since many people on this site are animal lovers...is this level of grief normal for losing a pet? As I said, I've lost other dogs before and handled it just fine, but this one was a very special member of our family and we've had her for most of my life. Having lost a sister, I sometimes feel silly that I'm so sad over a dog when I know the pain of losing a human.
I'm putting this in "human relations" because though it is a question about pets, it's more a question about interacting with humans.
This afternoon, we will be taking my family dog in to be put to sleep. She's very old and in a lot of pain, so we're doing what's best for her by ending her suffering while she's surrounded by her loving humans. We've had her for 17 years and I was 8 years old when we adopted her, so I really don't remember life before her and it's very hard for me to imagine a life without her in it. Needless to say, I'm heartbroken and devastated. She is a very special dog and has always been more of a family member than a pet. The thought of saying good-bye to her later today is really upsetting me.
I'm fairly new at my job and have missed a bit of work due to illness, so I have to be at work until it's time to take the dog in. I'm having a hard time concentrating and I've gone into the bathroom several times already to cry. I'm sure this sadness will continue for a few days, as she was very dear to me. I've lost a couple dogs before and, while it was very sad, I never felt this level of grief where I can hardly maintain my composure.
I've also lost a sibling before, so my question is not about how to deal with grief in general. However, I was in high school back then and it was during the summer, so I was free to cry whenever I wanted or sleep all day if I felt like it. More specifically, I'm looking for tips for staying composed and pretending to be happy at work. I'm lucky enough to have my own office, so I do have some privacy, but people come by to talk or there are meetings and I can't just act all depressed and mourny like I feel.
My question, then, is twofold:
1. How do you stop yourself from being sad to be able to interact with other people? I've tried watching/reading funny things to take my mind off it, but I'm still sad.
2. Since many people on this site are animal lovers...is this level of grief normal for losing a pet? As I said, I've lost other dogs before and handled it just fine, but this one was a very special member of our family and we've had her for most of my life. Having lost a sister, I sometimes feel silly that I'm so sad over a dog when I know the pain of losing a human.
As someone who's put two pets down on the last several years, both of which were adoptees when they were already older, I'll put my two cents in. Both times, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. So, yeah, this is pretty normal.
I hate to say it, but I think the only way to learn how to grieve is to grieve. It sucks. You learn to get through it. It's better to grieve than to repress it. Have a good cry if you need it. Eventually you will realize that you get through to the other side of the mourning process and it helps to know that, I think. But when things are spiraling downward, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
posted by Doohickie at 10:41 AM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
I hate to say it, but I think the only way to learn how to grieve is to grieve. It sucks. You learn to get through it. It's better to grieve than to repress it. Have a good cry if you need it. Eventually you will realize that you get through to the other side of the mourning process and it helps to know that, I think. But when things are spiraling downward, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
posted by Doohickie at 10:41 AM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
Have you got a trusted colleague you could tell? It might help you to know there's someone you can speak to if you are getting upset, and someone who can fend off any unnecessary visitors.
Also, completely normal. I had to go home from work early when our cat died.
posted by Dorothea_in_Rome at 10:45 AM on April 23, 2013
Also, completely normal. I had to go home from work early when our cat died.
posted by Dorothea_in_Rome at 10:45 AM on April 23, 2013
Do you feel that you can speak with your boss/supervisor and let them know what's going on in your life today? You don't have to hide all emotion at work, we are all who we are. You can let her/him know that you are here at work to do your work, and will take care of your tasks until it's time for you to leave for the day. You may just not be as approachable and carefree as you normally are. I think your co-workers will understand, if they are human at all.
posted by crepeMyrtle at 10:48 AM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by crepeMyrtle at 10:48 AM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
Most of us have pets in our lives and most of us would understand 100% why you're upset and weepy.
Don't be afraid to tell people. Is there someone close to you there that you could confide in? "I'm so sad, we're putting our dog to sleep this evening." Sometimes a hug from a co-worker is just the thing when you're going through this.
You may not be able to concentrate, just do your best.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 10:50 AM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]
Don't be afraid to tell people. Is there someone close to you there that you could confide in? "I'm so sad, we're putting our dog to sleep this evening." Sometimes a hug from a co-worker is just the thing when you're going through this.
You may not be able to concentrate, just do your best.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 10:50 AM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dog.
I think it will stress you so much more if you pretend to be happy at work -- you are massively grieving already. I actually find that grief can compound a little, like you are grieving this loss and stirring the other huge losess a bit too.
I'm sure your co-workers will be fine if you aren't fully available. Give yourself some space and permission to grieve. I agree to find someone to confide in and telling your supervisor. Take your lunch break to relax.
Best wishes getting through this time. I haven't dealt with exactly this situation, but had another very similar and it was very difficult to continue working.
posted by mamabear at 10:50 AM on April 23, 2013
I think it will stress you so much more if you pretend to be happy at work -- you are massively grieving already. I actually find that grief can compound a little, like you are grieving this loss and stirring the other huge losess a bit too.
I'm sure your co-workers will be fine if you aren't fully available. Give yourself some space and permission to grieve. I agree to find someone to confide in and telling your supervisor. Take your lunch break to relax.
Best wishes getting through this time. I haven't dealt with exactly this situation, but had another very similar and it was very difficult to continue working.
posted by mamabear at 10:50 AM on April 23, 2013
Since many people on this site are animal lovers...is this level of grief normal for losing a pet?
Oh, hell yes.
I can understand not wanting to break down in tears, but unless you work at the most tight-assed place in the world, you can probably say "Sorry, I'm feeling kind of sad today. I had to have Trixie put to sleep". I'm sure plenty of the people with whom you work are pet owners themselves. They'll get it.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 10:52 AM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]
Oh, hell yes.
I can understand not wanting to break down in tears, but unless you work at the most tight-assed place in the world, you can probably say "Sorry, I'm feeling kind of sad today. I had to have Trixie put to sleep". I'm sure plenty of the people with whom you work are pet owners themselves. They'll get it.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 10:52 AM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]
When I lost my best dog buddy Jake I was a weeping, sobbing mess. I regret that I didn't reschedule an introductory meeting with a new department head and made my first impression as a red-eyed teary mess. Allow yourself to grieve, reschedule some meetings and tasks that involve dealing with other people.
posted by ellenaim at 10:55 AM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by ellenaim at 10:55 AM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog's passing. Please know that you are doing the very best for her by having her put to sleep surrounded by the love of her "pack."
As far as your questions go: 1. I'm not sure you really can stop yourself from being sad, and the harder you try to do so the more difficult you're probably making it on yourself. Sort of like trying not to think of pink giraffes when someone tells you not to think of pink giraffes, you know? I think most people understand that it's painful to lose someone dear to you, person or pet, and will probably understand if you need to excuse yourself for a good cry or if you're a little shaky or sad in interactions. I would just be honest, and if you need to go home early (or if you can ask to work from home for a day or so), just go ahead and do that. Self-care is important.
2. Yes, your grief is totally normal. ESPECIALLY for a pet you've had for so long, and especially one who has been part of your family for 2/3 of your life so far. I had to have my first dog euthanized 3 years ago and I still miss her immensely - in some ways, losing her was more painful than my father's death. If that's weird so be it, I'm not going to make myself feel bad over imagined expectations of how I "should" feel. You don't need to feel silly for mourning your dog.
All my best to you and your dog. If you're up to it at some point and if it would help at all to share, I'd love to see pictures of her!
posted by DingoMutt at 10:56 AM on April 23, 2013
As far as your questions go: 1. I'm not sure you really can stop yourself from being sad, and the harder you try to do so the more difficult you're probably making it on yourself. Sort of like trying not to think of pink giraffes when someone tells you not to think of pink giraffes, you know? I think most people understand that it's painful to lose someone dear to you, person or pet, and will probably understand if you need to excuse yourself for a good cry or if you're a little shaky or sad in interactions. I would just be honest, and if you need to go home early (or if you can ask to work from home for a day or so), just go ahead and do that. Self-care is important.
2. Yes, your grief is totally normal. ESPECIALLY for a pet you've had for so long, and especially one who has been part of your family for 2/3 of your life so far. I had to have my first dog euthanized 3 years ago and I still miss her immensely - in some ways, losing her was more painful than my father's death. If that's weird so be it, I'm not going to make myself feel bad over imagined expectations of how I "should" feel. You don't need to feel silly for mourning your dog.
All my best to you and your dog. If you're up to it at some point and if it would help at all to share, I'd love to see pictures of her!
posted by DingoMutt at 10:56 AM on April 23, 2013
I cried more and harder over putting my cat to sleep a few weeks ago -- the cat I had my entire adult life, who had been with me through a lot of stuff -- than I did when I broke up with my serious, talking-about-weddings-and-kid's-names boyfriend. This level of grief over a pet is totally normal, especially one who has been this special to you.
People at work will understand that; echoing all the others above, you don't have to pretend to be happy. Telling a trusted co-worker or two what's going on (especially if they can be trusted to spread the word tactfully) or putting a Do Not Disturb sign on your door when you can might help.
I'm very sorry about your sweet pup. Even when you know it's coming, even when it's the right thing to do, it's still so hard. Don't make it harder on yourself by trying to act happy and cheerful; it's totally work-appropriate to be quiet and subdued, if that's how you feel.
posted by katemonster at 11:05 AM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
People at work will understand that; echoing all the others above, you don't have to pretend to be happy. Telling a trusted co-worker or two what's going on (especially if they can be trusted to spread the word tactfully) or putting a Do Not Disturb sign on your door when you can might help.
I'm very sorry about your sweet pup. Even when you know it's coming, even when it's the right thing to do, it's still so hard. Don't make it harder on yourself by trying to act happy and cheerful; it's totally work-appropriate to be quiet and subdued, if that's how you feel.
posted by katemonster at 11:05 AM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
So so sorry, and yes this is totally normal. We spend so much time with our pets and share so many life events with them; it would be strange if these losses weren't wrenching.
I lost a cat last year, and found that the best thing for me was to keep busy; if I was doing something, it did temporarily distract me. It was also helpful to have at least one person around who knew what was going on, so I had someone to turn to if I got overwhelmed, or someone who would cover for me if I had to go cry in the bathroom. It might be helpful to confide in one of your co-workers, so that person can be around if you need them and can explain to others if necessary.
posted by dizziest at 11:06 AM on April 23, 2013
I lost a cat last year, and found that the best thing for me was to keep busy; if I was doing something, it did temporarily distract me. It was also helpful to have at least one person around who knew what was going on, so I had someone to turn to if I got overwhelmed, or someone who would cover for me if I had to go cry in the bathroom. It might be helpful to confide in one of your co-workers, so that person can be around if you need them and can explain to others if necessary.
posted by dizziest at 11:06 AM on April 23, 2013
I am so, so sorry.
Seconding the suggestion to pick one work colleague and just tell them what's going on, to let yourself vent. When my cat was in his final days, I was in a similarly new job situation, and was a similar basket case, and I knew I had to do something about it so I picked one other secretary I trusted, asked if I could talk to her about something a minute "because I just have to talk to someone," and we went into the ladies room and I let fly. She hugged me, I cried, and I felt SO much better because now someone knew, and it helped a lot. She even checked in on me a couple times during the rest of that week to see how I was doing.
And oh my god yes grief is normal. Love is love, and loss of love frequently leads to grief. Doesn't matter what kind of love it is. (Hell, my cat's been gone for nearly 3 years now and I still got a little choked up last month talking about his death.)
Be gentle with yourself, and find someone to confide in for the rest of the day so you don't feel so alone at work. Good luck.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:08 AM on April 23, 2013
Seconding the suggestion to pick one work colleague and just tell them what's going on, to let yourself vent. When my cat was in his final days, I was in a similarly new job situation, and was a similar basket case, and I knew I had to do something about it so I picked one other secretary I trusted, asked if I could talk to her about something a minute "because I just have to talk to someone," and we went into the ladies room and I let fly. She hugged me, I cried, and I felt SO much better because now someone knew, and it helped a lot. She even checked in on me a couple times during the rest of that week to see how I was doing.
And oh my god yes grief is normal. Love is love, and loss of love frequently leads to grief. Doesn't matter what kind of love it is. (Hell, my cat's been gone for nearly 3 years now and I still got a little choked up last month talking about his death.)
Be gentle with yourself, and find someone to confide in for the rest of the day so you don't feel so alone at work. Good luck.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:08 AM on April 23, 2013
I am so, so sorry.
My dog has a cancer, and the week between finding the lump and getting a diagnose was agonizing. I cried in a locked conference room a lot, and I told a few select coworkers what was going on. That sort of helped.
And yes, your grief is normal.
posted by ablazingsaddle at 11:17 AM on April 23, 2013
My dog has a cancer, and the week between finding the lump and getting a diagnose was agonizing. I cried in a locked conference room a lot, and I told a few select coworkers what was going on. That sort of helped.
And yes, your grief is normal.
posted by ablazingsaddle at 11:17 AM on April 23, 2013
Your grief is 100% normal. If you feel the need to cry at work, take a quick dash to the rest room and let the tears flow. If your co-workers question your red puffy eyes, tell them the situation You'll find a lot of comforting commiseration, I bet. I remember when I had to take my cat Sparky to the vet for that Final Ride, I took the morning off of work to do so. That afternoon several vendors/customers I spoke to on the phone mentioned "You were out this morning, you're never gone, etc..." and I replied truthfully that we'd had to put my cat down. I was surprised but warmed by the response - even a couple of traditionally crusty older men started sniffling when I mentioned it, before telling me about their own pets.
My heart goes out to you....eventually the pain subsides and you'll smile again thinking of the fun times with your dog. {{{hugs}}}
posted by Oriole Adams at 11:20 AM on April 23, 2013
My heart goes out to you....eventually the pain subsides and you'll smile again thinking of the fun times with your dog. {{{hugs}}}
posted by Oriole Adams at 11:20 AM on April 23, 2013
Your grief is normal. If you are friendly, even just on small talk terms with your co workers letting them know in conversation that this has happened might make things a little easier at work. People will know why you keep running off and will most likely offer moral support as most people really do understand if you are down for a few days. As long as you are keeping up with your work I can't imagine anyone at would have anything bad to say so don't worry about that. I am sorry for your loss and know how very much it sucks.
posted by wwax at 11:32 AM on April 23, 2013
posted by wwax at 11:32 AM on April 23, 2013
Put it this way: I'm teary just thinking about you and your dog. Your grief is not only normal, it's a beautiful testimony to your love for her, and her love for you. Sending you many hugs as you feel the weight of this extremely difficult loss :-(
posted by barnone at 11:49 AM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by barnone at 11:49 AM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
chiming in to say totally, totally normal. When I was 15 years old, we had to put my 14 year old dog to sleep, and I *still* miss her, even though it's been 12 years.
I also had to go to work the day we put my (different, also very much loved) dog to sleep, and had to run to the bathroom to cry a few times. I just kept my head down and did my work, I tried to keep myself as busy as I could so I couldn't let my mind wander too much. If you're friendly with any of your coworkers, tell them. More likely than not, they will have had a similar experience with losing a pet, and will understand.
posted by inertia at 12:13 PM on April 23, 2013
I also had to go to work the day we put my (different, also very much loved) dog to sleep, and had to run to the bathroom to cry a few times. I just kept my head down and did my work, I tried to keep myself as busy as I could so I couldn't let my mind wander too much. If you're friendly with any of your coworkers, tell them. More likely than not, they will have had a similar experience with losing a pet, and will understand.
posted by inertia at 12:13 PM on April 23, 2013
All of the people I work with were very kind and understanding when I was completely out of control about my cat. It's the rare person who doesn't know that animals are a source of love and lightness and their loss is incredibly hard.
A friend did tell me (and he was right) that you can't drink water and cry at the same time. That saved me many times.
I know you didn't ask this, but I found this book very helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1411656539/ref=oh_details_o08_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
And this book is good for all kinds of grieving, death, divorce, any loss.
http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1366744836&sr=1-1&keywords=grief+recovery+handbook
posted by janey47 at 12:17 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
A friend did tell me (and he was right) that you can't drink water and cry at the same time. That saved me many times.
I know you didn't ask this, but I found this book very helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1411656539/ref=oh_details_o08_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
And this book is good for all kinds of grieving, death, divorce, any loss.
http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1366744836&sr=1-1&keywords=grief+recovery+handbook
posted by janey47 at 12:17 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Agreeing that this your feelings are normal right now. I am in tears just reading this. It is one of the hardest things to go through.
Do find someone to share with. Even if you have a friend outside of work that you can send text back and forth with. Or they can simply send you texts to remind you that you can get through this, distract you, or whatever you need them to say.
Also, go ahead and book many bathroom breaks for yourself. You can go in there and intentionally cry. It will help get it out of your system for a bit of time, then you can go back in and do it again. I find that I have a period of numbness after crying. Use that time to get work related things done.
I know you have taken time off already, but maybe you can get off work a bit early today?
I am so, so very sorry.
posted by Vaike at 12:29 PM on April 23, 2013
Do find someone to share with. Even if you have a friend outside of work that you can send text back and forth with. Or they can simply send you texts to remind you that you can get through this, distract you, or whatever you need them to say.
Also, go ahead and book many bathroom breaks for yourself. You can go in there and intentionally cry. It will help get it out of your system for a bit of time, then you can go back in and do it again. I find that I have a period of numbness after crying. Use that time to get work related things done.
I know you have taken time off already, but maybe you can get off work a bit early today?
I am so, so very sorry.
posted by Vaike at 12:29 PM on April 23, 2013
Best answer: We were up late with our dog as he was on his way out and I just ended up staying home from work the next day because it was too much. I understand that may not be an option, but you can gently tell people who are working immediately with you—most people understand that level of loss, and if they've ever lost a pet themselves or have a pet, no one will look at your sideways for even a second if you're having a rough go of it for a couple of days.
Something I've done for my last two dogs is take a few minutes to write down everything I could remember about them through the years: all their weird habits, fun games, and bizarre mannerisms that made them so special to me. (My lab Cisco would gently nibble the sock on my dad's foot until he got enough slack that he could pull it off. He'd then go around the house collecting other socks and bring a mound of sock to you to see if he could get you to chase him. Clever, strange dog.)
It's cathartic and it's really great to remember the good times, and more importantly, great to ensure you have them written down some place to look back on. My entire family was surprised at some of the things I remembered, and I still look on what I wrote about Cisco 7 years ago, because he was a great dog. I did this again for our other lab Hoover, almost a year ago now, and I'm glad I did because they were different, amazing parts of our lives.
It won't immediately help the soul-aching pain that comes with losing a pet, but it will make you smile and give you some relief that you won't forget those things about them.
So sorry for your loss. It's truly one of the worst things we do to ourselves, but also totally worth it.
posted by disillusioned at 1:19 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
Something I've done for my last two dogs is take a few minutes to write down everything I could remember about them through the years: all their weird habits, fun games, and bizarre mannerisms that made them so special to me. (My lab Cisco would gently nibble the sock on my dad's foot until he got enough slack that he could pull it off. He'd then go around the house collecting other socks and bring a mound of sock to you to see if he could get you to chase him. Clever, strange dog.)
It's cathartic and it's really great to remember the good times, and more importantly, great to ensure you have them written down some place to look back on. My entire family was surprised at some of the things I remembered, and I still look on what I wrote about Cisco 7 years ago, because he was a great dog. I did this again for our other lab Hoover, almost a year ago now, and I'm glad I did because they were different, amazing parts of our lives.
It won't immediately help the soul-aching pain that comes with losing a pet, but it will make you smile and give you some relief that you won't forget those things about them.
So sorry for your loss. It's truly one of the worst things we do to ourselves, but also totally worth it.
posted by disillusioned at 1:19 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
I am so, so sorry. I agree with everyone above who has said that pretending to be happy is just going to be an unwelcome source of stress on top of your grief. I know it's a little awkward given that you're at a new job, but most people who have ever lost a pet know that it's not easy. If you can't take any more time away, then let some select coworkers know what's going on - if only so that you don't need to explain multiple times if people keep asking what's wrong/if you're OK.
And yes, your grief is completely, absolutely normal. It is hard, but it does get better.
posted by usonian at 1:36 PM on April 23, 2013
And yes, your grief is completely, absolutely normal. It is hard, but it does get better.
posted by usonian at 1:36 PM on April 23, 2013
I'm sorry. I went through this with a beloved cat nearly 2.5 years ago, but I remember the loss and the anguish as if it were yesterday. (I'll always remember and miss him, but it does get easier.)
Keep a box of tissue at your desk. For the first couple months I found myself bursting into tears unexpectedly at least once a day, but they didn't last long. Often, you can pass it off as allergies. Go for walks in the fresh air--that will help, too.
And when you're ready, find another dog who needs a home and someone to love. I can't tell you how much better I started to feel when we brought the new guy home, although it did take me a couple of months to get to that point.
posted by tully_monster at 1:50 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
Keep a box of tissue at your desk. For the first couple months I found myself bursting into tears unexpectedly at least once a day, but they didn't last long. Often, you can pass it off as allergies. Go for walks in the fresh air--that will help, too.
And when you're ready, find another dog who needs a home and someone to love. I can't tell you how much better I started to feel when we brought the new guy home, although it did take me a couple of months to get to that point.
posted by tully_monster at 1:50 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm sorry I'm coming to this late, but if you haven't told anyone at work I would definitely encourage doing so. My family dog died a couple years ago and I found out in the morning before work and I couldn't even manage to go in until that afternoon. My supervisor was very sympathetic.
posted by radioamy at 2:50 PM on April 23, 2013
posted by radioamy at 2:50 PM on April 23, 2013
I'm sorry for your loss. My husband and I had to put our pet rabbit to sleep a year ago. We had only had her for five years and that still sucked.
I definitely would tell someone at your office. When I was grieving earlier this year, just having one person in the office who knew made it easier to deal. And people may surprise you with their empathy. My manager described the Boston marathon bombing as a great news story but when I told him we were putting a rabbit to sleep, he was genuinely sympathetic. Best wishes.
posted by kat518 at 3:38 PM on April 23, 2013
I definitely would tell someone at your office. When I was grieving earlier this year, just having one person in the office who knew made it easier to deal. And people may surprise you with their empathy. My manager described the Boston marathon bombing as a great news story but when I told him we were putting a rabbit to sleep, he was genuinely sympathetic. Best wishes.
posted by kat518 at 3:38 PM on April 23, 2013
Best answer: I'm so sorry for your loss. You are doing the loving and humane thing by ending your dog's pain, and you gave your pal a good life.
I think it is definitely normal and warranted to feel grief for your dog, who is really a family member.
I'm not sure what to say about trying to avoid it at work. If it were me, I would just try to avoid people if that was possible. Be gentle with yourself -- it's a tough thing to go through.
posted by loveyallaround at 5:02 PM on April 23, 2013
I think it is definitely normal and warranted to feel grief for your dog, who is really a family member.
I'm not sure what to say about trying to avoid it at work. If it were me, I would just try to avoid people if that was possible. Be gentle with yourself -- it's a tough thing to go through.
posted by loveyallaround at 5:02 PM on April 23, 2013
I've been through this a few times. It never gets any easier, but I have a few suggestions:
As many above have noted, talk to a coworker. Let them know what's happening, and let them buffer you a bit. If you have the opportunity in your particular workplace, see if there's something you can do that maybe gives you some privacy, or arrange your tasks so you won't have to do any difficult interacting with others. Letting your supervisor know about your emotional state is a decent thing to do. We've all had to deal with grief and an understanding employer can make it a lot easier to bear. For me, the first few days after the loss of a pet were the worst. After that, I could usually handle my feelings and begin to talk about the issue without coming apart. YMMV.
Things to keep handy: eyedrops-the "get the red out" kind. Facial wipes, or a clean washcloth-a cool compress will go a long way to reducing puffy eyes and a red nose. Keep yourself hydrated. It'll make you feel better.
Take comfort in knowing that you are doing the right thing for your beloved dog. Over the years, we've had to euthanize a lot of cats. It never gets easier, but I make sure I am there and holding them. It matters that the last touch they know is one from their person. I'll be thinking of you.
posted by LaBellaStella at 5:21 PM on April 23, 2013
As many above have noted, talk to a coworker. Let them know what's happening, and let them buffer you a bit. If you have the opportunity in your particular workplace, see if there's something you can do that maybe gives you some privacy, or arrange your tasks so you won't have to do any difficult interacting with others. Letting your supervisor know about your emotional state is a decent thing to do. We've all had to deal with grief and an understanding employer can make it a lot easier to bear. For me, the first few days after the loss of a pet were the worst. After that, I could usually handle my feelings and begin to talk about the issue without coming apart. YMMV.
Things to keep handy: eyedrops-the "get the red out" kind. Facial wipes, or a clean washcloth-a cool compress will go a long way to reducing puffy eyes and a red nose. Keep yourself hydrated. It'll make you feel better.
Take comfort in knowing that you are doing the right thing for your beloved dog. Over the years, we've had to euthanize a lot of cats. It never gets easier, but I make sure I am there and holding them. It matters that the last touch they know is one from their person. I'll be thinking of you.
posted by LaBellaStella at 5:21 PM on April 23, 2013
Best answer: I'm so sorry.
One thing that might work for you in the days to come: designate a five-minute period each hour where you are allowed to go to the bathroom to cry. Maybe at 20 past every hour, for example. Then, when you feel overwhelmed at any point during the rest of the hour, tell yourself to just hang on for x more minutes and then you can go and cry.
Maybe it needs to be every two hours, or maybe it needs to be ten minutes long. Whatever works best for your situation. But knowing that in a short while it *will* be ok to give in to tears will make it easier to hold back the tears when it isn't.
Also, your grief is totally appropriate. Don't worry about that side of things at all.
posted by Brody's chum at 10:12 PM on April 23, 2013
One thing that might work for you in the days to come: designate a five-minute period each hour where you are allowed to go to the bathroom to cry. Maybe at 20 past every hour, for example. Then, when you feel overwhelmed at any point during the rest of the hour, tell yourself to just hang on for x more minutes and then you can go and cry.
Maybe it needs to be every two hours, or maybe it needs to be ten minutes long. Whatever works best for your situation. But knowing that in a short while it *will* be ok to give in to tears will make it easier to hold back the tears when it isn't.
Also, your grief is totally appropriate. Don't worry about that side of things at all.
posted by Brody's chum at 10:12 PM on April 23, 2013
Response by poster: Thank you all so much for the kind words and great suggestions. Saying good-bye to my special doggy friend yesterday was the hardest thing I've ever done, but she had her family around her, petting her and loving her until the very end.
I had told my boss about this before I posted this question, so he was already aware of the situation. About two hours after I posted, I asked him if I could leave because I was so upset and wanted to go spend more time with her before she had to go. He was very understanding and let me leave. I guess I haven't dealt with something like this since I've had a "real" job (I'm only a few years out of college), so I didn't know how understanding people would be.
The suggestions to intentionally cry at scheduled times are genius. I, too, find myself feeling numb after having a good cry, so I will use that to my advantage when I have to be calm during a meeting or whatnot. Unfortunately, I'm too low on the totem pole to be able to reschedule meetings, but this will give me a good strategy to get through them.
I will also be texting my boyfriend throughout the day, whenever I'm feeling sad. He has been extremely supportive during this time and has held me while I cried for hours. That helps too.
The dog was our family dog, so she remained with my parents after I moved out of the house 8 years ago, but she was still a part of every celebration and something I got used to seeing any time I visited them. It will be very hard to be at their house and not see her sleeping on her doggy bed or staring at me with big puppy eyes while I'm eating. It will probably be quite some time before they are ready to adopt another dog, as tully_monster suggested. This is especially hard on my mom, who has worked from home for several years and gotten very accustomed to having the dog by her side all day. When they are ready, though, I'm sure they will find a new dog. We are all dog people (though I also have a cat...we're more just animal people) and think life is weirdly quiet without the pitter-patter of doggy feet. I'm fortunate to have a dog of my own that was a Christmas gift. She has been a great source of comfort during this whole thing. But now I have this sad feeling because even though she is a puppy, one day I will lose her too. It's so sad that dogs are so easy to love and yet live such short lives. The pain of losing them is worth the years of joy we get from them though. I cherish the 17 years I had with my special doggy and wouldn't trade them for the world.
Anyway, thank you all for listening and helping. Much, much appreciated!
posted by thisismyname at 6:38 AM on April 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
I had told my boss about this before I posted this question, so he was already aware of the situation. About two hours after I posted, I asked him if I could leave because I was so upset and wanted to go spend more time with her before she had to go. He was very understanding and let me leave. I guess I haven't dealt with something like this since I've had a "real" job (I'm only a few years out of college), so I didn't know how understanding people would be.
The suggestions to intentionally cry at scheduled times are genius. I, too, find myself feeling numb after having a good cry, so I will use that to my advantage when I have to be calm during a meeting or whatnot. Unfortunately, I'm too low on the totem pole to be able to reschedule meetings, but this will give me a good strategy to get through them.
I will also be texting my boyfriend throughout the day, whenever I'm feeling sad. He has been extremely supportive during this time and has held me while I cried for hours. That helps too.
The dog was our family dog, so she remained with my parents after I moved out of the house 8 years ago, but she was still a part of every celebration and something I got used to seeing any time I visited them. It will be very hard to be at their house and not see her sleeping on her doggy bed or staring at me with big puppy eyes while I'm eating. It will probably be quite some time before they are ready to adopt another dog, as tully_monster suggested. This is especially hard on my mom, who has worked from home for several years and gotten very accustomed to having the dog by her side all day. When they are ready, though, I'm sure they will find a new dog. We are all dog people (though I also have a cat...we're more just animal people) and think life is weirdly quiet without the pitter-patter of doggy feet. I'm fortunate to have a dog of my own that was a Christmas gift. She has been a great source of comfort during this whole thing. But now I have this sad feeling because even though she is a puppy, one day I will lose her too. It's so sad that dogs are so easy to love and yet live such short lives. The pain of losing them is worth the years of joy we get from them though. I cherish the 17 years I had with my special doggy and wouldn't trade them for the world.
Anyway, thank you all for listening and helping. Much, much appreciated!
posted by thisismyname at 6:38 AM on April 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: I put some pictures on a tumblr for anyone that would like to see. http://thisismyname96.tumblr.com/
I went to talk to my boss this morning and told him how hard this all is for me. He completely understood and we had a nice talk about all the dogs we've had in our lives. He said dogs are like people, in that we connect with some more than others, the way I connected with my sweet dog. He also told me about his current dog and how that's his favorite dog he's ever owned and it will be hard to lose him when the time comes. Having someone at work who understands why I'm bummed really helps. Thanks again!
posted by thisismyname at 7:41 AM on April 24, 2013 [5 favorites]
I went to talk to my boss this morning and told him how hard this all is for me. He completely understood and we had a nice talk about all the dogs we've had in our lives. He said dogs are like people, in that we connect with some more than others, the way I connected with my sweet dog. He also told me about his current dog and how that's his favorite dog he's ever owned and it will be hard to lose him when the time comes. Having someone at work who understands why I'm bummed really helps. Thanks again!
posted by thisismyname at 7:41 AM on April 24, 2013 [5 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
2. I have been devastated by each pet death I've endured. There is no right or wrong or too much or too little when it comes to grief. What you feel is what you feel and it's okay.
posted by cooker girl at 10:40 AM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]