My head! It's shrinking! Or should be! I'm not sure! Help me!
September 11, 2005 9:20 PM Subscribe
What's the best way to find a counsellor/therapist/shrink?
So, it has been decided, that between my long term, paranoid distaste for phones, and the increasingly bothersome after effects of having been robbed that I need to see somebody who can help me get my head back on straight.
The phone thing is a slowly increasing inability to pick up the phone and make simple phone calls. It's become a crutch for not doing things I don't want to do (ie, haven't been to the dentist in 6 years or so, because I'd have to find one and phone them and make an appointment), but it also gets n the way of things I do want to do (Can't see a concert at Hugh's Room, because they don't do web ticket sales, and I can't phone them and make a reservation, can't get my hair colour fixed because I'd have to phone the salon to make an appointment.) I can make some phone calls, but not others.
The robbery thing is that when it happened, things seem okay. But as I increasingly forget what the robber looked like, more and more people that I see on the street look like him. It doesn't make me scared, exactly, but it prompts all these feelings of guilt because as a nice liberal, I'm not supposed to be going around examining half the black men I see trying to decide if they robbed me.
How do I find someone in Toronto who can help me with those types of issues? I took enough psych in college to know there are a lot of different kinds of therapists, but not enough to know how to figure out which one I want to see. Not one who will push drugs is a certainty, but other than that, who deals with these sorts of things? A behaviourist might be best for the phone thing, since that seems almost like a phobia, but what about the robbery thing?
Complicating all of this is the fact that mental illness runs hard and fast in my family. I do not want a diagnosis I have to carry around like a brick for the rest of my life. I will not take drugs to solve these problems, because the effects they have on my life are not as bad as the side effects of most psychoactive drugs.
I work at a company with an EAP, but am not sure if it's a good idea to get my employer involved. I have a GP, but while she's fine for prescribing drugs for my yearly bout of bronchitis, she's not much of a listener, so I'm not sure I'd get much of a useful recommendation out of her. I imagine there are web based service I could search for listings in my area, but I wouldn't know how to pick one from a list.
So, Mefi, what's the best course? Any of you have specific recommendations for me? Whether for actual therapists, or resources to turn to? Is EAP a good idea? Email is jacquilynne at canada dot com if you'd rather reply off site.
So, it has been decided, that between my long term, paranoid distaste for phones, and the increasingly bothersome after effects of having been robbed that I need to see somebody who can help me get my head back on straight.
The phone thing is a slowly increasing inability to pick up the phone and make simple phone calls. It's become a crutch for not doing things I don't want to do (ie, haven't been to the dentist in 6 years or so, because I'd have to find one and phone them and make an appointment), but it also gets n the way of things I do want to do (Can't see a concert at Hugh's Room, because they don't do web ticket sales, and I can't phone them and make a reservation, can't get my hair colour fixed because I'd have to phone the salon to make an appointment.) I can make some phone calls, but not others.
The robbery thing is that when it happened, things seem okay. But as I increasingly forget what the robber looked like, more and more people that I see on the street look like him. It doesn't make me scared, exactly, but it prompts all these feelings of guilt because as a nice liberal, I'm not supposed to be going around examining half the black men I see trying to decide if they robbed me.
How do I find someone in Toronto who can help me with those types of issues? I took enough psych in college to know there are a lot of different kinds of therapists, but not enough to know how to figure out which one I want to see. Not one who will push drugs is a certainty, but other than that, who deals with these sorts of things? A behaviourist might be best for the phone thing, since that seems almost like a phobia, but what about the robbery thing?
Complicating all of this is the fact that mental illness runs hard and fast in my family. I do not want a diagnosis I have to carry around like a brick for the rest of my life. I will not take drugs to solve these problems, because the effects they have on my life are not as bad as the side effects of most psychoactive drugs.
I work at a company with an EAP, but am not sure if it's a good idea to get my employer involved. I have a GP, but while she's fine for prescribing drugs for my yearly bout of bronchitis, she's not much of a listener, so I'm not sure I'd get much of a useful recommendation out of her. I imagine there are web based service I could search for listings in my area, but I wouldn't know how to pick one from a list.
So, Mefi, what's the best course? Any of you have specific recommendations for me? Whether for actual therapists, or resources to turn to? Is EAP a good idea? Email is jacquilynne at canada dot com if you'd rather reply off site.
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- jessamyn
Of course you can always ask your doctor or talk to someone at a university that has a doctoral program in psychology\psychiatry.
Yep. I've been chatting with a very nice lady at the u of t counselling and learning skills centre for a bit, now. I think they only take students, but could probably recommend someone.
posted by slipperywhenwet at 10:20 PM on September 11, 2005
Yep. I've been chatting with a very nice lady at the u of t counselling and learning skills centre for a bit, now. I think they only take students, but could probably recommend someone.
posted by slipperywhenwet at 10:20 PM on September 11, 2005
Sorry to take this off on a tangent, but what do you mean about having to carry a diagnosis around like a brick?
posted by acoutu at 11:00 PM on September 11, 2005
posted by acoutu at 11:00 PM on September 11, 2005
Yes, it can seem like finding a needle in a haystack when you look at a list of therapists online. One method I've used with reasonable success is to search online, make a list of whoever seems appealing for whatever reason - field, sex, location, experience etc - and then email them all with concise details of your situation. You can then gauge from their responses if they're someone you'd like to work with - I always go for the people who send me their number and offer to chat: if you're planning on having a relationship with somebody, albeit a professional one, it needs to be with someone you feel comfortable communicating with.
Also, I wouldn't necessarily discount your GP - she'll have a bunch of patients in therapy and has no doubt received enough feedback from them to make an educated recommendation.
posted by forallmankind at 12:32 AM on September 12, 2005
Also, I wouldn't necessarily discount your GP - she'll have a bunch of patients in therapy and has no doubt received enough feedback from them to make an educated recommendation.
posted by forallmankind at 12:32 AM on September 12, 2005
I found a wonderful therapist in San Francisco using forallmankind's method -- all over email, no phones required. I sent out about five or six emails out (just a general "Here's what's happened to me, here's what I'm looking for, would you be interested in working with me?"), got back three or four responses, and went with the woman who (1) emailed me first and (2) appealed to me most on just a general gut level.
She also happened to be the one whose original profile on the Psychology Today website had appealed to me most at first glance, so I figured that was a good sign.
I don't know the web-based searches for Toronto, but googling "find a therapist Toronto" turns up a bunch, so they do exist.
Good luck, and we're rooting for you.
posted by occhiblu at 6:24 AM on September 12, 2005
She also happened to be the one whose original profile on the Psychology Today website had appealed to me most at first glance, so I figured that was a good sign.
I don't know the web-based searches for Toronto, but googling "find a therapist Toronto" turns up a bunch, so they do exist.
Good luck, and we're rooting for you.
posted by occhiblu at 6:24 AM on September 12, 2005
Response by poster: Sorry to take this off on a tangent, but what do you mean about having to carry a diagnosis around like a brick?
People with a diagnosis of some mental illnesses are treated differently forever more. Words like depressive, obsessive, schizophrenic, etc, on your medical records will forever change the way you get treated by medical professionals.
On a personal level, the effects of being diagnosed can be very upsetting, as well. I see most people either using the diagnosis as an excuse for fucking up their lives ("It's not my fault, I'm depressed!") or spend the rest of their lives trying to prove they're not what they've been labelled. ("See me! I'm brilliantly happy! I'm not depressed!")
posted by jacquilynne at 8:26 AM on September 12, 2005
People with a diagnosis of some mental illnesses are treated differently forever more. Words like depressive, obsessive, schizophrenic, etc, on your medical records will forever change the way you get treated by medical professionals.
On a personal level, the effects of being diagnosed can be very upsetting, as well. I see most people either using the diagnosis as an excuse for fucking up their lives ("It's not my fault, I'm depressed!") or spend the rest of their lives trying to prove they're not what they've been labelled. ("See me! I'm brilliantly happy! I'm not depressed!")
posted by jacquilynne at 8:26 AM on September 12, 2005
Response by poster: I always go for the people who send me their number and offer to chat
Heh. I think that if I sent someone an email saying 'Hey, I'm afraid to phone people, can you help me with that?' and they sent one back saying, 'Sure, phone me, and we'll talk,' I'd probably not take it as a very good sign.
But I understand that your point was about their willingness to communicate with you and invest a little upfront time.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:28 AM on September 12, 2005
Heh. I think that if I sent someone an email saying 'Hey, I'm afraid to phone people, can you help me with that?' and they sent one back saying, 'Sure, phone me, and we'll talk,' I'd probably not take it as a very good sign.
But I understand that your point was about their willingness to communicate with you and invest a little upfront time.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:28 AM on September 12, 2005
There certainly can be a stigma associated with getting mental health services, but at least in urban areas, so many people have seen therapists, that I wonder if perhaps your fear of the stigma may be more pronounced than the stigma itself. In any event, concern about stigma (and lack of mental health insurance coverage) is why some people choose to pay out of pocket for mental health services. It costs more out of your pocket, but at least the fact that you have been visiting a therapist doesn't ever appear in insurance company databases. Here in the US, at least, mental health records are treated with a higher degree of confidentiality than medical records, so supposedly, only people who need to know find out, but I always tell people that once I release their name to an insurance company, I have no way of controlling what happens to that information.
In my opinion, the best way to begin searching for a therapist is to get some referrals from friends or colleagues. You'd probably be amazed at the number of people who get therapy, if you feel ok about asking people if they know of, or can recommend anyone. If you feel uncomfortable asking around, you can start with a list from your local psychological association. Here's the Canadian Psychological Association "how to find a psychologist" webpage. And here's a referral list from the Ontario psychological association. I note that these are mostly phone number lists, which seems like it could be an obstacle. Maybe you could do a search for emails from names? Or do you think you'd feel comfortable calling the person after hours when there's no likelihood that they'd answer the phone and explaining that you are not reachable by phone, but that you'd like to consult with them about getting an appointment through email?
If you have some exposure to different schools of therapy, and you have an attraction to one or another type, you can also look for associations for that therapy type (e.g., narrative therapy, expressive arts therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, psychoanalysis, etc.) Often these associations will have referral lists of registered practitioners. Finally, you could try going to a bookstore and browse in the self-help section til you find a book that you think makes sense. Look up the author online and give him or her an email explaining that you found their book interesting and that you wonder if they have any colleagues they can recommend in your area.
The next step is all about "fit." Provided you can find someone and get the appointment made, go into the first meeting with the idea that you are an employer, and you're looking to interview someone to possibly hire them as a consultant. Write down interview questions that are important to you, and ask them (e.g., medication, confidentiality, etc.). Judge the person based on the content of their answers as well as their style and interpersonal feel. Ask about their experiences working with people who have had similar problems. Then, ask yourself - do you feel comfortable with this person? Does she/he intrigue you? Do you think you could trust him or her? If not, cross their name off the list and move on. If so, give it a try for a month or six weeks or so.
If you're not feeling some kind of sense that you're moving in the right direction, bring up your concern with the therapist - after all, you're the boss - you're paying this person's salary, and you have if the work you contracted him/her to do is not proceeding according to your expectations, you have every right to bring it up and come to some kind of resolution about your concerns.
Good luck jacquilynne!
posted by jasper411 at 9:10 AM on September 12, 2005
In my opinion, the best way to begin searching for a therapist is to get some referrals from friends or colleagues. You'd probably be amazed at the number of people who get therapy, if you feel ok about asking people if they know of, or can recommend anyone. If you feel uncomfortable asking around, you can start with a list from your local psychological association. Here's the Canadian Psychological Association "how to find a psychologist" webpage. And here's a referral list from the Ontario psychological association. I note that these are mostly phone number lists, which seems like it could be an obstacle. Maybe you could do a search for emails from names? Or do you think you'd feel comfortable calling the person after hours when there's no likelihood that they'd answer the phone and explaining that you are not reachable by phone, but that you'd like to consult with them about getting an appointment through email?
If you have some exposure to different schools of therapy, and you have an attraction to one or another type, you can also look for associations for that therapy type (e.g., narrative therapy, expressive arts therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, psychoanalysis, etc.) Often these associations will have referral lists of registered practitioners. Finally, you could try going to a bookstore and browse in the self-help section til you find a book that you think makes sense. Look up the author online and give him or her an email explaining that you found their book interesting and that you wonder if they have any colleagues they can recommend in your area.
The next step is all about "fit." Provided you can find someone and get the appointment made, go into the first meeting with the idea that you are an employer, and you're looking to interview someone to possibly hire them as a consultant. Write down interview questions that are important to you, and ask them (e.g., medication, confidentiality, etc.). Judge the person based on the content of their answers as well as their style and interpersonal feel. Ask about their experiences working with people who have had similar problems. Then, ask yourself - do you feel comfortable with this person? Does she/he intrigue you? Do you think you could trust him or her? If not, cross their name off the list and move on. If so, give it a try for a month or six weeks or so.
If you're not feeling some kind of sense that you're moving in the right direction, bring up your concern with the therapist - after all, you're the boss - you're paying this person's salary, and you have if the work you contracted him/her to do is not proceeding according to your expectations, you have every right to bring it up and come to some kind of resolution about your concerns.
Good luck jacquilynne!
posted by jasper411 at 9:10 AM on September 12, 2005
Sorry: forgot the bit about the phone phobia :-)
posted by forallmankind at 10:47 AM on September 12, 2005
posted by forallmankind at 10:47 AM on September 12, 2005
The best one I found was via AskMe. Searched the archives, found a strong reccommendation from someone in my city, emailed them and they got back to me immediately. Finding a good one is hard, but it seems like you are forthright with what you want and don't want, which is good.
People with a diagnosis of some mental illnesses are treated differently forever more.
As a "liberal" it is odd to hear such an obvious stereotype. You express such certainty, such a narrow view of what a diagnosis does, that only seems to come from experience. Your rejection of the notion of diagnoses appears connected to your experiences with and fears of the family history. In reality I think many more people don't want to be judged and limited, so hide it. Diagnoses are not the problem, it's the person, and I don't see how in any way you would become this idea that you hate so much. Also, being diagnosed is tricky, most docs have different opinions, so I would say that really only a minority of people in therapy actually get diagnosed. I even went through rounds of psych testing without a diagnosis coming out of the other end. So don't worry about it.
On the other hand, it does sound like ptsd.
posted by scazza at 3:34 PM on September 12, 2005
People with a diagnosis of some mental illnesses are treated differently forever more.
As a "liberal" it is odd to hear such an obvious stereotype. You express such certainty, such a narrow view of what a diagnosis does, that only seems to come from experience. Your rejection of the notion of diagnoses appears connected to your experiences with and fears of the family history. In reality I think many more people don't want to be judged and limited, so hide it. Diagnoses are not the problem, it's the person, and I don't see how in any way you would become this idea that you hate so much. Also, being diagnosed is tricky, most docs have different opinions, so I would say that really only a minority of people in therapy actually get diagnosed. I even went through rounds of psych testing without a diagnosis coming out of the other end. So don't worry about it.
On the other hand, it does sound like ptsd.
posted by scazza at 3:34 PM on September 12, 2005
You mentioned not wanting to go through your company's EAP. In my experience -- though limited -- EAP or other behavioral-health services are absolutely confidential, and your employer doesn't even know which employees are using their services, just basic things like how many employees are using it and how much it costs.
posted by Vidiot at 9:08 PM on September 12, 2005
posted by Vidiot at 9:08 PM on September 12, 2005
Jacquilynne,
Thanks for explaining. You might be able to ask the doctor not to make a diagnosis. Doctors (including specialists) often do this so that people can avoid the problems you've identified -- and so they can also qualify for medical insurance. A GP doesn't need to make a diagnosis to refer you. And you can talk to the psychiatrist about the problems of diagnosis once you meet them.
Even though your GP might be a terrible listener, they might still be able to refer you to a good psychologist or psychiatrist. And you can probably have their receptionist handle the calls and scheduling.
However, if those scenarios will not work for you, perhaps you can email the Women's Resource Centre at U of T or York or another local university. Places like that often have free outpatient counselling or can hook you up with an appropriate registered psychologist.
posted by acoutu at 10:01 PM on September 12, 2005
Thanks for explaining. You might be able to ask the doctor not to make a diagnosis. Doctors (including specialists) often do this so that people can avoid the problems you've identified -- and so they can also qualify for medical insurance. A GP doesn't need to make a diagnosis to refer you. And you can talk to the psychiatrist about the problems of diagnosis once you meet them.
Even though your GP might be a terrible listener, they might still be able to refer you to a good psychologist or psychiatrist. And you can probably have their receptionist handle the calls and scheduling.
However, if those scenarios will not work for you, perhaps you can email the Women's Resource Centre at U of T or York or another local university. Places like that often have free outpatient counselling or can hook you up with an appropriate registered psychologist.
posted by acoutu at 10:01 PM on September 12, 2005
This post has long gone from the front page of ask, but I'll post my response anyway.
The Centre for Training in Psychotherapy in Toronto has a referral service 'contact the CTP to arrange a meeting with a faculty member in order to find a suitable match between the client and a therapist' and you can contact them by email, so that might work for you Jacquilynne.
I haven't dealt with the CTP personally, but someone I trust has a therapist that is part of the CTP and recommends them.
posted by pasd at 8:36 AM on September 19, 2005
The Centre for Training in Psychotherapy in Toronto has a referral service 'contact the CTP to arrange a meeting with a faculty member in order to find a suitable match between the client and a therapist' and you can contact them by email, so that might work for you Jacquilynne.
I haven't dealt with the CTP personally, but someone I trust has a therapist that is part of the CTP and recommends them.
posted by pasd at 8:36 AM on September 19, 2005
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by johnj at 9:57 PM on September 11, 2005