My Boyfriend Is The Jealous Type
April 11, 2013 10:35 AM Subscribe
Recently divorced - started seeing a guy who is everything great (hot, motivated, financially secured, really into me) but he didn't want a fling, he wanted a committed relationship. After seeing him exclusively for a few weeks some red flags have come up and an HUGE one his is jealousy issues.
posted by anonymous to human relations (138 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
He's the story book boyfriend and when we met it was instant chemistry. I could just look at him all day and most aspects of our relationship are wonderful - or they were at first.
He wanted a committed relationship and tho' I wasn't really down for that I knew if I said no I would miss out on the oppertunity to have a chance with him. So I did. He became really intense quickly, which at first was nice but now it's freaking me out. I just got rid of a husband, I don't want another!!
The worst thing is his jealousy - which turns into really hurtful comments. This weekend I was at a tournament in another city and he called to ask if he could come to the celebratory pub crawl. I was hesitant because I tried to make it clear that it was a girls weekend - but when I knew he was hurt I said "ok". He took my hesitency to a whole new level - freaked out on me on the phone saying "you'd rather spend time with your f**cking friends". When I regained my composure I calmly explained that it was OK if I wanted a girls weekend which was no reason for him to get upset and he reluctantly agreed.
He always questions why I spend time with my best friends (makes comments like: what are you a lesbian?"). I told him it hurt when he said that and his rebutle was "Well it wouldn't bother you if there was some truth to it".
Before we even met he had access to my work emails and I made the mistake of sending personal emails from that account. He managed the server and used them agaisnt me in the beginning, suggesting I was a sexual freak of somesort. I'm not - and made no apologies for what was sent before I even knew him personally. BUT - i know if he wanted too he could check my email and had made comments before we were facebook friends that implied he had see my wall on facebook (which is private). So now I'm left incredibly paranoid even though I am not doing anything wrong. I even cut all ties to men I was potentially interested in.
Anyways - apart from his intensity he's really amazing. I can't help but light up when he's near by - but when he acts like this I just think he's fucking crazy. We've only been dating a few weeks and this has gone far beyond what I was hoping for in a new relationship - but I know if I end it or say something to that effect he'll just leave and I might miss my chance.
He has been burned in the past by a fiance and there is a BIG age gap (He's early 40's and I'm late 20's). I also have a child from my marriage - but I still see him about 3-4 times a week for overnight visits.
He's really no like anyone I have ever met before. I'm worried that I'm trying to compensate for my failed marriage (exes famous last words: you'll never be happy with anyone and you'll never find anyone...etc.)
Also, did I mention how freakin' hot he is?