YANMT, but where to start with postpartum gender identity issues?
April 9, 2013 6:43 PM Subscribe
I'm about 6 weeks postpartum with my first child, and feeling some very strange things that definitely aren't normal but also don't seem like PPD. Basically I want to know if this is in the "it's normal, you're hormonal" camp or "you need professional help now" camp. Snowflake details inside.
So, this is the first baby, had a very easy pregnancy and delivery. Baby was full term and healthy, I am healthy, no interventions. The only issue has been that my boobs don't have enough glandular tissue to make a full supply of milk. This is okay; I was admittedly not a huge fan of nursing anyway. I pump what I can for the baby on the principle that some is better than none, and the rest is formula.
I'll admit that getting to this zen point took about 4 weeks of really trying to make it work, investigating, talking to consultants and doctors and trying a vast array of devices and herbs. Then, just as I was starting to feel like we'd found a balance that worked for our family, I started to have some... really weird feelings. It started out as a sense of estrangement from my breasts, like they were just big falsies or something. Or rather, like they were different breasts than the ones I had before the baby. It even makes me slightly uncomfortable when my husband touches them.
Then, it sort of evolved into a sense of... un-femaleness. Increasingly I feel as though I'm not actually a woman. A few times I've looked at myself in the mirror and experienced genuine surprise at the sight of my body. Sometimes it gets so bad that I go put on my girliest outfits & do my makeup, like a costume of femininity I can wear. It makes me feel a bit better, especially when my husband is around, but it's not a feeling of "realness"... more like confidence that I'm putting up a convincing facade. Like if I'm not careful he'll figure out I'm not really a woman.
After introspecting about it a bit, I realized that I just suddenly don't feel right about thinking of myself (my inner self) as a woman. Thinking of myself as male, or at least as nonfemale, somehow feels more comfortable, more natural and "me." What's strange is that this is literally the first time I've felt any sort of gender confusion. It seems like it can't be a coincidence that this comes on right after a baby, but it doesn't fit the symptoms of PPD that I'm aware of.
Does this sound like something normal that will pass (maybe as I work through unresolved issues related to lactation failure) or like something more serious I should seek professional help with? What gives me pause is just how suddenly it happened and how much it seems to have messed with my sense of self. Looking in the mirror and feeling like I'm seeing a stranger (or myself in some really convincing drag) seems like something that might verge into pathological.*
---
*Not that identifying as not-your-biological-gender is pathological. I'm willing to consider option C, that I really do identify as nonfemale and have simply managed to avoid confronting it my whole life.
So, this is the first baby, had a very easy pregnancy and delivery. Baby was full term and healthy, I am healthy, no interventions. The only issue has been that my boobs don't have enough glandular tissue to make a full supply of milk. This is okay; I was admittedly not a huge fan of nursing anyway. I pump what I can for the baby on the principle that some is better than none, and the rest is formula.
I'll admit that getting to this zen point took about 4 weeks of really trying to make it work, investigating, talking to consultants and doctors and trying a vast array of devices and herbs. Then, just as I was starting to feel like we'd found a balance that worked for our family, I started to have some... really weird feelings. It started out as a sense of estrangement from my breasts, like they were just big falsies or something. Or rather, like they were different breasts than the ones I had before the baby. It even makes me slightly uncomfortable when my husband touches them.
Then, it sort of evolved into a sense of... un-femaleness. Increasingly I feel as though I'm not actually a woman. A few times I've looked at myself in the mirror and experienced genuine surprise at the sight of my body. Sometimes it gets so bad that I go put on my girliest outfits & do my makeup, like a costume of femininity I can wear. It makes me feel a bit better, especially when my husband is around, but it's not a feeling of "realness"... more like confidence that I'm putting up a convincing facade. Like if I'm not careful he'll figure out I'm not really a woman.
After introspecting about it a bit, I realized that I just suddenly don't feel right about thinking of myself (my inner self) as a woman. Thinking of myself as male, or at least as nonfemale, somehow feels more comfortable, more natural and "me." What's strange is that this is literally the first time I've felt any sort of gender confusion. It seems like it can't be a coincidence that this comes on right after a baby, but it doesn't fit the symptoms of PPD that I'm aware of.
Does this sound like something normal that will pass (maybe as I work through unresolved issues related to lactation failure) or like something more serious I should seek professional help with? What gives me pause is just how suddenly it happened and how much it seems to have messed with my sense of self. Looking in the mirror and feeling like I'm seeing a stranger (or myself in some really convincing drag) seems like something that might verge into pathological.*
---
*Not that identifying as not-your-biological-gender is pathological. I'm willing to consider option C, that I really do identify as nonfemale and have simply managed to avoid confronting it my whole life.
If you can access counseling services, do. Not because you are in any kind of danger, but because it sounds like this is the sort of thing that it would help to talk through with somebody.
IANAD, just a formerly 6-weeks-postpartum lady, and the hormonal changes you experience after birth are huge and the physical changes your body goes through are huge and that can create a lot of mind-body weirdness.
Even if you decide not to do counseling, I'd just sit with these feelings for a while. Get out of the immediate postpartum period before *doing* anything about them (meaning, no need for big pronouncements about gender identity, no need for drugs). They may go away as your hormones stabilize. They may not, and then you can figure out what is next for you.
posted by jeoc at 6:55 PM on April 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
IANAD, just a formerly 6-weeks-postpartum lady, and the hormonal changes you experience after birth are huge and the physical changes your body goes through are huge and that can create a lot of mind-body weirdness.
Even if you decide not to do counseling, I'd just sit with these feelings for a while. Get out of the immediate postpartum period before *doing* anything about them (meaning, no need for big pronouncements about gender identity, no need for drugs). They may go away as your hormones stabilize. They may not, and then you can figure out what is next for you.
posted by jeoc at 6:55 PM on April 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
IANAD, just a formerly 6-weeks-postpartum lady, and the hormonal changes you experience after birth are huge and the physical changes your body goes through are huge and that can create a lot of mind-body weirdness.
Reposting for truth. The early post-partum period is just whackadoodle, for the lack of a better term. The sleep deprivation is really starting to settle in, you are beginning to feel as if you are only a milk/feed bag and you will never have your body back. At least, that's how I felt at 6 weeks after my first. I vividly remember going through my house and not recognizing anything - I felt as I was in the alternate episode of Star Trek and the goateed Spock was going to show up at any minute.
If you aren't terribly concerned/upset by this development, I would give it some time and see if it goes away. Otherwise, I would certainly talk with someone, preferably in the post-partum arena.
Best of luck.
posted by Leezie at 7:04 PM on April 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
Reposting for truth. The early post-partum period is just whackadoodle, for the lack of a better term. The sleep deprivation is really starting to settle in, you are beginning to feel as if you are only a milk/feed bag and you will never have your body back. At least, that's how I felt at 6 weeks after my first. I vividly remember going through my house and not recognizing anything - I felt as I was in the alternate episode of Star Trek and the goateed Spock was going to show up at any minute.
If you aren't terribly concerned/upset by this development, I would give it some time and see if it goes away. Otherwise, I would certainly talk with someone, preferably in the post-partum arena.
Best of luck.
posted by Leezie at 7:04 PM on April 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
Exhaustion and hormones could explain your symptoms.
Hormones will make you crazy. I had lesbian dreams during all three of my pregnancies and I am very straight and am actually a little grossed out at the thought of even kissing a woman.
Are you getting enough sleep at night? Babies take a lot out of you and your body needs proper rest and nutrition to recover. Since you aren't breast feeding, please insist that your husband or a night nanny takes the night shift a few nights a week so that you can get the rest you need. Try to get at least 20 minutes of sunlight on your skin every day.
I would give it another week or two, get more rest, and then see how you feel. If at any time you have thoughts about hurting yourself or the baby, call 911.
It's okay to go a little crazy after having a baby. It's even kind of normal.
posted by myselfasme at 7:05 PM on April 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
Hormones will make you crazy. I had lesbian dreams during all three of my pregnancies and I am very straight and am actually a little grossed out at the thought of even kissing a woman.
Are you getting enough sleep at night? Babies take a lot out of you and your body needs proper rest and nutrition to recover. Since you aren't breast feeding, please insist that your husband or a night nanny takes the night shift a few nights a week so that you can get the rest you need. Try to get at least 20 minutes of sunlight on your skin every day.
I would give it another week or two, get more rest, and then see how you feel. If at any time you have thoughts about hurting yourself or the baby, call 911.
It's okay to go a little crazy after having a baby. It's even kind of normal.
posted by myselfasme at 7:05 PM on April 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
I had a very similar experience to you with regard to the nursing with my first baby--pumped and kept trying for weeks, finally just had to admit it wasn't going to happen. I ended up with a post-partum depression that I think I probably wouldn't have gotten if nursing had gone better. My symptoms were also pretty atypical for PPD--more anxiety than depression, and I never felt disconnected from the baby, for instance. I went to a support group for women with PPD for awhile, that was offered free though the same organization that does a lot of the prenatal classes in our area, and that was helpful.
Also, when I was able to nurse with our second child, it pretty much turned off the sexual function of my breasts until after he'd weaned.
Which is just me chiming in to say: Yes, the hormones and the sleep deprivation and all of that can really do a number on you.
I like myseflsame's advice, both about taking advantage of bottle-feeding to let yourself get some uninterrupted chunks of sleep while some else takes some night time feedings, and about calling 911 or taking yourself to the ER if you need to. At one point during my post-partum depression, I felt so overwhelmed I took the baby and went to the ER. It was kind of embarrassing in some ways but they were very compassionate to me, and as soon as I got in there I felt safe and taken care of and it really helped.
posted by not that girl at 7:21 PM on April 9, 2013
Also, when I was able to nurse with our second child, it pretty much turned off the sexual function of my breasts until after he'd weaned.
Which is just me chiming in to say: Yes, the hormones and the sleep deprivation and all of that can really do a number on you.
I like myseflsame's advice, both about taking advantage of bottle-feeding to let yourself get some uninterrupted chunks of sleep while some else takes some night time feedings, and about calling 911 or taking yourself to the ER if you need to. At one point during my post-partum depression, I felt so overwhelmed I took the baby and went to the ER. It was kind of embarrassing in some ways but they were very compassionate to me, and as soon as I got in there I felt safe and taken care of and it really helped.
posted by not that girl at 7:21 PM on April 9, 2013
I'm three weeks postpartum with my second child. I also experienced a miscarriage and had to have a d&c prior to those births. I had feelings like you describe after the miscarriage. They went away after a whole, but I also received counseling for a bunch of miscarriage related things. The biggest of which was a "my body has failed me, wtf do I do now, how do I stop this from happening again" type thing. With this birth so far it's more of a sense of wonder at my body, but still sort of a strange disassociation, almost like an out of body experience
Which is all to say: hormones and the postpartum period are strange indeed. Could be hormones. Could be ppd. Could be actual gid. In any case, be kind to yourself and seek the support you need.
Sending thoughts of hugs.
posted by dpx.mfx at 7:24 PM on April 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Which is all to say: hormones and the postpartum period are strange indeed. Could be hormones. Could be ppd. Could be actual gid. In any case, be kind to yourself and seek the support you need.
Sending thoughts of hugs.
posted by dpx.mfx at 7:24 PM on April 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
This fascinates me because I had the opposite reaction - I've always been very gender queer, but after birth felt extremely female and womanly, to a point that it felt like I had been transferred into a new body. I always recommend reaching out to someone for help postpartum; but fwiw my pediatrician said it wasn't so much part of the PPD specifically as just general life change hormonal weirdness. Mine eased off soon and then dissipated entirely when I weaned from pumping/feeding.
posted by blue_and_bronze at 7:30 PM on April 9, 2013
posted by blue_and_bronze at 7:30 PM on April 9, 2013
I'm agreeing with everyone else that you should talk to your doctor or a therapist, just to make sure everything's okay and doesn't get weird. But I'm also going to throw out an anecdote: when my friend had a baby, her husband was unnerved by all the masculinity expected of him. It made him realize that he wasn't comfortable thinking of himself as male or being called "Dad" and, long story short, he realized he was a mentally a woman and he transitioned. As far as I know she's happy now (and my friend's daughter has two moms).
Not to say that you have unresolved issues or anything as dramatic as what happened to her. But becoming a parent can suddenly make you all about your gender and how society sees you with regard to childbearing. Throw in all the hormones and lack of sleep, and I don't think there's anything particularly weird about your mind wandering into thoughts of gender and what it means and how it presents.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:51 PM on April 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
Not to say that you have unresolved issues or anything as dramatic as what happened to her. But becoming a parent can suddenly make you all about your gender and how society sees you with regard to childbearing. Throw in all the hormones and lack of sleep, and I don't think there's anything particularly weird about your mind wandering into thoughts of gender and what it means and how it presents.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:51 PM on April 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
I think it's normal but also worth checking in with a professional about. The hormones really do a number on you, and giving birth and breastfeeding often change the way we feel about our bodies -- and not necessarily in a positive way. I have a toddler and I can tell you that I've gone through a lot of different feelings about this whole thing along the way.
Regarding breasts in particular ... so my milk took a while coming in, at the further end of the normal range. My kid lost a bit of weight the first few days out of the hospital, just enough for her pediatrician to be a bit concerned, and all of a sudden it was PHYSICALLY AGGRESSIVE LACTATION CONSULTANT IN MY FACE ABOUT PUMPS AND FORMULA AND SCHEDULES! and I spent the following days completely focused and freaked out about the possibility that I had unwittingly started starving my baby. It was fine ... I mean, the milk was leaking on the way home from that appointment, and I looked like I had beach balls that were going to pop ... but anyway, the point of sharing this is that I had a lot of very intense feelings about wanting to feed my baby, must feed baby, must nourish baby (and I had those feelings before that appointment), and now, 15 months later, this is what I remember most about the first couple of weeks. I don't want to describe your feelings for you, but I can imagine that after going through the effort to make breastfeeding work, you might have complicated feelings about your breasts even if you're basically ok with the outcome. It's not completely logical. I know another woman who couldn't produce milk at all, and she tried everything under the sun for a few months, and I think she also has complicated feelings about it even though her baby is perfectly healthy and happy and well-bonded to her.
Also, I think it was months and months before I could let my husband touch my breasts, because, eww, gross. ("Those are for eating ...") And they hurt. Especially on days when I had to pump. But it's gotten a lot better over time.
posted by stowaway at 8:04 PM on April 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Regarding breasts in particular ... so my milk took a while coming in, at the further end of the normal range. My kid lost a bit of weight the first few days out of the hospital, just enough for her pediatrician to be a bit concerned, and all of a sudden it was PHYSICALLY AGGRESSIVE LACTATION CONSULTANT IN MY FACE ABOUT PUMPS AND FORMULA AND SCHEDULES! and I spent the following days completely focused and freaked out about the possibility that I had unwittingly started starving my baby. It was fine ... I mean, the milk was leaking on the way home from that appointment, and I looked like I had beach balls that were going to pop ... but anyway, the point of sharing this is that I had a lot of very intense feelings about wanting to feed my baby, must feed baby, must nourish baby (and I had those feelings before that appointment), and now, 15 months later, this is what I remember most about the first couple of weeks. I don't want to describe your feelings for you, but I can imagine that after going through the effort to make breastfeeding work, you might have complicated feelings about your breasts even if you're basically ok with the outcome. It's not completely logical. I know another woman who couldn't produce milk at all, and she tried everything under the sun for a few months, and I think she also has complicated feelings about it even though her baby is perfectly healthy and happy and well-bonded to her.
Also, I think it was months and months before I could let my husband touch my breasts, because, eww, gross. ("Those are for eating ...") And they hurt. Especially on days when I had to pump. But it's gotten a lot better over time.
posted by stowaway at 8:04 PM on April 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm a dad, not a mom, but I'm chiming in as someone who's pro-therapy and pro-psychiatry.
Therapy and/or psychiatry almost never is harmful. If you think you might be experiencing PPD, and you have insurance, there is nothing to lose from having a consultation with a psychiatrist and/or a therapist.
Given the feelings you describe, you'll probably have to interview around to find someone with experience with gender identity issues, but finding a professional who can help you sort through the thoughts and feelings is tremendously helpful.
Friends can do it too, certainly, but I'm constantly amazed by the stuff that trained therapists are able to bring to these kinds of discussions.
If you're in a big metro, there might be group, formally through your hospital, or informally through meetup.com or something for folks with similar issues. Talking is the best way to manage these things. And if you think it's PPD, getting an informed opinion could be the difference between months (or years) of unhappiness versus a very positive movement in your life.
posted by colin_l at 8:29 PM on April 9, 2013
Therapy and/or psychiatry almost never is harmful. If you think you might be experiencing PPD, and you have insurance, there is nothing to lose from having a consultation with a psychiatrist and/or a therapist.
Given the feelings you describe, you'll probably have to interview around to find someone with experience with gender identity issues, but finding a professional who can help you sort through the thoughts and feelings is tremendously helpful.
Friends can do it too, certainly, but I'm constantly amazed by the stuff that trained therapists are able to bring to these kinds of discussions.
If you're in a big metro, there might be group, formally through your hospital, or informally through meetup.com or something for folks with similar issues. Talking is the best way to manage these things. And if you think it's PPD, getting an informed opinion could be the difference between months (or years) of unhappiness versus a very positive movement in your life.
posted by colin_l at 8:29 PM on April 9, 2013
Therapy is good. Make sure you find a therapist who is known to be "queer friendly," though, because others might needlessly pathologize you, if you do end up being trans. I'm a cis bisexual woman who is married to a man, but I still only see "queer friendly" therapists (after a bad experience seeing a psychoanalyst, who kept trying to turn my girlfriends into symbols for my mother). I generally find these therapists more open minded and eclectic anyway.
Re: pregnancy. I didn't have children, but pregnancy and birth seems to have revolutionized a lot of friends' relationships to their bodies and physical self. Like, my disabled friend became much more confident in herself. Another friend who's an athlete felt very frail after bed rest and a c-section. Makes sense: you just gave birth! Your body can do so much more. If this leads to a lifelong identity for you, great. If it's just a passing hormonal thing, maybe it will leave you with awareness for trans issues -- useful as a mom!
Another possibility is a sex therapist. I haven't seen one of those, but I know they exist. You'd want to double check how queer friendly they are.
posted by sweltering at 9:39 PM on April 9, 2013
Re: pregnancy. I didn't have children, but pregnancy and birth seems to have revolutionized a lot of friends' relationships to their bodies and physical self. Like, my disabled friend became much more confident in herself. Another friend who's an athlete felt very frail after bed rest and a c-section. Makes sense: you just gave birth! Your body can do so much more. If this leads to a lifelong identity for you, great. If it's just a passing hormonal thing, maybe it will leave you with awareness for trans issues -- useful as a mom!
Another possibility is a sex therapist. I haven't seen one of those, but I know they exist. You'd want to double check how queer friendly they are.
posted by sweltering at 9:39 PM on April 9, 2013
I went through this in puberty. It wasn't about my gender as much as what I was placing into that idea of gender. Does that make sense? I mean, a lot of it comes from society (and you are facing a metric fuckton of societal gendering, from breastfeeding to don't be a frump to ALL VAGINA ALL THE TIME to pinnacle of womanhood and it goes on and on and on) but it wasn't that I was trans, I just didn't want to be what 'woman' was, with a dash of hating my boobs.
So yeah, I'd hit up a therapist, because this level of depersonalisation right at this point? It cannot be helping you.
posted by geek anachronism at 12:21 AM on April 10, 2013
So yeah, I'd hit up a therapist, because this level of depersonalisation right at this point? It cannot be helping you.
posted by geek anachronism at 12:21 AM on April 10, 2013
I suspect your hormones probably have a whole lot to do this, and when they stabilize a lot of this feeling may go away. It's possible that that is 100 percent what's going on.
But you've also just been through an enormous, life-changing, extremely female event. Right now everything and every person in your life is all about your womanhood and your new motherhood and your boobs, and that could be overwhelming.
Have you been repressing some trans feelings your whole life, and now they're surfacing? Possibly. But it's also possible you are just burned out on womanhood right now, that your mind is kind of revolting against so many things telling you that you are all woman, all mommy, all the time.
Years ago, when I came out as trans, I suddenly found myself fantasizing about sex with guys for the first time in my life. If I'd been repressing those fantasies before, it sure didn't feel like it! The change was almost overnight, and rather alarming at first. I slowly got used to the idea, and once it stopped being so scary to me, a lot of those fantasies went away. Again, I wouldn't be at all surprised if your hormones are behind this, but I can also say from experience that sometimes a major life event related to your gender can abruptly reveal another side of yourself that seems totally new and alien.
Being trans doesn't mean you're forced to give up your current life, or your womanhood, or even the frilly trappings of womanhood, if you don't want to. You are free to respond to this however you want. This could be something you can explore and actually have some fun with. Everybody's suggesting a shrink, and that could well be a good idea... But you might also look at this as an opportunity. Whether you're actually trans or you're just going through some temporary trans phase, it's still a whole new side of your personality to explore and play with. Suddenly your male side is awake and talking to you. Who is he?
You don't have to be 100 percent butch or fem to be a great parent.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:19 AM on April 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
But you've also just been through an enormous, life-changing, extremely female event. Right now everything and every person in your life is all about your womanhood and your new motherhood and your boobs, and that could be overwhelming.
Have you been repressing some trans feelings your whole life, and now they're surfacing? Possibly. But it's also possible you are just burned out on womanhood right now, that your mind is kind of revolting against so many things telling you that you are all woman, all mommy, all the time.
Years ago, when I came out as trans, I suddenly found myself fantasizing about sex with guys for the first time in my life. If I'd been repressing those fantasies before, it sure didn't feel like it! The change was almost overnight, and rather alarming at first. I slowly got used to the idea, and once it stopped being so scary to me, a lot of those fantasies went away. Again, I wouldn't be at all surprised if your hormones are behind this, but I can also say from experience that sometimes a major life event related to your gender can abruptly reveal another side of yourself that seems totally new and alien.
Being trans doesn't mean you're forced to give up your current life, or your womanhood, or even the frilly trappings of womanhood, if you don't want to. You are free to respond to this however you want. This could be something you can explore and actually have some fun with. Everybody's suggesting a shrink, and that could well be a good idea... But you might also look at this as an opportunity. Whether you're actually trans or you're just going through some temporary trans phase, it's still a whole new side of your personality to explore and play with. Suddenly your male side is awake and talking to you. Who is he?
You don't have to be 100 percent butch or fem to be a great parent.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:19 AM on April 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
I'm a psychotherapist, who diagnoses lots of people, but I do not diagnose people over the internet.
However, with all due respect to the hormones/exhaustion/normalizing crowd in this question, what you describe* sounds like it might very well be a form of psychosis. Post-partum depression gets a lot of press, but depression does not always present in a way that lay people can identify, and one of the ways it presents post-partum is with psychotic symptoms. What you describe is something you should talk to a doctor about sooner rather than later, being very specific (as you have been here) about what you've experienced. You should not talk to one when you get around to it or when it is convenient, you should make a purposeful visit to one. And, although I almost never say this, I think you should see an MD, not a therapist, and certainly not one who you search out because they are "queer friendly." There will be time for therapy and determining whether this is a "new self" once you have been evaluated and more serious issues have been ruled out. Feel free to get in touch via MeMail if you would like to discuss this more.
In case I have not been sufficiently clear, I believe that the soothing answers in this thread are potentially dangerous and that you should not pay attention to them.
*I want to be very clear here, what you describe may be nothing, and even if it is a variant of post-partum depression, it is treatable and not something to be alarmed about if you are under treatment. However, based only on the limited information you have provided here, I believe you should be assessed for post-partum depression.
posted by OmieWise at 5:42 AM on April 10, 2013 [10 favorites]
However, with all due respect to the hormones/exhaustion/normalizing crowd in this question, what you describe* sounds like it might very well be a form of psychosis. Post-partum depression gets a lot of press, but depression does not always present in a way that lay people can identify, and one of the ways it presents post-partum is with psychotic symptoms. What you describe is something you should talk to a doctor about sooner rather than later, being very specific (as you have been here) about what you've experienced. You should not talk to one when you get around to it or when it is convenient, you should make a purposeful visit to one. And, although I almost never say this, I think you should see an MD, not a therapist, and certainly not one who you search out because they are "queer friendly." There will be time for therapy and determining whether this is a "new self" once you have been evaluated and more serious issues have been ruled out. Feel free to get in touch via MeMail if you would like to discuss this more.
In case I have not been sufficiently clear, I believe that the soothing answers in this thread are potentially dangerous and that you should not pay attention to them.
*I want to be very clear here, what you describe may be nothing, and even if it is a variant of post-partum depression, it is treatable and not something to be alarmed about if you are under treatment. However, based only on the limited information you have provided here, I believe you should be assessed for post-partum depression.
posted by OmieWise at 5:42 AM on April 10, 2013 [10 favorites]
Lots of good advice here.
Just came to say that talking to a therapist will help you sort through all of your hormones, emotions, vulnerabilities, sleep-deprivation, etc. Having a baby is hard work! It's a monumental life-change, and it changes who you are in a very fundamental way. Most new mothers I know really struggle, and the most common thing they struggle with is balancing all of these new experiences with the commonly held understanding of NORMAL.
Talk candidly with your doctor, they can really help you frame your mind-set and your emotions. They can also evaluate you for any post-partum stuff (and just because you're not sad, don't assume that this isn't part of PPD.)
Hang in there, and rally the troops. Ask for help, accept it when it's offered.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:04 AM on April 10, 2013
Just came to say that talking to a therapist will help you sort through all of your hormones, emotions, vulnerabilities, sleep-deprivation, etc. Having a baby is hard work! It's a monumental life-change, and it changes who you are in a very fundamental way. Most new mothers I know really struggle, and the most common thing they struggle with is balancing all of these new experiences with the commonly held understanding of NORMAL.
Talk candidly with your doctor, they can really help you frame your mind-set and your emotions. They can also evaluate you for any post-partum stuff (and just because you're not sad, don't assume that this isn't part of PPD.)
Hang in there, and rally the troops. Ask for help, accept it when it's offered.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:04 AM on April 10, 2013
I've also had a failed breastfeeding experience. I developed PPD and in the midst of it I felt that my breasts were not actually part of me. I actively hated them and wanted to either cut them off or stab them with a knife to make them hurt. I don't know if I actually would have followed through with any of that, because I am a psychotherapist myself so I got a psychiatrist appointment stat. A course of antidepressants helped a lot.
So even though postpartum is an intense time when strange experiences may be fairly typical, I agree with OmieWise that an appointment with a psychiatrist should be on your list of things to do this week. If you call your obgyn office they may be able to provide a referral to a doctor who has experience with PPD.
posted by Shusha at 6:49 AM on April 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
So even though postpartum is an intense time when strange experiences may be fairly typical, I agree with OmieWise that an appointment with a psychiatrist should be on your list of things to do this week. If you call your obgyn office they may be able to provide a referral to a doctor who has experience with PPD.
posted by Shusha at 6:49 AM on April 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
I don't know whether you're having postpartum depression, just a weird postpartum hormonal hiccup, or what and of course no one else here knows either, but as someone who knows and loves a lot of transgender folks, and is myself a gender-unusual parent, I want to put in my voice that it's possible you are trans, and that there's nothing pathological or dangerous going on.
posted by latkes at 10:21 AM on April 10, 2013
posted by latkes at 10:21 AM on April 10, 2013
PPD can come in many forms, like others mentioned. It's not always just crying. It can also manifest in psychosis. For me, it was crippling anxiety. Nobody prepared me for that, and I thought I had lost my mind. There's no wrong answer here other than _not_ to go see some sort of therapist to figure out what's going on with you.
posted by Addlepated at 10:27 AM on April 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Addlepated at 10:27 AM on April 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Please listen to OmnieWise above. I am (just) another mom and someone who has a mental illness, sees a psychiatrist regularly, and as such, has spent a good deal of time reading about and learning about depression and other mental illnesses. Those are my paltry credentials. I will say, though, that the first things I thought of when I read your question were depersonalization and psychosis. I don't think I have experienced psychosis, so I am not speaking from experience. But please, see a psychiatrist (a doctor, not a therapist) because psychosis requires intenvention. Now. If that's the problem, you really, really don't want to go deeper into it. Don't panic, just make the appointment.
As he/she said above, if these are 'real', non-pathological gender-identity feelings, you can deal with that later.
posted by kitcat at 11:09 AM on April 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
As he/she said above, if these are 'real', non-pathological gender-identity feelings, you can deal with that later.
posted by kitcat at 11:09 AM on April 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Another mom here who had serious PPD largely exacerbated by failed nursing. You are not alone, not by a long shot. You are very brave and smart to ask this question... Continue that self care by seeing a doctor. If you can't navigate your way to seeing a psychiatrist for sure reach out to your OB and they can help you from there.
posted by Sublimity at 2:45 PM on April 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Sublimity at 2:45 PM on April 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
I don't know whether you're having postpartum depression, just a weird postpartum hormonal hiccup, or what and of course no one else here knows either, but as someone who knows and loves a lot of transgender folks, and is myself a gender-unusual parent, I want to put in my voice that it's possible you are trans, and that there's nothing pathological or dangerous going on.
This is bad advice from from someone who does not appear to know what they are talking about, and appears to live the idea of gender-unusual patenting more than actual parents and their kids. I do not want to alarm you, but listening to very poor advice like this might have dire consequences for you and your child.
posted by OmieWise at 5:01 PM on April 10, 2013
This is bad advice from from someone who does not appear to know what they are talking about, and appears to live the idea of gender-unusual patenting more than actual parents and their kids. I do not want to alarm you, but listening to very poor advice like this might have dire consequences for you and your child.
posted by OmieWise at 5:01 PM on April 10, 2013
" This is bad advice from from someone who does not appear to know what they are talking about"
I think you can strongly advocate your position on this without disrespecting latkes. We can probably all agree therapy is a good idea, but the op is not your patient, and it IS possible that what she's experiencing has nothing to do with psychosis. If there's a chance that what she's feeling could be connected to something dangerous, you're right to insist she consults a doctor right away. I'm not arguing against that. But is also possible this is a part of herself that she should embrace rather than repress, and some of us here have dealt with that and DO know what we're talking about.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 8:02 PM on April 10, 2013
I think you can strongly advocate your position on this without disrespecting latkes. We can probably all agree therapy is a good idea, but the op is not your patient, and it IS possible that what she's experiencing has nothing to do with psychosis. If there's a chance that what she's feeling could be connected to something dangerous, you're right to insist she consults a doctor right away. I'm not arguing against that. But is also possible this is a part of herself that she should embrace rather than repress, and some of us here have dealt with that and DO know what we're talking about.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 8:02 PM on April 10, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
I would run it past my doctor if I were you, better safe than sorry and all that. I have had babies and dealt with hormones-and breastfeeding hormones are part of the mix of course-and they can muck you up pretty well. And if this is something on the serious side why not nip it in the bud? (And if it's nothing, it's worth the price of a doc visit for reassurance.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:52 PM on April 9, 2013 [1 favorite]