Help finding a (possible) half-sister in Chad, Africa?
April 9, 2013 2:25 PM Subscribe
My wife's father (Caucasian American) spent five years teaching in Chad, Africa in the late 60's and early 70's. A few years ago he told my wife that while he was there he had a relationship with a woman and that after he left the village where he was living he heard that she had a child who "looked like him." My wife and I are thinking about traveling to Chad to see where her father lived and to possibly try and find this woman who would now be in her 40's. We have some limited information from him (names places etc.) Finding information about Chadian culture has been difficult and we want to be sure that there would be no negative consequences for this woman and her family if we went and tried to find her. We want to be as low-key as possible but it looks like most of the westerners who travel to this part of Africa use guides or tourist companies. We speak a little french but not much. Any info would be so much appreciated!
There are articles available about illegitimacy in neighboring countries. Maybe that helps if nothing Chad-specific comes to light?
- About Sudan, from Global Voices Online: "...intese [sic] social stigma of being a born-out-of-wedlock child. The Sudanese society is decidedly biased against illigitimate children, even though such behavior is not supported by Islam."
- About Sudan, from the NY Times: "Just a few years ago, infants faced Dickensian neglect and a death rate of 80 percent at Maygoma Orphanage in Khartoum, Sudan. The babies, often the products of illicit relationships, were regarded as irredeemably corrupt in a society that traditionally passes the sins of the parent on to the child."
- About Nigeria (.pdf), from a published journal article: "Despite the apparent incurability of the [HIV/AIDS] disease, for about 70% of the single women getting pregnant was still the major concern in unprotected sex rather than HIV infection.... It further shows the societal concern regarding extramarital pregnancy – the stigma of getting an illegitimate child is paramount to the concern of contracting an infectious disease."
They still widely practice female genital mutilation and have other problems, so I think you are right to worry that your visit could be injurious.
Maybe it would be possible for you to work with an intermediary, like we have available to adopted people in the US (or at least in Texas), as a person who could contact your father-in-law's potential child on your behalf, confidentially and in a culturally-sensitive manner so that they are not exposed to harm or found when they are not wanting to be found. I'm thinking that an orphanage in the area he identified might have someone who could do this work for you?
It may be possible that the mother avoided stigma for herself and her child by letting others think the father was someone else. This would blow that story up, if it happened, as well as any relationships she still has based on that story. The mother may also rightfully want some sort of back-payment for child support, as she possibly raised the child without assistance (financial and otherwise) from the father, and the child may want a reunion and rightful place at the inheritance table, so to speak. It would also be possible that you'd get pretty far along in all of this, possibly disrupting their relationships with others, and it turn out that she is someone else's child. And although the child may have had a happy childhood and a prosperous adulthood, it's also possible that he/she is in dire straits and that will be hard on you as you fly back to the US after meeting him/her. I'd think about how you will handle those situations.
posted by Houstonian at 3:06 PM on April 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
- About Sudan, from Global Voices Online: "...intese [sic] social stigma of being a born-out-of-wedlock child. The Sudanese society is decidedly biased against illigitimate children, even though such behavior is not supported by Islam."
- About Sudan, from the NY Times: "Just a few years ago, infants faced Dickensian neglect and a death rate of 80 percent at Maygoma Orphanage in Khartoum, Sudan. The babies, often the products of illicit relationships, were regarded as irredeemably corrupt in a society that traditionally passes the sins of the parent on to the child."
- About Nigeria (.pdf), from a published journal article: "Despite the apparent incurability of the [HIV/AIDS] disease, for about 70% of the single women getting pregnant was still the major concern in unprotected sex rather than HIV infection.... It further shows the societal concern regarding extramarital pregnancy – the stigma of getting an illegitimate child is paramount to the concern of contracting an infectious disease."
They still widely practice female genital mutilation and have other problems, so I think you are right to worry that your visit could be injurious.
Maybe it would be possible for you to work with an intermediary, like we have available to adopted people in the US (or at least in Texas), as a person who could contact your father-in-law's potential child on your behalf, confidentially and in a culturally-sensitive manner so that they are not exposed to harm or found when they are not wanting to be found. I'm thinking that an orphanage in the area he identified might have someone who could do this work for you?
It may be possible that the mother avoided stigma for herself and her child by letting others think the father was someone else. This would blow that story up, if it happened, as well as any relationships she still has based on that story. The mother may also rightfully want some sort of back-payment for child support, as she possibly raised the child without assistance (financial and otherwise) from the father, and the child may want a reunion and rightful place at the inheritance table, so to speak. It would also be possible that you'd get pretty far along in all of this, possibly disrupting their relationships with others, and it turn out that she is someone else's child. And although the child may have had a happy childhood and a prosperous adulthood, it's also possible that he/she is in dire straits and that will be hard on you as you fly back to the US after meeting him/her. I'd think about how you will handle those situations.
posted by Houstonian at 3:06 PM on April 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
Travel Warning
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE
Bureau of Consular Affairs
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE
Bureau of Consular Affairs
The Department of State warns U.S. citizens of the risks of travel to Chad and recommends citizens avoid all travel to eastern Chad and border regions. Because of security concerns the U.S. Embassy in Chad reviews all proposed travel by official U.S. government personnel to areas outside the capital, N’Djamena, and its immediate surroundings before approving such arrangements. U.S. citizens affiliated with humanitarian relief efforts similarly should review security precautions and consider measures to mitigate exposure to violent crime and other threats. U.S. citizens residing in Chad should exercise caution throughout the country. This Travel Warning replaces the Travel Warning for Chad dated March 29, 2012, to update U.S. citizens on the current security situation in Chad.posted by jason's_planet at 6:41 PM on April 9, 2013
The U.S. Embassy in Chad operates as a fully accompanied post, meaning minor dependents of U.S. government employees are permitted to travel to or accompany family members to N’Djamena. The security situation in Chad has slowly but steadily improved since the conclusion of an effective peace agreement between Sudan and Chad in early 2010. You should note, however, that despite recent stability, the security environment has been historically volatile and could still deteriorate unexpectedly.
The phrase "failed state" tends to come up in discussions of Chad.
It seems like a fucking mess, not to put too fine a point on it. I can't recommend traveling to a relatively dangerous place in order to pursue a possible relation on the word of some villagers from several decades ago who may or may not have been kidding around with your father-in-law.
posted by jason's_planet at 6:50 PM on April 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
It seems like a fucking mess, not to put too fine a point on it. I can't recommend traveling to a relatively dangerous place in order to pursue a possible relation on the word of some villagers from several decades ago who may or may not have been kidding around with your father-in-law.
posted by jason's_planet at 6:50 PM on April 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
I would wager I'm the single soul on Metafilter that's been to Chad.
Chad is a mess. It is one of the least secure and most underdeveloped countries on the entire continent. The fact that it is a family posting for the US Embassy does show improvement, but people live much more cloistered in N'Djamena than in most African capitols.
I would wager significant money that the US Embassy will be of zero help for you, and you'll come away feeling that you wasted your time there. You should also be aware that N'Djamena is one of the most expensive cities in the world to live in / visit. This is not a joke. We stayed in a shithole of a Chinese hotel, at my organization's negotiated rate of $175 a night. If you want to stay in a decent hotel you should budget twice that.
try and find this woman who would now be in her 40's
Chad ranks in the bottom 10 out of ~190 countries for life expectancy at 51 years of age. You have to consider the strong possiblity that this woman may have already passed on.
Finding information about Chadian culture has been difficult
Chad, and many of the other poorest countries, have little room for the luxuries of what the rest of the world considers "culture" - music, art, etc.. Most people are focused on raw survival.
we want to be sure that there would be no negative consequences for this woman and her family
I would speculate that the most likely consequence is that she would begin to get enormous pressure from her friends, family, and immediate community for her to get money from you guys. In fact, I would bet on this too.
I wish you the best of luck but I would strongly warn you off of investing too much in this effort, I can't see it as ending in much more than a significant financial loss and general disappointment.
posted by allkindsoftime at 1:09 AM on August 5, 2013
Chad is a mess. It is one of the least secure and most underdeveloped countries on the entire continent. The fact that it is a family posting for the US Embassy does show improvement, but people live much more cloistered in N'Djamena than in most African capitols.
I would wager significant money that the US Embassy will be of zero help for you, and you'll come away feeling that you wasted your time there. You should also be aware that N'Djamena is one of the most expensive cities in the world to live in / visit. This is not a joke. We stayed in a shithole of a Chinese hotel, at my organization's negotiated rate of $175 a night. If you want to stay in a decent hotel you should budget twice that.
try and find this woman who would now be in her 40's
Chad ranks in the bottom 10 out of ~190 countries for life expectancy at 51 years of age. You have to consider the strong possiblity that this woman may have already passed on.
Finding information about Chadian culture has been difficult
Chad, and many of the other poorest countries, have little room for the luxuries of what the rest of the world considers "culture" - music, art, etc.. Most people are focused on raw survival.
we want to be sure that there would be no negative consequences for this woman and her family
I would speculate that the most likely consequence is that she would begin to get enormous pressure from her friends, family, and immediate community for her to get money from you guys. In fact, I would bet on this too.
I wish you the best of luck but I would strongly warn you off of investing too much in this effort, I can't see it as ending in much more than a significant financial loss and general disappointment.
posted by allkindsoftime at 1:09 AM on August 5, 2013
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The American ambassador in Chad in the late 1960s was a friend of my uncle's but he died years ago.
posted by mareli at 2:50 PM on April 9, 2013