Dirty Thirty... yeah right.
April 8, 2013 3:36 AM Subscribe
I've been single forever. I'm dipping my toe back into dating. I worry that people, particularly nice people whom I'd like to date, are going to think I'm weird for having been single so long. IS it even weird?
I'm 30, straight, female, and have been single throughout my 20s. I feel like many people would consider this weird but it's just the way things have panned out for me.
I spent my 20s single for many reasons. Forget relationships, I didn't even date. I was very shy and didn't think people would look at me "that way" (so they didn't, and when they did it freaked me out). I was also in unrequited love for a lot of that time.
I have also been celibate all that time, but am pretty in touch with myself sexually.
I've over most of that stuff now, I haven't thought of the guy for a long time, and I am much more happy and outgoing at 30 than I was at 20. Overall I think I am nice enough: caring, considerate, intelligent and independent. I'm on OKCupid, which is harder work than I thought it would be, but I am optimistic.
I haven't yet clicked with anyone but I worry about eventually meeting some nice guy and how weird they will think me if the conversation drifts to relationship history and I am forced to reveal that I haven't been with anyone for years. I know that none of my friends think I'm weird but they know me; and these guys won't know me at all. Guys my age whom I know usually have a couple of reasonable-length relationships under their belt, and I reckon they are probably looking for someone who has similar levels of sexual/relationship experience.
How can I best handle this? IS this even a legitimate thing to worry about?
Thanks Ask Mefi. Please be kind, this is somewhat embarrassing to write about! :)
I'm 30, straight, female, and have been single throughout my 20s. I feel like many people would consider this weird but it's just the way things have panned out for me.
I spent my 20s single for many reasons. Forget relationships, I didn't even date. I was very shy and didn't think people would look at me "that way" (so they didn't, and when they did it freaked me out). I was also in unrequited love for a lot of that time.
I have also been celibate all that time, but am pretty in touch with myself sexually.
I've over most of that stuff now, I haven't thought of the guy for a long time, and I am much more happy and outgoing at 30 than I was at 20. Overall I think I am nice enough: caring, considerate, intelligent and independent. I'm on OKCupid, which is harder work than I thought it would be, but I am optimistic.
I haven't yet clicked with anyone but I worry about eventually meeting some nice guy and how weird they will think me if the conversation drifts to relationship history and I am forced to reveal that I haven't been with anyone for years. I know that none of my friends think I'm weird but they know me; and these guys won't know me at all. Guys my age whom I know usually have a couple of reasonable-length relationships under their belt, and I reckon they are probably looking for someone who has similar levels of sexual/relationship experience.
How can I best handle this? IS this even a legitimate thing to worry about?
Thanks Ask Mefi. Please be kind, this is somewhat embarrassing to write about! :)
Best answer: I don't think it's weird at all, and the way you explained it made it sound extra normal. Really, you sound quite sweet and adorable. I think a lot of guys will find you, your shyness, and dating history to be quite charming.
posted by cairdeas at 3:52 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by cairdeas at 3:52 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I'm a lesbian, so take this with a grain of salt if you want to, but I consider it a positive thing if its been awhile since the persons last relationship. To me that means they've spent the time working on themself, they know how to be happy without a partner, they've presumably worked on whatever caused their last relationship to fail and there's a higher chance of something healthy developing. To me, it looks a lot better than someo e who's had a string of failed relationships in their twenties.
posted by Autumn at 4:04 AM on April 8, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by Autumn at 4:04 AM on April 8, 2013 [8 favorites]
Best answer: Anyone who is weirded out by your Single Years is someone who would have been weirded out by some stupid thing or another. Go forth and date.
posted by Etrigan at 4:07 AM on April 8, 2013 [11 favorites]
posted by Etrigan at 4:07 AM on April 8, 2013 [11 favorites]
Best answer: You don't owe anyone this answer, either. You are allowed to have privacy over your history and be vague. (Like, I liked some guys and enjoyed meeting new people, but I have not had a serious relationship in a while.) Get to know each other before disclosing this--then, he will have understood you more as a person and will have a better reaction to this fact of yours.
posted by rhythm_queen at 4:32 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by rhythm_queen at 4:32 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Yeah, you're going to be fine. There's nothing weird about this. I wouldn't bat an eye, if it were me.
Anyone who has a problem with it isn't right for you, and isn't worth your time.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:35 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
Anyone who has a problem with it isn't right for you, and isn't worth your time.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:35 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I spent most of my 20s very very single and celibate. When I did start dating for real in my late 20s I had the same worries you're having, but not one person cared about that. Frankly, it has been my experience that people don't like hearing about people's past relationships anyway. If they ask about your dating history, just say how you've been single for a while because you just haven't clicked with anyone yet (and then you can throw in a flirty line like "but I'm optimistic that I will soon" and then smile coyly or something). If they prompt for more info, just say how you aren't someone who likes to focus on the past like that, and change the subject.
If they won't let it drop and keep digging for info or make a big deal out of it if you tell them, boot them to the curb.
Also, small word of encouragement: Like I said, I just didn't date in my twenties (or teens for that matter). I had two shitty short term (~3 months) relationships in that time, and that was it. I felt extremely inexperienced and stupid to real "grown up" dating. When I was 29 I totally out of the blue started dating a good friend and co-worker. He ONLY did long term relationships, he was a serial monogamist, and his last relationship was over a decade long and involved marriage. Dating him was extremely scary at first because I felt like he knew how to do this and I had no effing idea what the christ I was doing.
The thing is, though, that he felt the same as I did. Our interraction and our relationship was totally different from anything he had before. All his past relationships had been unhealthy and disfunctional and filled with drama and stress. All of his normal dating behaviours didn't work because I was nothing like any of the women he had been with in the past and our RELATIOINSHIP was nothing like any of his relationships in the past. So as inexperienced with grown up dating as I was, he felt just as inexperienced. We've been together for almost 2 years now, and we're getting married in 5 months. We talk about our relationship and how it has gone fairly often, and we both are still staggered at how totally different this is from anything we had before, and that anything we "learned" or thought we knew from past relationships wasn't relevant. In almost every way, we were both relationship virgins.
So don't worry. Experience or not, when things really click with someone, it is a learning curve for both people. :)
NOW GET OUT THERE AND DATE!
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 4:49 AM on April 8, 2013 [12 favorites]
If they won't let it drop and keep digging for info or make a big deal out of it if you tell them, boot them to the curb.
Also, small word of encouragement: Like I said, I just didn't date in my twenties (or teens for that matter). I had two shitty short term (~3 months) relationships in that time, and that was it. I felt extremely inexperienced and stupid to real "grown up" dating. When I was 29 I totally out of the blue started dating a good friend and co-worker. He ONLY did long term relationships, he was a serial monogamist, and his last relationship was over a decade long and involved marriage. Dating him was extremely scary at first because I felt like he knew how to do this and I had no effing idea what the christ I was doing.
The thing is, though, that he felt the same as I did. Our interraction and our relationship was totally different from anything he had before. All his past relationships had been unhealthy and disfunctional and filled with drama and stress. All of his normal dating behaviours didn't work because I was nothing like any of the women he had been with in the past and our RELATIOINSHIP was nothing like any of his relationships in the past. So as inexperienced with grown up dating as I was, he felt just as inexperienced. We've been together for almost 2 years now, and we're getting married in 5 months. We talk about our relationship and how it has gone fairly often, and we both are still staggered at how totally different this is from anything we had before, and that anything we "learned" or thought we knew from past relationships wasn't relevant. In almost every way, we were both relationship virgins.
So don't worry. Experience or not, when things really click with someone, it is a learning curve for both people. :)
NOW GET OUT THERE AND DATE!
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 4:49 AM on April 8, 2013 [12 favorites]
Best answer: How can I best handle this?
By accepting it. It's your history, it's not as though you can change it. (Even if there were something extraordinary about it, which there isn't.) If someone finds your history off-putting, no matter your history, then that person isn't a good fit for you. No harm no foul, move on, date someone else.
IS this even a legitimate thing to worry about?
Nope.
posted by headnsouth at 4:51 AM on April 8, 2013
By accepting it. It's your history, it's not as though you can change it. (Even if there were something extraordinary about it, which there isn't.) If someone finds your history off-putting, no matter your history, then that person isn't a good fit for you. No harm no foul, move on, date someone else.
IS this even a legitimate thing to worry about?
Nope.
posted by headnsouth at 4:51 AM on April 8, 2013
Best answer: Not to be the odd responder out, but when you say "I have also been celibate all of that time" are you saying you've not had intercourse with another person ever? Because that is totally fine but it's also A Thing and there are potential partners who will be indifferent, potential partners who will be delighted, but also (and you should know this), a small subset of potential partners who will flee when so advised.
(It's very easy to say "and those people are assholes" but they are not always; first intercourse can lead to some very intense emotions and people who are looking for casual relationships may simply want to opt out of the potential for that. Personally I think that's both self-aware and fair.)
Other people's thoughts on this may be very different, and indeed I have not been single for a long time or a first-timer for longer so possibly I have no idea WTF I am taking about here.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:55 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]
(It's very easy to say "and those people are assholes" but they are not always; first intercourse can lead to some very intense emotions and people who are looking for casual relationships may simply want to opt out of the potential for that. Personally I think that's both self-aware and fair.)
Other people's thoughts on this may be very different, and indeed I have not been single for a long time or a first-timer for longer so possibly I have no idea WTF I am taking about here.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:55 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]
Best answer: IS this even a legitimate thing to worry about?
Does it matter if it's legitimate? It's the way you feel.
That being said, of course it's not legitimate to worry about this. It's not like you've done something wrong. I would guess that most people spend long stretches of life single and/or celibate for one reason or another. In other words, a big deal for you, not so much for everyone else.
How can I best handle this?
By remembering that it's who you are now which is all that matters.
posted by three blind mice at 5:46 AM on April 8, 2013
Does it matter if it's legitimate? It's the way you feel.
That being said, of course it's not legitimate to worry about this. It's not like you've done something wrong. I would guess that most people spend long stretches of life single and/or celibate for one reason or another. In other words, a big deal for you, not so much for everyone else.
How can I best handle this?
By remembering that it's who you are now which is all that matters.
posted by three blind mice at 5:46 AM on April 8, 2013
Best answer: I don't know if I can add anything more to what has been said because you have already gotten some great advice in this thread, but I wanted to let you know that there are single men out there with similar history as you. (I am one of them and I know others like us-you aren't alone!) You said yourself that you are much happier now and that is great because you have figured out your own happiness. Most people have a really hard time doing that. The bottom line is that you shouldn't let imaginary men discourage you from dating. And if you do meet men who have a problem with your history, that is their problem to deal with and they aren't worth your time. You are going to meet someone that appreciates you for you. Good luck!
posted by greasy_skillet at 5:50 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by greasy_skillet at 5:50 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Guys who are very concerned about your history will opt out by not dating you or stopping after the first date.
How can I best handle this? IS this even a legitimate thing to worry about?
I would advise "account for it" but don't worry about it. And don't let it delay you from getting started.
The general knocks against inexperienced people:
1. idealization of relationships
2. having to fumble through basic issues
3. being emotionally stunted
These can be mitigated but it takes extra time, energy, and patience.
What goes through a guy's mind? There are guys who seek out inexperience, but the rest of us are thinking:
A. She hasn't found someone suitable yet, so what are the odds she is seeing things realistically and will recognize what I have to offer?
B. She is not relationship minded. The relationship will be unequal because it is a match of someone (the man) who wants/needs a relationship and someone (you, the woman) who can obviously do without being in a relationship. Unless someone fetishizes such power dynamics, it is generally an unappealing prospect for them.
C. Her motivations for starting to date now might be questionable.
D. She has some unpleasant and barely contained issues right below the surface. That would depend on how the rest of your social circle looks and if you have cleared other life checkpoints. Such as: "Do you also happen to be a long-term graduate student who has not started their work career?"
E. She is simply undesirable. It would take real effort for most people to reach 30 without dating. That can be variable on other life circumstances, however, so it is far from a given.
All of those generalities might or might not apply to you. This is the internet. You asked a question and I am trying to give a guy's perspective.
I can't give any specific mitigation advice because this question is closely bundled with if you plan to start a family.
In general, be confident about the areas of your life where you are on track or ahead of the curve. If you have your own place, have started a good career, and have taken care of yourself then it is much easier for a guy to think you will make the same commitment to trying a relationship.
But if you are behind the average with multiple aspects (un- or under-employed, unhealthy, financially dependent on your parents, etc.), it will be a bit tougher. You will need to prioritize what you want to work on and put the best face on everything by being super clear-headed.
posted by 99percentfake at 6:05 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]
How can I best handle this? IS this even a legitimate thing to worry about?
I would advise "account for it" but don't worry about it. And don't let it delay you from getting started.
The general knocks against inexperienced people:
1. idealization of relationships
2. having to fumble through basic issues
3. being emotionally stunted
These can be mitigated but it takes extra time, energy, and patience.
What goes through a guy's mind? There are guys who seek out inexperience, but the rest of us are thinking:
A. She hasn't found someone suitable yet, so what are the odds she is seeing things realistically and will recognize what I have to offer?
B. She is not relationship minded. The relationship will be unequal because it is a match of someone (the man) who wants/needs a relationship and someone (you, the woman) who can obviously do without being in a relationship. Unless someone fetishizes such power dynamics, it is generally an unappealing prospect for them.
C. Her motivations for starting to date now might be questionable.
D. She has some unpleasant and barely contained issues right below the surface. That would depend on how the rest of your social circle looks and if you have cleared other life checkpoints. Such as: "Do you also happen to be a long-term graduate student who has not started their work career?"
E. She is simply undesirable. It would take real effort for most people to reach 30 without dating. That can be variable on other life circumstances, however, so it is far from a given.
All of those generalities might or might not apply to you. This is the internet. You asked a question and I am trying to give a guy's perspective.
I can't give any specific mitigation advice because this question is closely bundled with if you plan to start a family.
In general, be confident about the areas of your life where you are on track or ahead of the curve. If you have your own place, have started a good career, and have taken care of yourself then it is much easier for a guy to think you will make the same commitment to trying a relationship.
But if you are behind the average with multiple aspects (un- or under-employed, unhealthy, financially dependent on your parents, etc.), it will be a bit tougher. You will need to prioritize what you want to work on and put the best face on everything by being super clear-headed.
posted by 99percentfake at 6:05 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]
Best answer: I was the same way throughout my 20s. I never allowed myself to date seriously because I was very much commitmentphobic. I always had an excuse: moving to various cities, getting my PhD, etc. etc. I fell hard for someone in my late 20s and my lack of dating experience really hurt that relationship. I'm definitely not taking full blame, because he had his share of issues as well, but I wish I had known more about the workings of relationships at the time: taking things slow, communication, etc.
My point with this is that now that your eyes are open and you are going to actively start looking for a potential partner, don't be scared to ask for dating and relationship advice. I can't speak for your situation, but I was too embarrassed to admit in my late 20s that I hadn't been in very many relationships and I let my anxiety get the best of me in the unfamiliar territory. I ignored red flags because of infatuation and was scared to communicate. We became codependent. All these get better with experience, I'm aware now. I wouldn't even worry about your past, but don't be ashamed of it like I was.
posted by Butterflye1010 at 6:19 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
My point with this is that now that your eyes are open and you are going to actively start looking for a potential partner, don't be scared to ask for dating and relationship advice. I can't speak for your situation, but I was too embarrassed to admit in my late 20s that I hadn't been in very many relationships and I let my anxiety get the best of me in the unfamiliar territory. I ignored red flags because of infatuation and was scared to communicate. We became codependent. All these get better with experience, I'm aware now. I wouldn't even worry about your past, but don't be ashamed of it like I was.
posted by Butterflye1010 at 6:19 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I dated some in my 20's and 30's but nothing serious, mostly because I wasn't meeting people worth getting serious about.
When I met Husbunny, we had some small conversation about our past relationships, but it just wasn't all that important. We've been married for 11 years. I was 39 when we married.
Oddly enough, when you date, most folks won't ask for your relationship resume. You'll spend a lot of time discussing your likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, fears, opinions about television and cats.
Your history is yours, you made decisions and you're who you are today because of those decisions.
Go forth and meet people, learn all about them, and remember, you get what you settle for, so don't go with people who aren't worthy of you!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:15 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
When I met Husbunny, we had some small conversation about our past relationships, but it just wasn't all that important. We've been married for 11 years. I was 39 when we married.
Oddly enough, when you date, most folks won't ask for your relationship resume. You'll spend a lot of time discussing your likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, fears, opinions about television and cats.
Your history is yours, you made decisions and you're who you are today because of those decisions.
Go forth and meet people, learn all about them, and remember, you get what you settle for, so don't go with people who aren't worthy of you!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:15 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: A lot of people make stupid relationship mistakes that they regret in their 20s due to being 'adults' who aren't actually fully mature yet. Look at your dating history as a positive rather than a negative - you avoided a lot of potential drama.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 8:08 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by treehorn+bunny at 8:08 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Don't allow the fear of the unknown hold you back. It is what it is. You are who you are. There's just no getting around that so put this out of your mind. It's holding you back. It's a self-protective measure. But you sound ready to take some risk. With risk comes rewards. Go get some rewards!
posted by amanda at 9:18 AM on April 8, 2013
posted by amanda at 9:18 AM on April 8, 2013
Best answer: "Relationship resume" - ha! Maybe you could look at your situation as filtering out people who treat dating as a business transaction?
Plenty of people (including me!) are going, or have gone through, periods of celibacy or opting out of the dating arena, voluntarily or otherwise, for varying reasons. You don't owe anyone a long, detailed explanation. (IME it's a red flag if someone gets very pushy and insistent on digging into and discussing your past dating life and especially your sex life on the first few dates. Boundary-busting! Danger!)
I'm a lesbian, so take this with a grain of salt if you want to, but I consider it a positive thing if its been awhile since the persons last relationship. To me that means they've spent the time working on themself, they know how to be happy without a partner, they've presumably worked on whatever caused their last relationship to fail and there's a higher chance of something healthy developing. To me, it looks a lot better than someo e who's had a string of failed relationships in their twenties.
This hetero woman agrees with Autumn. A period of singleness is far more positive than a constant revolving door of drama-filled relationships, again IME. I'd much rather date someone who has demonstrated that he can stand on his own two feet and enjoy his own company than who has to have a partner - ANY partner - around. I'd rather be valued for myself than because I'm generic girlfriend material to have around because someone can't bear to be alone.
99percentfake does bring up a good point: dependency and a lack of accomplishment in most areas of your life would be the dealbreaker for many people. Most men don't want to take care of a woman-child. If you live with your parents, have never lived on your own, and have never been able to hold down a job, that would give most people pause. But "dry spells" of not dating or having sex happen to more people than not (and more people than will admit it) - life is not a glossy sitcom where it's easy-peasy to meet adorable eligibles in funky cafes. Get out there and date and have fun!
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 9:20 AM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]
Plenty of people (including me!) are going, or have gone through, periods of celibacy or opting out of the dating arena, voluntarily or otherwise, for varying reasons. You don't owe anyone a long, detailed explanation. (IME it's a red flag if someone gets very pushy and insistent on digging into and discussing your past dating life and especially your sex life on the first few dates. Boundary-busting! Danger!)
I'm a lesbian, so take this with a grain of salt if you want to, but I consider it a positive thing if its been awhile since the persons last relationship. To me that means they've spent the time working on themself, they know how to be happy without a partner, they've presumably worked on whatever caused their last relationship to fail and there's a higher chance of something healthy developing. To me, it looks a lot better than someo e who's had a string of failed relationships in their twenties.
This hetero woman agrees with Autumn. A period of singleness is far more positive than a constant revolving door of drama-filled relationships, again IME. I'd much rather date someone who has demonstrated that he can stand on his own two feet and enjoy his own company than who has to have a partner - ANY partner - around. I'd rather be valued for myself than because I'm generic girlfriend material to have around because someone can't bear to be alone.
99percentfake does bring up a good point: dependency and a lack of accomplishment in most areas of your life would be the dealbreaker for many people. Most men don't want to take care of a woman-child. If you live with your parents, have never lived on your own, and have never been able to hold down a job, that would give most people pause. But "dry spells" of not dating or having sex happen to more people than not (and more people than will admit it) - life is not a glossy sitcom where it's easy-peasy to meet adorable eligibles in funky cafes. Get out there and date and have fun!
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 9:20 AM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: So many answers - thanks guys! I'm really relieved that this isn't the SUPER WEIRD thing I have always thought it to be.
99percentfake and Rosie M. Banks (hooray for the Wodehouse reference!): interesting points about a lack of achievement in other life areas - I own my apartment and have a good job, so it's a relief I don't have to worry about that!
posted by sockandawe at 9:59 AM on April 8, 2013
99percentfake and Rosie M. Banks (hooray for the Wodehouse reference!): interesting points about a lack of achievement in other life areas - I own my apartment and have a good job, so it's a relief I don't have to worry about that!
posted by sockandawe at 9:59 AM on April 8, 2013
Thanks for posting this - I enjoyed the answers greatly.
I am 29. Ok I'm gay but that's neither here nor there. I've been single forever, and also celibate in that time. I'm worried people are going to freak out about it when I tell them. I'm trying to go on a second date with this girl from OKCupid and I'm terrified of telling her.
But you know what, a lot of these people here are so right. The *right* person is not going to care. Hell, if I liked someone and they were single for so long, I wouldn't care in the least.
I keep trying to tell myself that whoever gets with me is a lucky girl - I've got no baggage or drama at all. No exes to worry about.
posted by christiehawk at 10:11 AM on April 8, 2013
I am 29. Ok I'm gay but that's neither here nor there. I've been single forever, and also celibate in that time. I'm worried people are going to freak out about it when I tell them. I'm trying to go on a second date with this girl from OKCupid and I'm terrified of telling her.
But you know what, a lot of these people here are so right. The *right* person is not going to care. Hell, if I liked someone and they were single for so long, I wouldn't care in the least.
I keep trying to tell myself that whoever gets with me is a lucky girl - I've got no baggage or drama at all. No exes to worry about.
posted by christiehawk at 10:11 AM on April 8, 2013
Hi! Just wanted to say that I am more or less in the same boat - 28, haven't ever had a serious relationship, etc. I did start dating someone a bit over a month ago, though, so I can say that some of your worries are not that big a deal. For the having dated anyone for a long time thing: I did end up telling the guy that, and he had what I thought was the perfect reaction: "but you're beautiful! you must just be really picky!" And the sexual inexperience thing: not a big deal at all, surprisingly.
posted by thesnowyslaps at 10:20 AM on April 8, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by thesnowyslaps at 10:20 AM on April 8, 2013 [1 favorite]
My husband got a late start to dating for some of the same reasons. He was honest about it when we met and it wasn't a big deal. I appreciated his honesty and didn't care who he had dated before. He made me laugh and he was hot;), so his history didn't matter so much. Also I kind of like being the only girl he ever really loved.
posted by bananafish at 10:25 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by bananafish at 10:25 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]
My boyfriend was single for 7 years before I met him. I don't care except to be sad that he was lonely. I just want to date him. It's fine, it happens, don't worry, you're not an axe murderer.
posted by windykites at 5:17 PM on April 8, 2013
posted by windykites at 5:17 PM on April 8, 2013
Many guys would be glad that you have high standards, like thesnowy said.
I have heard that match.com has more people looking for long-term relationships...it might work better than okcupid.
posted by sninctown at 5:40 PM on April 8, 2013
I have heard that match.com has more people looking for long-term relationships...it might work better than okcupid.
posted by sninctown at 5:40 PM on April 8, 2013
Seconding match.com--that's where I met my honey after a long, dry spell of about 12 years. Wasn't an issue; like was said above, people don't want to talk much about past relationships, anyway. And a good guy will understand that different people have different ways of doing things. Don't worry and good luck!
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 6:01 PM on April 8, 2013
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 6:01 PM on April 8, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by billiebee at 3:49 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]