Help settle a debate about a friend who ALWAYS flakes.
April 1, 2013 2:19 PM Subscribe
Friend Ay always looks forward to meeting Friend Bee. But Friend Bee changes her plans at the last minute at least 25% of the time. THIS time, however, Friend Ay was leaving to a different city to be with his ill grandfather. It may be a 4 day trip if the grandfather got better, and an unknown length of time had he passed away.
Ay/Bee made a plan to meet up the night before Ay's flight. Bee didn't inform Ay that she was canceling the plan. They did not meet.
Ay was livid. This had happened far too frequently, and the uncertainty of the duration of the trip made it all the worse. Bee profusely apologized; she realized the least she could have done is call and tell him.
Upon Ay's return, he met up with some other friends and saved up some time for Bee to meet him afterward. But Bee had already made tentative
plans with someone else, a coworker she sees every day.
Ay INSISTED that Bee cancel her plans with Cee; they'll see each other again tomorrow at work anyway and can resume their fun on any other night. Bee responded by saying that she can't cancel fixed
plans with someone else, even though that was exactly what she had done to Ay earlier in the week. Bee canceled on Ay, but would not cancel on Cee, even though Ay really wanted to talk.
posted by smersh to human relations (54 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
To add more to this story, Ay is leaving the country in 28 days. Perhaps for good. It is very likely that Ay and Bee will never meet again. Cee, on the other hand, sees Bee on a daily basis. They work together and will continue to meet up whenever they please. None of these three people are romantically involved.
Bee claims that Ay's last 28 days are of the utmost importance to her. Yet she has bailed on him one occasion, and refused to move a plan for the day of Ay's return for a man she can hang out with whenever she'd like. Ay stopped speaking to Bee, calling her selfish and stating that she has never made a gesture where his plans took priority. It always feels to Ay as though he's the back-up plan.
Was Ay right to ask for Cee's plans to be canceled, since Bee had no qualms about canceling Ay's plan in the first place?
If Bee's claims that Ay's final days truly are important to her, should she have rescheduled Cee?
Four nights have past; Ay and Bee have yet to meet, and Ay is only angrily texting her, telling her that he needs a gesture to prove the friendship isn't always on Bee's terms. Till date, Bee has not shown up to his doorstep (they live 7 minutes walking distance from each other) and does not believe a grand gesture is needed among friends. Ay's house is open to her 24/7, and she barely texts back when Ay gets heated and upset in their exchanges. In their last exchange, Bee switched off her phone intentionally.
Are Ay's requests of a grand gesture warranted, given the repetitive history of flakeouts? Is Bee possibly right in some way?
What is the best solution to this problem now that Ay doesn't believe she'll ever meet him on his terms? Give up the friendship and live on for the next 28 days? Figure out Bee's side of the puzzle?
What are the next steps?