How to tell an older couple that I think they're just awesome?
March 31, 2013 8:45 PM Subscribe
I'm casual friends with a wonderful couple. They're both about 15 years older than me. We're not really close friends and we only see each other about once a month, but I have a lot of respect and admiration for them, both individually and as a couple. They go above and beyond doing good deeds for people in our social circle, they mentor two teenagers, and they just seem like happy people who have it together. As a queer woman, I don't have a lot of models of great older women in healthy relationships, and they're exactly that! In thinking about what I want for myself in the future, I think about the lives they live and the kind of people they are. Is there a way to let them know how much I admire them without making a big, awkward deal about it?
Would it be bizarre to send them a card telling them that I think they're great and that I look up to them? If you and your significant other received such a card from a casual friend, how would you react?
If sending a card is not the right thing to do, is there another gesture that says "I respect and admire you two" that's not weird?
Would it be bizarre to send them a card telling them that I think they're great and that I look up to them? If you and your significant other received such a card from a casual friend, how would you react?
If sending a card is not the right thing to do, is there another gesture that says "I respect and admire you two" that's not weird?
using your words is the best! Send the card, state how you feel. If I were to receive that card, I would be thrilled.
posted by HuronBob at 8:51 PM on March 31, 2013 [10 favorites]
posted by HuronBob at 8:51 PM on March 31, 2013 [10 favorites]
Would it be bizarre to send them a card telling them that I think they're great and that I look up to them?
I don't think so. I think it would be wonderful. I try to make a habit of sending notes like this every so often. I've received some very nice emails and notes in the past, and they have always been tremendously welcome.
I sort of wish everybody would just get in the habit of telling each other how terrific they are. I think a lot of us go through life under-appreciated, by others and by ourselves.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 8:53 PM on March 31, 2013 [23 favorites]
I don't think so. I think it would be wonderful. I try to make a habit of sending notes like this every so often. I've received some very nice emails and notes in the past, and they have always been tremendously welcome.
I sort of wish everybody would just get in the habit of telling each other how terrific they are. I think a lot of us go through life under-appreciated, by others and by ourselves.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 8:53 PM on March 31, 2013 [23 favorites]
Ups to you, you sound like an awesome friend!
If you feel awkward about just sending a card out of the blue, you could always send one for an occasion, such as their anniversary, and then write a nice brief message inside about how much you look up to them.
posted by Broseph at 9:04 PM on March 31, 2013 [11 favorites]
If you feel awkward about just sending a card out of the blue, you could always send one for an occasion, such as their anniversary, and then write a nice brief message inside about how much you look up to them.
posted by Broseph at 9:04 PM on March 31, 2013 [11 favorites]
What Bunny Ultramod said.
I send these types of cards on a regular basis -- maybe one or two a month. And I can't tell you how many people have told me (at a much later date) that it made their day/week/year. People, in general, feel underappreciated, and I think the world would be a slightly nicer place to live if more people helped each other focus on the good stuff.
On the practical side, these notes I send to people are usually no more than 2-3 sentences on a small note card. Keep it sweet and simple.
posted by mild deer at 9:21 PM on March 31, 2013 [5 favorites]
I send these types of cards on a regular basis -- maybe one or two a month. And I can't tell you how many people have told me (at a much later date) that it made their day/week/year. People, in general, feel underappreciated, and I think the world would be a slightly nicer place to live if more people helped each other focus on the good stuff.
On the practical side, these notes I send to people are usually no more than 2-3 sentences on a small note card. Keep it sweet and simple.
posted by mild deer at 9:21 PM on March 31, 2013 [5 favorites]
Would it be bizarre to send them a card telling them that I think they're great and that I look up to them? If you and your significant other received such a card from a casual friend, how would you react?
Personally, I would indeed find it bizarre. I've had some interactions of the type you are considering - where a much younger woman praises me for being a good role model - and it creeps me out. It comes across (to me) with a vibe of "isn't it amazing that you're cool even though you're old?" Perhaps your friends wouldn't react like I would, but for me it would be strange.
posted by medusa at 9:44 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
Personally, I would indeed find it bizarre. I've had some interactions of the type you are considering - where a much younger woman praises me for being a good role model - and it creeps me out. It comes across (to me) with a vibe of "isn't it amazing that you're cool even though you're old?" Perhaps your friends wouldn't react like I would, but for me it would be strange.
posted by medusa at 9:44 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
Nthing everyone else!
I also do this with deeds, spoken compliments, and cards or emails regularly.
I think it is very healthy. And yeah, I always feel shy but appreciative when someone gives me a similar-type shout out!
I doubt I would be the person I like so much today if I had not noticed and modeled the people (younger and older) that I admire.
Good on ya!
posted by jbenben at 9:48 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
I also do this with deeds, spoken compliments, and cards or emails regularly.
I think it is very healthy. And yeah, I always feel shy but appreciative when someone gives me a similar-type shout out!
I doubt I would be the person I like so much today if I had not noticed and modeled the people (younger and older) that I admire.
Good on ya!
posted by jbenben at 9:48 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
Another vote (from an old lady) that a card would be lovely. It is very nice to know that the good you try to do is being emulated. One of the happiest moments in my life was being approached by a man in his twenties who told me that the things he had heard me say on the radio had influenced his life for the better and thanked me for it.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:35 PM on March 31, 2013
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:35 PM on March 31, 2013
I still remember the cards a couple of students gave me appreciating my help on their portfolio/resumes. and they weren't even women.
posted by infini at 1:56 AM on April 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by infini at 1:56 AM on April 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
Not only is it not weird to vocalize your feelings, it's a damned good habit to cultivate. Appreciation in the moment and without embarrassment is good for everyone. Speak it.
posted by FauxScot at 2:16 AM on April 1, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by FauxScot at 2:16 AM on April 1, 2013 [3 favorites]
Or even with embarrassment.
posted by Obscure Reference at 4:47 AM on April 1, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Obscure Reference at 4:47 AM on April 1, 2013 [3 favorites]
I'm older and if one of my young friends sent me such a card, I'd be touched.
I get little notes of appreciation here on the green and it warms the cockles of my heart.
Your genuine feelings can never be awkward.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:43 AM on April 1, 2013
I get little notes of appreciation here on the green and it warms the cockles of my heart.
Your genuine feelings can never be awkward.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:43 AM on April 1, 2013
If it were me, I'd try to phrase it as a thank-you card, rather than an "I admire you" card. I admit that "I admire you," while it would be lovely, might strike some people as hard to parse as a sentiment in a card. The risk is that if they don't understand the concept of an "I admire you" card, they might wonder whether they're missing something -- I might wonder that, you know? What brought it on, whether there was something you wanted me to read into it as far as you needed support or you were unhappy or you wanted me to reach out to you or something. Which doesn't make what you're suggesting weird, but it makes it something that might be misunderstood slightly just because it's unusual.
But everybody understands the idea of a thank-you note, so if you phrased it in terms of having been thinking a lot about them and how grateful you are for everything they do for other people and also how grateful you are to have them as friends, that would probably not seem odd at all.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 8:47 AM on April 1, 2013
But everybody understands the idea of a thank-you note, so if you phrased it in terms of having been thinking a lot about them and how grateful you are for everything they do for other people and also how grateful you are to have them as friends, that would probably not seem odd at all.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 8:47 AM on April 1, 2013
The older I get, the more comfortable I get telling people directly that I love or admire them. I have literally never had a negative response when I tell someone frankly what I like about them, or about the positive impact they've had on my life.
posted by latkes at 10:35 AM on April 1, 2013
posted by latkes at 10:35 AM on April 1, 2013
I have a lot of respect and admiration for them, both individually and as a couple. They go above and beyond doing good deeds for people in our social circle, they mentor two teenagers, and they just seem like happy people who have it together. As a queer woman, I don't have a lot of models of great older women in healthy relationships, and they're exactly that! In thinking about what I want for myself in the future, I think about the lives they live and the kind of people they are.
If I were to ever receive a card expressing this sentiment (or something similar), I would be flattered and honored. To help not make it awkward, avoid gushing too much. I think getting a nice blank card (not a greeting card) and writing basically exactly what you've told us here would be a really nice thing to do, and would make them feel really great.
posted by duien at 1:29 PM on April 1, 2013
If I were to ever receive a card expressing this sentiment (or something similar), I would be flattered and honored. To help not make it awkward, avoid gushing too much. I think getting a nice blank card (not a greeting card) and writing basically exactly what you've told us here would be a really nice thing to do, and would make them feel really great.
posted by duien at 1:29 PM on April 1, 2013
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posted by sebastienbailard at 8:46 PM on March 31, 2013