Will love tear us apart?
March 26, 2013 5:38 PM Subscribe
I'm experiencing a very tumultuous time in my relationship with my partner of 4 years. I don't know what part of our relationship problems are due to his ADHD, general depression on both our parts or incompatibility. Where can I go from here? What questions can I ask myself and him to get a clearer idea of the origin of our problem?
posted by anonymous to human relations (4 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
We have a history of being very loving and kind to eachother, but over the last 6 or so months our relationship has changed. Things that were once positive progressions towards marriage have now become burdens on him and he's expressing that he is giving up too much. I love him very much and he says he loves me, but I cannot tell if his lack of doing what he says and his hot and cold attitude towards me is him pulling away or a sign for me to break things off with him because he doesn't want to crush me. He and I are both in therapy now, although not couples therapy. Since he started he seems even more depressed, uncertain and not the person he was even 3 months ago. I haven't been in therapy as long as he, but I already feel more optimistic and know what I need to work on and working towards it daily. We talk about these things and the conclusion is generally unresolved and thrown back to perhaps we are just very damaged creatures. I want to get out of this pattern and support him while taking care of me. He seems to want to be alone to seethe in his sorrow.
Where can I go from here? What questions can I ask myself and him to get a clearer idea of the origin of our problem?