Putting out the fires
March 21, 2013 11:09 AM Subscribe
We have incredible sexual attraction and were best friends to boot, but nothing good will come of this. How to kill it off?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (24 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
We had incredible sexual chemistry unlike anything either of us had ever experienced. Something about him pinged every trigger I had, and vice versa. We were fantastic friends to boot but just plain miserable as a couple. We brought out the meanest, pettiest, fightiest parts of each other and we split up rather than stay in a beautiful-but-terrible, drama filled, love-is-madness-and-pain relationship. The breakup was amicable and I carry a lot of fondness for him and genuinely hope he finds someone who makes him happy.
He makes a living from the hobby that we both share, while I am not making money from it, I am at a semi-pro level and it is a passion that keeps me physically fit, mentally challenged, and personally fulfilled. We've both been working hard to maintain No Contact, I'm even moving apartments in part to reduce the chances of running into him in the neighborhood, but avoiding each other in the long run requires either moving out of state or one of us accepting serious setbacks in a major aspect of our lives.
I'm currently seeing someone else who is a much better (and healthier) fit for me. We have a lot of fun together and it's working out well. I heard through a mutual friend that he is also in a relationship and I honestly wish them the best. He had ceased to appear in my thoughts and my rational brain was back in charge, or so I believed.
A few days ago I ran into him in a chance encounter and the tension was sizzling. Lightning bolts fell from the sky and there was drunken euphoria on both sides. We hastily retreated to No Contact territory. Seeing him and feeling that familiar chemical cocktail of lust coursing back into my loins was a serious shock. Falling back into something with him would be a one way train to Bad Things, and I refuse to be a victim of my own hormones.
Even meticulously planning hobby events around each other's presence and studiously avoiding parts of town we'll still have the occasional sighting. What else can I do to kill this off? I'm already moving further away. I've put heavy restrictions on a serious hobby that represents an incredible amount of effort, dedication and commitment. I'm avoiding him on social media. Despite my fondness for him I've given up any real hope of remaining friends. I'm in a new, healthy, and happy relationship. I thought I was disentangled but was laughably mistaken, and I fear making the same mistake again.
Should I hire someone to dump cold water on me whenever I see him?
Enter witness protection?
Wear a shock collar and zap myself at the first sign of a libidinous thought?
How do I keep my brain in control?
More importantly, how do I know when it really is and when I'm deluding myself into thinking it is?