How can I move forward with having a second child when I don't want to?
March 13, 2013 6:54 AM Subscribe
Mrs. Spaulding (37) wants a 2nd kid yesterday. I was ambivalent about having #1 and I really don't want a 2nd. I have serious depression and anxiety and being a parent has been emotionally, well, bruising. Wife has made it clear she could not forgive me if we didn't have a 2nd and she would leave the marriage. Hive of parents with 2+ kiddos: help me see past my resentment & anxiety to a place where this will all be ok.
posted by spaldinggetyourfootofftheboat to human relations (58 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
This feels like the wrong set of reasons for me TO have a 2nd child.
Please any reluctant Dads (or moms or friends), help me see past the depression and anxiety to a way that this will all be ok. I need to know that this can get better.
I'm on meds but they only help so much. I know a LOT of our marital difficulties have stemmed from us being apart on this issue (my wife has been waiting for nearly 2 years and is about to kill me) and at least for her, the bad fog will lift once she's knocked up. For me its less clear. I've never had to do something so big that I didn't want to do and it worries me. And I've lived with this implicit threat of ending our marriage for 2 years and my depression got super bad during that time.
Sure we know we can do things different this time. We've been in couples' counseling for a year. We can possibly hire an au pair to cushion the baby blues & sleep insanity. We know a LOT going into #2 that we didn't before. We are better at getting to yoga, meditation, and seeing friends regularly, dealing with $ issues, etc.
What needs to happen for us to heal and move forward so we can have a good marriage with #2 and not end up with a roomate marriage. What do I need to let go of? What might help me feel better about this?
We are versed in Gottman, and some of the basics of Hendrix, etc....
thanks in advance.....