My Baby is Turning 21 and I Want to Give Her the BESTEST Gift Ever!

March 12, 2013 11:47 AM

My eldest daughter (known here as Kinetic Jr.) is turning 21 this month and I want to get her a memorable present. What would have been the BEST GIFT EVER when you turned 21?

Kinetic Jr.: works full-time as a veterinary surgical assistant, goes to college full-time, owns her own horse and ives with her girlfriend outside of Cambridge, MA. She's into yoga, running, and taking care of herself and others around her. She's into music, Arrested Development, classic TV comedies (think I Love Lucy), beaches and yes, partying.

For her actual birthday, she's been saving her money for months and is treating her friends and family to a dinner at Redbones (she is an absolute sweetheart), with wild bar-hopping in Cambridge and Somerville to follow.

Let's assume the best idea I've had so far is to give her $2,100. I hate this idea. I want to give her something really amazing; something she'll remember forever (I've already put together the Kinetic, Jr. birth-to-today photo album, but...).

When she turned 18, she got some heirloom-quality jewelry and a new Mac. Jewelry isn't really her thing (but she could use a new computer).

Help me, hive mind!

posted by kinetic to grab bag (42 answers total)

The best gift would be a new car, but that would run you ten or twenty times what you've budgeted.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 11:48 AM on March 12

My family chipped in and bought me a used car for my 21st birthday, and it was the best present ever.
posted by Specklet at 11:50 AM on March 12 [1 favorite]

Maybe a trip for her or her and her gf somewhere awesome, if she can get the time off from work/school?
posted by geegollygosh at 11:51 AM on March 12 [7 favorites]

I came here to say jewelry, so... A trip to somewhere on a beach? A week's rental in a beach community near Boston?
posted by BibiRose at 11:51 AM on March 12 [1 favorite]

Are there any bands that she likes playing in that area that you can get her tickets to? Maybe something like a town car or limo driving her and her friends to the show and back?
posted by nakedsushi at 11:52 AM on March 12

Or how about a really nice purse or handbag?
posted by BibiRose at 11:53 AM on March 12

It's going to sound really, really stogy, but a 6m-cd with the money at a local credit union. This would basically be an "emergency" fund, and honestly it would have been really really nice to have that kind of buffer in the bank at that age. A CD is a pain to break, but the money is there for when you need it. And make sure that there are no judgements or strings attached to how it can be spent.


Otherwise, plane tickets+ lodging to the location of her choice. or maybe 2 sets of plane tickets so that she and her partner can go on a proper trip together.
posted by larthegreat at 11:53 AM on March 12 [2 favorites]

Is there some item of furniture that she's been craving? Some family piece that means a lot to her?

I have a gorgeous handwoven rug that my mom gave me when I was around that age. I've dragged it all over, my kids crawled on it when they were babies, as have their kids. It makes any room feel like home. Something along those lines that will be with her forever will mean more than something that won't last more than a few years, and it needs to be something portable. The other two things that I totally cherish came from an aunt and a a great-grandmother, a tiny footstool and a small chest.
posted by mareli at 11:53 AM on March 12

Awww, what a good mom. I think a trip abroad would've been the best gift ever at that age... either that or some form of experience. Physical things come and go, but experiences last.
posted by julthumbscrew at 11:53 AM on March 12 [3 favorites]

A doubles massage for her and her partner at a really good spa? Maybe the spa is at an awesome hotel and a night reserved there + dinner?
posted by lil' ears at 11:54 AM on March 12 [1 favorite]

How about springing for a limo for her night of bar-hopping? That would be a fun treat and keep her safe.
posted by jaimystery at 11:56 AM on March 12 [2 favorites]

A car would be great but if she already has one, maybe you could offer to take over her payments for a few months? Or do the same with her student loans if she has any? Car insurance premiums for six months or a year? When I turned 21, helping my paltry cash flow would have been the nicest thing anyone could have done for me. My mom paid my car insurance for six months (not for a birthday, but for graduation, maybe?) and I still remember it.

I like larthegreat's idea of an emergency fund too. Or a trip, somewhere she's not likely to be able to afford to go on her own.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 11:56 AM on March 12

For the night of wild bar hopping, maybe get her car service, like a town car or limo, for worry free transportation?
posted by dottiechang at 11:57 AM on March 12 [1 favorite]

I like larthegreat's idea, and then nth the "travel somewhere amazing" thought.

If she doesn't already have a great camera, this would be a good time to get her one.
posted by batmonkey at 11:57 AM on March 12 [1 favorite]

Obviously this is outside the "gift" category, but when I turned 21, my parents sent me 21 birthday cards. Everything from the sappy ones with poetry and flower motifs to the tacky ones with a half naked dude on them. I don't remember what I got as a gift from them (probably cash), but I do remember the 21 days of stupid cards.
posted by phunniemee at 11:57 AM on March 12 [14 favorites]

but I do remember the 21 days of stupid cards

...fondly, I should add. It was hilarious.
posted by phunniemee at 11:58 AM on March 12

At 21 I would have loved money for the quintessential backpack-around-Europe trip or money invested in stocks for some cool tech companies.

(yeah, on the latter one-- I was a weird kid)
posted by joan_holloway at 12:01 PM on March 12

Either a used car, or a trip to Europe. The latter would be more unforgettable, but the former would be more practical.
posted by corb at 12:04 PM on March 12

Emergency savings fund. It will come into play sometime in the next ten years for sure.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 12:04 PM on March 12

Give her a thousand dollars plus an amazing thing that costs $1100. I vote for either the weekend away with the girlfriend, or taking her shopping for a really nice piece of furniture.
posted by chickenmagazine at 12:08 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

A piece of YOUR jewelry with sentimental value. Hands down the most meaningful gift I ever got from my mother. (A piece of art or tableware or a book or a knick-knack of yours with sentimental value would be similarly meaningful, as appropriate.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:10 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

You probably know this already, but it's very easy to burn through ridiculous amounts of money on horse-related stuff. Depending on what she's into with her horse and how serious of a rider she is, she may be interested in something along the lines of the boots that all the cool kids are wearing these days, and even just a mid-range new saddle can set you back $1500 or more. Those are ideas where you would need to discuss it with her in advance since there's such a range of options, preferences, and fitting issues.
posted by drlith at 12:14 PM on March 12

Keep them coming; I am delighted with the ideas so far!

Some more info: she has a used car that she loves, her grandparents got her a timeshare in the Bahamas when she was 18, and for Xmas I got her and her gf a spa weekend in the Berkshires.

I am loving the idea of airline tix and cash; we've been very lucky to have relatives in Maui send us out in the past few years and she loves it there. So maybe Hawaii...

...and it goes without saying that of course her pony will be getting a special pink glitzy new blankie. This horse is a fashion maven who we love to spoil rotten.
posted by kinetic at 12:16 PM on March 12

Plane tickets sound like way more fun than what I was going to suggest, but my parents opened a Roth IRA for me when I turned 21 and put about $1000 in it - I'm still adding to it today, and I KNOW I'll be grateful for it later. They occasionally put money into it on milestone birthdays, still. It's great.
posted by hungrybruno at 12:23 PM on March 12

While it's not the MOST FABULOUS gift ever idea, my best friend's mom sent each of her kids a huge box with 21 presents for their 21st birthdays and it was such fun to watch as my friend opened them in the dorm. Some sentimental, some funny, some necessary. It was cool to see their relationship come to life as she explained why her mom might have picked out each gift. The gifts were numbered in the order she wanted them to be opened, so you could always save the really awesome gift for the final package to be opened.
posted by icaicaer at 12:31 PM on March 12 [2 favorites]

Is she into yoga enough to enjoy a yoga retreat? I spent a week at Maya Tulum in the Yucatan and it was a wonderful experience. If you can find a good deal on a flight, you could definitely send her for five days and stay within your budget.
posted by peacrow at 12:33 PM on March 12

Maybe start an IRA for her? I'm 25 and my grandma did that last year and I'm trying to keep up with it out of a sense of duty even though I would so not be the type to do something like that on my own. I imagine I'll be stoked when I'm of a certain age.
posted by justjess at 12:37 PM on March 12

Some of the best, most meaningful, and most memorable gifts I've gotten have either been experiences or beautiful, high-quality, useful things. So a trip, heck yeah, but other examples of generous gifts that have made me very happy (and still do!) include: an expensive technical jacket I'd never have spent the money on myself; my first digital SLR; a well-made espresso machine I'd been coveting for years; a complete set of camping gear; a bicycle; a rare bottle of whiskey; a piece of art I've always loved but could never justify spending the money on.
posted by rhiannonstone at 12:44 PM on March 12

21 is the perfect age to have an amazing trip to Paris. Possibly with a very nice cashmere sweater or piece of luggage.
posted by snickerdoodle at 12:53 PM on March 12

$2100 is perfect for asking "so, where would you really like to travel to and have an adventure?"

"OK, let's go. Now."
posted by bfranklin at 12:57 PM on March 12

I would have wanted money-absolutely no question. Does she have student loans? I think if someone made a huge payment on my loans I would have died of happiness. Also at that age I would have loved a new laptop, or money towards a trip.
posted by murfed13 at 1:04 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

I swear one of the best gifts I got from my dad was a brand new set of tires. Yes it was a birthday present. It was awesome. I was in college and doing the summer internship thing and car maintenance beyond oil changes and cleaning was not high on my list. New tires are safer and you'll get better ones than she would get for herself.
posted by Feantari at 1:10 PM on March 12

At 21 I would have loved money.

Not the answer you want, but there you go.
posted by Windigo at 1:30 PM on March 12

Money. However, the 21-year-old me would have either spent it on something fleeting, or just living expenses, and 30 year old me with no retirement fund would wish I hadn't done that. The thing about being 21 is that you think spending money on "nice" things = being adult (Fun! Vacation! Dinner! Friends!), but the reality is she's still your baby and still needs a parent (oh dear, if my mother could hear me now...) -- I vote CD or IRA - something that she can't just spend frivolously, a "welcome to adulthood, start thinking about retirement" present (she also seems like she's pretty set up as far as material items goes, so it's not like there's some glaring item that she needs).
posted by melissasaurus at 1:30 PM on March 12

When I graduated from college my mom gave me a one ounce gold coin with a note telling me that she was giving it to me "so I would never be poor." It's weirdly symbolic and valuable at the same time. If I ever was in desperate straights I could sell it. Thankfully I've never gotten to a point where I've considered converting it to cash.

The coin she gave me is California themed which was part of the gift. I don't think a Krugerrand would have had the same emotional resonance. There are some pretty cool coins out there: Frilled necked lizards! the Pope! Andy Warhol! bunnies (no, really, bunny shaped "coins."
posted by vespabelle at 1:54 PM on March 12 [2 favorites]

For my 21st birthday, my mom gave me a necklace whose pendant was made from pieces of her original wedding ring with rubies (my birthstone) woven in. I've never been a gold jewelry person, but now that she's gone, I wear it almost every day and it is precious to me.
My parents also took me to dinner and a concert, and at dinner we all toasted with the same alcoholic beverage, which was cool since my dad doesn't drink very often.
posted by ApathyGirl at 1:57 PM on March 12

I think something frivolous and expensive that she would never buy for herself.
Something designer, handbag, luggage, shoes etc.
Or a really nice digital camera.
posted by Youremyworld at 4:28 PM on March 12

You say she's into music. You say you can / will spend up to $2100. You say that she has her own home.

My suggestion is to tell her to clear her calendar for a certain weekend, figure out her favorite indie band, and book them. Indie bands (and there are tons of great ones in that area) are big on house shows and all the ones I've put on in the god-forsaken Midwest were far, far cheaper than that. Use the leftover money for a keg or two. I know it sounds like a hard endeavor but if you've got a list of five indie bands she loves, I've no doubt you could very easily (with just an email or two) secure one of them.

We've been planning a show for my parents anniversary for years. If they ever did the same for me, I might just die of happiness.

If you need help or are looking for the email addresses of certain bands, feel free to memail me!
posted by youandiandaflame at 6:59 PM on March 12

Some beautiful wine glasses (stemless ones from riedel are very nice without breaking the bank).
posted by Night_owl at 10:20 PM on March 12

Does she cook? A set of Le Creuset pots would be pretty awesome.

I like the idea of giving her $1000 in cash and using the other $1100 for a great gift. That hedges your bets.

If she has a horse, she's probably pretty settled location-wise, so you could give her some really quality piece of furniture or art or a beautiful rug. Let her help pick it out if possible, or get her girlfriend to help you. My mother gave me a very expensive necklace for my 21st (which was sad in itself because I was dirt poor and struggling to even find grocery money and the necklace sat there and mocked me in its extravagance). But it wasn't my taste and I have never once worn it. And I can't sell it or otherwise get rid of it because I'd feel too guilty. So yeah, make sure if you get her something lasting it is totally the style she would buy herself.

To be honest, I wouldn't do the trip thing. You say she's been to Hawai'i multiple times, and has a timeshare in the Bahamas. I think a trip as a 21st gift is more of a wow to people who have never really travelled before, rather than something for people who already have travel as a way of life. Unless she has always sighed and dreamed of Paris, or something.
posted by lollusc at 2:50 AM on March 13

There was an AskMe a while back with a guy who bought one of those vending machines with the little plastic capsules that usually come with stickers/trinkets, and filled it with little presents for his wife to open whenever she felt she needed one. If someone did that for me I would plotz.

Would she be interested in a yoga retreat? Maybe somewhere exotic, if you want to include travel?

When I was 21 I was really excited about having my own apartment but couldn't afford any really nice furniture or decor--she's probably not in her "forever home" but a beautiful area rug or comfy leather armchair or a painting would be relatively portable and also help elevate the space.

My 21st birthday present was a pair of pretty but inexpensive earrings and an offer to fund my IRA for the year, since I was working but not able to save a lot. It wasn't the most sentimental gift, but it was really helpful, it helped establish a pattern of saving, and unlike most gifts, it's worth more now than it was then.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 8:24 AM on March 13

It's gonna be the vending machine filled with $ (we actually have one in the living room and she would plotz if she had her own), a few gift certificates and trinkets, a LeCreuset dutch oven and...

21 CARDS!!!!

Thanks to everyone.
posted by kinetic at 10:21 AM on March 13