I'm depressed and overwhelmed. I think this is primarily due to work pressures. Are these reasons to quit a job? What are some valid reasons? What should I be asking myself?
I am feeling so overwhelmed and tired and depressed about work. I keep on breaking down, and I am really struggling to stay afloat or stay focused. I get very depressed and don't feel like going on (I do have support mechanisms so this is not something that needs an intervention -- just trying to convey how depressed i am).
I keep on thinking about quitting. I honestly don't know what I want to do next - I've had several short term fellowships -- I don't think i've been stellar in those either, though I seem to have cultivated a successful-seeming narrative.
Issues that I've come up with so far:
1. not having health insurance
2. not having money (I don't have a lot of savings - maybe 10k? no debt. i live in an expensive city though)
3. supporting my mom (she's in her early 70s and has no retirement savings.)
4. concerned that I will just get further depressed, and become a burden on others
5. wondering what people will think of me
6. making a rash decision, not really having a good plan what to do
7. losing my friends? (fellow professionals)
Out of these, 3 worries me the most, followed by 4 and 7, i think.
I hate living so much some times that many of these start feeling moot.
Things that could be good that come out of this? Maybe?
1. it might force me to try something new and radical, and identify what i really want to do with my life?
2. give me an opportunity to do typical in-your-20s stuff -=- travel, working odd jobs, etc. (I was in grad school (PhD) through my 20s, and related 'alternative careers' since... to the point that i am somewhat viewed as an expert in career advice. funny, huh?
3. remove the persistent feeling that i keep on staying in these jobs like my current one because that's what i'm expected to do?
background: I've been like this for a long time (like this
) and sorta like this
), tend to be an overachiever and people pleaser, i am 33, boyfriend but no kids, have a Ph.D. (that i something think i did just because of parental pressure and question a lot), am making decent to above-decent money, and am in a career US gov job, so while i should be happy with what i have... yet here i am, feeling so so so stuck. feel free to tell me i'm being ungrateful... but please tell me ways i can try to reframe my thinking.
sorry for all the rambling. just feeling at wits end more and more. thank you.