dressing like a grown-up

September 3, 2005 11:05 PM

Fashion-eye for the middle-aged guy.

I'm 6'7, 230 lbs., 40 years old, and I dress like crap. T-shirts and walmart shorts. White tube socks and running shoes. I'm slowly morphing into a sad caricature of Suburban Man. I teach at a small college and don't want to do the anti-establishment river sandals and ideological t-shirt thing, nor do I want to look like an insurance salesman, or someone who's trying to hard to not be 40, if that makes sense. Oh, and I don't have loads of disposable income.

Suggestions on dressing up and specifically finding stuff that fits someone my size that doesn't look like it belongs to my father are greatly appreciated.

(I'm leaning toward owning fewer, higher quality, better-fitting pieces of clothing. additional complication: I'm going on weight watchers with my wife, but I don't really want to wait until I've lost 20 lbs.)

posted by anonymous to clothing, beauty, & fashion (22 comments total)

The bible.
posted by cribcage at 11:16 PM on September 3, 2005

I'll qualify this by saying that I don't fall into the big and tall category, but it appears Banana Republic has big and tall sizes available. It also appears they are having a sale this weekend. My god . . . I sound like a metrosexual.
posted by quadog at 12:30 AM on September 4, 2005

Is there a Big and Tall Man's store near you? If you are not ready for coat and tie, try polo-type shirts, knits with collars.
You should be comfortable enough, and the collar will give you a more finished look.
When you have lost the weight and exercised the flab away, you might find you have a greater interest in dressing more formally. A really well cut suit would look great on a man with your height.
posted by Cranberry at 12:37 AM on September 4, 2005

Buy jeans that fit you properly and are more expensive than Wal-Mart. You could start at say, Old Navy and work your way up from there. Buy leather shoes, brown or black. Try Clarks. Get some button-up shirts that have SQUARE bottom hems. You don't have to tuck these in, so they look dressed but not dressy. And put on some nice acessories: a nice leather belt, nice watch, and you're ready to go.
posted by slimslowslider at 1:10 AM on September 4, 2005

Also: pleats are the well-dressed man's enemy. No matter how slim (or not) you are, they make you look poochy. Flat-front trousers are the way to go!

Don't be afraid of some color in your shirts. French blue, apple green, and golden yellow are all striking, masculine colors that can really flatter.
posted by scody at 1:49 AM on September 4, 2005

Just to let you know, you're mostly tall, but you don't have too far to go to get rid of the big. Drop down to 221lbs and you'll officially be in the normal range. To get smack dab in the middle of the normal range, aim for 193.

I'm 5'9' at 175... and I have to get down to 147 to hit the middle of the normal BMI. We both have to get rid of just as much weight. I feel your pain.

My clothing recommendation is similar to what most have said. Go to a big and tall shop, hopefully an upscale one, and ask for advice. Let the salesman know what you're wanting to look for social-wise and he'll help you decide what to get style-wise.

Personally, slacks (khakis or black) and a simple button up shirt with the collar unbuttoned is a simple style that never goes out of style. Don't be afraid of color! Consider adding a simple sport jacket or a dark jacket. It will make you look pretty good and you can take it off when you want to.

Don't forget accessories. What do you carry your papers in? Old fashioned hard-shell brief cases are a bit less casual then you seem to want, but you should still consider style. Perhaps a leather soft-shell attache case. Or you can go with the messenger-bag style but made of leather.

Don't forget the shoes. Try Cordovan Cap-toed oxford shoes. They look good and go well with brown, khaki, or green. For black trousers, get black cap-toed oxford shoes. Never wear black shoes with khakis or brown shoes with black trousers! Make sure to get brown socks as well as black.

A round-faced watch with a leather band also looks good. Get a new belt with a silver buckle.

When the weather gets colder, if you wear a suit or sport jacket, get a cashmere jacket. If you are wearing just a button-up shirt, get a good Arbor coat.

Don't be afraid to go even dressier. The new classic is the black suit. It's slimming, and you don't have to button your shirt all the way to the top or wear a tie to look good in it. Toss on a black tie and you're ready to take your significant other to a nice dinner after work.

When you dress nice, colleagues and students will treat you with more respect and they will feel that you are more professional. This also helps when you ask for a raise.

Consider getting this book: Dress Smart for Men
posted by lockle at 4:11 AM on September 4, 2005

Ignore my comments about the coats. Looking back, they are "power coats". Besides, the spellcheck mangled the word "barbour".

Get a trench coat or a mackintosh coat.

Oh, and for jackets, I almost forgot. The Blue Blazer goes with everything

Best of luck!
posted by lockle at 4:16 AM on September 4, 2005

go to a Rochester Big and Tall (they're more upscale than the others i think) or a Nordstrom's and put yourself in their hands.
posted by amberglow at 6:00 AM on September 4, 2005

As a college professor I willing to bet that you have to carry at least one bag to and from work. Get a nice one like this. Also a simple white faced, analogue watch is always good.
posted by 517 at 7:13 AM on September 4, 2005

There should be a comma and an am in there.
posted by 517 at 7:13 AM on September 4, 2005

Start with a visit to Nordstrom's or some-such and get measured for your sizes--collar and cuff lengths, etc. Memorize these, never buy anything even a half-inch off. Lands End has quality clothing at fair prices, and allows a lot of size customization. Colorful dress shirts are great, but pick up a couple of white ones too for when you are in a hurry--white goes with everything.
posted by LarryC at 8:59 AM on September 4, 2005

Add my vote to quadog's for Banana Republic.
Upon graduation from art college last year, I realized that all of my clothes had paint on them, were essentially rags, and that I had purchased the majority of them while I was still in highschool. It dawned on me while I was interviewing for jobs, that it'd probably benefit me to dress like the responsible adult that I actually was. Having essentially bought no clothing for about 4 years, I didn't feel bad making up for lost time and spending a little extra money on clothes that I could keep clean and paint-free.
I've always been able to easily find clothes that look good and look good on me at Banana Republic and, on the whole, the quality of the clothing is worth the money. Shopping at Old Navy (despite being part of the same enterprise), I'd wear out 4 pairs of jeans in a year. But BR jeans have stood up to much more abuse. I haven't had to toss a pair out yet (or make paper out of them, either).

Also, The Men's Warehouse has some pretty decent business-casual clothing, too. They're helpful and friendly there.

lockle's advice of adding a sport coat to a casual get-up is VERY good advice. You can definitely show up to class wearing a nice pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and a well-cut sport coat. If I ever need to get a little dressed up for something, I'll just swipe the jacket from a suit in my closet and put it on with whatever else I'm wearing. It never fails.

517 recommends a decent bag, but for a little extra hipness (and infinite customization) check these guys out. My wife (well, in two weeks, she'll be) bought me one for my birthday and I love it. I can fit more in it than I can carry and it's indestructible.

I'll vote against pleated pants, too. Anyone who wears them looks like they're wearing a diaper. And anyone who'll say, "But they look good on me!" is in denial.
posted by Jon-o at 10:14 AM on September 4, 2005

(PS: The ReLoad bags that I link to are made by hand by good people, if you're into that)
posted by Jon-o at 10:17 AM on September 4, 2005

My husband is 6'7" and we always find wonderful work things for him from Eddie Bauer. Nice dress slacks. Khakis.
Blazers. Shirts. The look tends to be very classic, very sharp. Not too "flashy", not too stodgy. You can hit some nice sales for tall sizes.

(I know that Eddie Bauer says "Tall sizes for guys up to 6'3", but that isn't always true. He wears a Mens Tall 40, so it really depends on the guy.)

It isn't always reflected in their online stores, but some larger department stores (Marshall Field's for example) carry their own brands in Tall sizes. Although their gear tends to be more casual, REI stocks Tall sizes in some items and these are actually easier to find in their catalogs/online. (And the way their site is set-up, you can select "Tall" in their size finder and it will pull up all men's clothing in that size.) Occasionally, they will offer shirts, slacks and coats that are a little more business casual.
posted by jeanmari at 10:56 AM on September 4, 2005

I will pass on what someone here recommended to me when I posed the question about buying good fitting pants: Target has custom shirt and pants online AND at a really good price.

BTW, I don't buy into the "no pleats" dictum. I went to a good tailor and he told me that, given my body shape, a well-tailored pleated pant would fit me much better. I tried on both non-pleats and pleated and he was most definitely right.

Make friends with the tailors at Nordstroms (just go into the Men's Dept, try on a good pair of pants and ask to speak to the tailor).
posted by Taken Outtacontext at 11:22 AM on September 4, 2005

If you're willing to buy, say, 10 dress shirts, made-to-order would also be a good option. Especially post-weight-loss.
posted by Kwantsar at 12:13 PM on September 4, 2005

I second the 'pleats are ok'. I always feel wrapped too tight in flat slacks, and at near 6' and 170lbs I am not a heavy.
Most black slacks look like every other pair of black slacks... three pairs of dockers and rotate them.
Proper dry cleaning and care has allowed many of my dress clothes to last 10+ years and still look near new. A singular trip in a commercial washer is all it takes to remove the sheen from a nice shirt, and there is no way I would every put dress pants in a dryer either. Investment is a good word to describe the dry cleaning / professional laundry expense for your new threads.
posted by buzzman at 5:50 PM on September 4, 2005

Whether or not something like pleats, stripes or bold colors is right for a person depends entirely on that person. I'd suggest finding a tailor (they are not very expensive) and have him advise you on what would fit and what wouldn't. In a pinch a men's specialty shop like Men's Wearhouse will do, (until you find your own tailor).

I would stay away from the Gap, Old Navy, and Express for men (formally Structures). The quality of their clothing is atrocious. Very little of what you buy there will last more than a year with normal wear. Banana Republic is a Gap store also but it's quality is a little better. The problem is that with the prices you pay there you can get tailored clothing which will be much nicer. All in all, I find Perry Ellis Outlets to be the perfect blend of fashion and comfort. Everything there looks good and the outlet prices are really great.

I would suggest two pairs of good leather shoes (one brown, the other black) and a matchign belt for each. As many slacks as you see fit (I'd go with five pairs so that you can wear them without repeating). Get then in shades of tan (it matches everything). Finish it off with some short sleeved button-down shirts. (If you don't want the tucked in look, it is relatively easy to find the square cut variety that is meant to be worn untucked.) These can have a mild stripe but avoid garish or bold patterns. Strong colors in a wardrobe can be nice but only if you are completely comfortable wearing it. If you aren't comfortable sporting pink, purple or lime green, you'll look it. Almost nothing looks worse than someone uncomfortable in their clothing.

And don't forget that you could always ask colleagues (who you think dress well) where they shop. I do this all of the time. There is no better way to spruce up your look than to emulate someone who already dresses well.

Finally, I'll reiterate my earlier suggestion to find a tailor. Anything you buy today (if it is of good quality) will be adjustable by the tailor when you've lost those twenty pounds, and the comfort of tailored clothing can't be beat.
posted by oddman at 10:04 PM on September 4, 2005

Oh god, whatever you do, please don't wear short-sleeved button-down shirts.

I'm not a guy, but I shepherded an ex-boyfriend through a change like this once, and it was fun for both of us. He was a big guy, too, and a recovering printed-t-shirt addict.

In general, I advise you to move really slowly, especially since your size will be changing. Also, you don't want to startle your colleagues. Work up gradually to dressing well.

For example, you could start by buying some nicely made plain cotton t-shirts and polos in dark solid colors; I'm thinking navy, charcoal, maybe a dark burgundy if it suits you. I wouldn't get into woven cotton shirts just yet; if you haven't been wearing them all these years, the ironing and worry about spillage is probably too much to think about all at once.

Also get several pairs of comfortable, nicely made pants in shades of khaki and charcoal. They don't have to cost a fortune, especially now while your size is changing, but get them from a real store. Much of the advice in the thread about sources is good. But do try things on. Since you're new at this, try at least four or five pairs of pants for every pair you buy. Don't order anything online until some future time when you're very sure about size and fit.

There's good advice in this thread about shoes, belts, a nice analog watch, and a good-looking bag for your stuff. With the exception of belts, they aren't size-dependent, and you can have fun shopping for them over time. They'll make a big difference.

You'll need some kind of a jacket, but the specifics depend a lot on your work environment and climate. You're in academia, right? A tailored sport coat can wait till you have a little more confidence and a better sense of fabric and fit. Meanwhile, for the time being you can probably get away with something like a nice barn jacket. It'll be cheaper, too.

Also, recognize that you'll make some mistakes; even a competent salesman or wife will talk you into a dud now and then. It's okay. Live and learn.
posted by tangerine at 10:34 PM on September 4, 2005

Tangerine, what's wrong with short-sleeved button-downs? In an academic setting they are very common.
posted by oddman at 7:52 AM on September 5, 2005

Get some basics.
*Target is a great idea. For shirts and Knit tops-- they have extended sizes in all their basics. They are well made. and very affordable.
*A well fitting pair of jeans, in the correct (dark) finish from Banana Republic, A pair of flat front khakis 100% ( dockers are just OK, but they do have tall sizes)

Everyone had good advise. The pleat thing is tricky. I'd say no pleats, but only because they are out of fashion right now.
Shoes-- you are only 40, so I'd go hipper on the shoes. Right now I'd get a pair on all black converse.http://www.classicsportshoes.com/con-55684.html And wear them with the khakis, and a black Polo from Target.
The jeans I'd wear with a white polo from Target.
Wear a denim Jacket (Levi) with the khakis and a black zip front rib sweater (again from Banana Republic) with the Jeans.
Get the watch, and the Filson bag as mentioned earlier.
posted by walk7818 at 8:08 AM on September 5, 2005

I'm 5'9 and about 210 lbs, I go shopping for clothes quite often, and I almost never see decent dress pants in my size (38) that are not pleated. They add some vertical line to a bulky frame and make it more comfortable (and the pants more durable) for when you sit down. Flat fronts on a fat guy make the vast horizontal expanse all that more obvious. I think that 'no pleated pants' is one of those rules that is followed and argued more because it's canonized than because it actually makes sense.

I also second cribcage's rec at the top of the thread. There's no other book quite like it.
posted by bingo at 8:57 AM on September 5, 2005