I am not a snob!
February 18, 2013 7:36 PM Subscribe
I feel as though my classmates and friends think that I'm a snob that silently judges them based on their intellect. However, I love my friends and classmates so much because they are wonderful, warm, hilarious, dedicated and intelligent people! How do I let them see this?
posted by krakus to Human Relations (29 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I've had several friends and classmates joke or imply that they feel as though I'm judging on the basis of their intelligence. Just recently I was hanging out with some close friends when one of them joked, "Oh, krakus probably won't think ___ is intellectual enough for her." The same friend also immediately joked that I probably need a couple beers in me to have some fun. Another friend immediately defended me, someone else remarked that the comment about the beers was condescending, and the subject was dropped. I should mention that otherwise, I get along really well with the friend that made the jokes, and for what it's worth, he invited me to hang out the next day. I should also mention that he and I are "new" friends and we are just really getting to know a lot about each other.
That said, I've gotten that sentiment from a lot of my less-close friends and from classmates. This is just the first time someone's said it in words to my face; I suspect that he only did so because he felt comfortable enough in our friendship to speak his mind. I don't hold it against him at all, honestly. I'm not angry with him or at all annoyed; he is an otherwise great friend. Rather, I'm more concerned with myself that I'm projecting a negative aura. I suppose that the reason I am so concerned is that I am so surprised. My friends always remark about how I'm always so cheery and friendly. I consider myself (and have been told by many people that I am) very unthreatening - I am small, I have a decidedly un-scary voice, and I smile a lot (in a nice way, not a demeaning way). Most importantly, I think that I am not at all a judgmental person; I’ve lived abroad for a long time with so many different kinds of people in so many different situations that I’ve learned quite clearly that judging people is awful and absolutely counter-productive.
I suspect that the fact that my classmates and friends are all seeing me in an academic setting that they perceive as competitive is what makes me seem like an intellectual snob. I wonder if it's the competitive, high-pressure academic setting that brings out their suspicions of snobbery. All of us are in a rigorous program to which we are all new; insecurities are high among all my classmates (myself included). I do participate in class a lot, but it's only out of a love for school and learning. When I feel like I'm preventing others from speaking or otherwise detracting from the classroom by talking, I shut up. (I am very mindful of this.) Yes, I am intelligent, and maybe I am more intelligent than some of my classmates and friends, but only in an academic sense. All of my classmates are insanely talented musicians, athletes, thespians, and writers, whom I deeply admire. I think that they all have deeply interesting perspectives and I love hearing what they have to say. I am also not the kind of person who likes to only talk about "intellectual subjects" all the time outside of class - I enjoy gossip, shopping, and the like just like any other girl. How do I get them to see this?
(I am most likely being overly sensitive here, but this has been eating at me for awhile and I'd like to get to the bottom of it or at least learn how to deal with it.)