How soon is too soon to vacation without baby?

February 12, 2013 5:54 PM

How soon is too soon to vacation without our 1-year-old baby? And what tips can you give us if we have the guts to go?

My husband and I have a delightful 1-year-old daughter. My folks have graciously agreed to watch her this weekend so we can go to Miami for vacation. The plan is that they will fly in to DC on Thursday, practice with her on Friday, and we'll fly to Miami on Saturday mid-day. We fly back Tuesday mid-day. They fly out Wednesday. My folks are older, but they know the routine and she loves them and is comfortable with them.

We're scared to death and are starting to dread the trip even though it sounds fun and romantic and nostalgic and just awesome. We're worried it's too soon. We're worried she'll miss us in a general angsty sort of way. We're worried about something terrible happening. And we're worried my breast milk will dry up altogether (I currently nurse her everyone morning but my supply has been dwindling - I estimate she is getting about 2 ounces. My previously abundant supply really dwindled when I went back to work 6 months ago, despite pumping 3 hours a day to try and keep up.)

Plan B is to do staycation in DC - we would stay at a hotel at least one night and would do things like dinners and massages and movies while my folks are here to babysit. But it sounds like a cop out and because my folks are older we're not sure how much longer we'll have this opportunity so it seems like we should carpe diem. And I think if we're at a hotel in DC, I'll just want to be home kissing my baby. And we do believe in the value of adult, romantic time and Miami seems to tick taut box better.

When is too soon to go on vacation without your kid? If we do go, do you have any advice? We'll be leaving detailed instructions and showing my folks the ropes. I'll be pumping every morning, for what that's worth.

posted by semacd to grab bag (21 answers total)

Go. Use the time to rest and relax and reconnect. Your parents did a great job raising you, right? So they are old hands. (My mother's grandchildren keep her young!)

And bring a laptop or iPad with Skype on it and check in daily.
posted by mochapickle at 5:59 PM on February 12 [2 favorites]

I think the key is your comfort level. If you're feeling anxious about it, what about a getaway within driving distance? That way you'd know that you could get home if you needed to, but it would still be more of a vacation than a staycation. Maybe Philly? Richmond? Williamsburg?
posted by msbubbaclees at 6:04 PM on February 12

You need a vacation! Take it!
posted by radioamy at 6:07 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]

I babysat my brothers 9 month old baby (and her two older brothers) for Friday night through Sunday night when they went away for the weekend. She didn't even seem to notice they were gone.

What went wrong for me: I was also staying at their house to babysit, didn't know the area and couldn't drive, and first thing Saturday morning I realised the house was out of toilet paper so had to walk half a mile to the nearest store with a stack of kids in tow. Stock up on toilet paper for them, and leave a map with the nearest store marked.
posted by jacalata at 6:09 PM on February 12 [3 favorites]

We did our first trip when our baby was about 16 months old (after we'd weaned her). If she were willing to take the bottle, or I'd been better with the pumping, we would have done it sooner.
posted by snickerdoodle at 6:13 PM on February 12

Awesome. Have a great time. I particularly recommend having a lazy breakfast in bed. Those rock.

Plan B is the total wimp plan. Get yourself to Miami!
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 6:14 PM on February 12 [2 favorites]

I think a year is a good age to leave a baby with their grandparents- there isn't much heavy lifting and not a ton of activity or tantrums (relatively speaking) She will be fine, and it will help her to have a sense of trust of other people. It is very hard to leave a child for the first time, and you will miss her terribly, but that doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to do. One thing that helped my younger daughter adjust when I wasn't around was for me to leave a shirt of mine that I wore for a long time without washing- my mom would wear it when putting my daughter to bed and the smell helped her settle. You can do this- and the sleep you will get will alone be worth it- not to mention the one on one time with your partner.
posted by momochan at 6:26 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]

Go. You will be angsty, she will miss you, and it won't be your best vacation ever. But you will have done it, and when you get back and all is well, you'll be ok with planning your next weekend away, and each little mini-vacation will be better than the one before. Which is a pretty great thing for a marriage!

Each time you go away you will worry about your child -- I worry when my 19-year-old doesn't text me to check in, and when my 17-year-old has the car. You birthed a child, worrying is part of the package. But it's good for you, it's good for your marriage, and it's good for your kid to have breaks.

I would suggest developing friendships with other like-minded parents who have kids your daughter's age. As you say, your folks are older, but also it will be fun as your daughter gets older to have sleepovers with friends when you have parents' weekend. And you can trade off with those parents.

Have fun!
posted by headnsouth at 7:30 PM on February 12

If your main concern is that your daughter will miss you, that doesn't seem likely for a one-year-old.
posted by Dansaman at 9:09 PM on February 12 [1 favorite]

A year is not too soon for your child to spend a couple days with the grandparents.

The first time you leave your child in someone else's care, it's really tough. Your response is totally normal, and I completely understand the urge to stay close by. However, I would advise you to go to Miami. Save the hotel staycation for when someone else watches the baby overnight.

Having parents or other caregivers who can watch the kid for a couple days, with whom the child is comfortable, and who are glad to take on this responsibility? That's a fantastic resource. You and your partner should make use of that by going out of town and focusing on each other.
posted by dubold at 1:02 AM on February 13

Leaving a kid with a stranger babysitter for a weekend is very different than leaving a kid with their grandparents for a weekend. My parents would take a yearly trip to Montreal and leave us with our grandparents and we are none the worse for wear. Miami is a bit further but it is still only half a day away. Have fun in Miami sipping Mai-tai's in a pool and lounging around in bed instead of having to get up.
posted by koolkat at 1:46 AM on February 13

Missing two feedings after nursing for a year is not going to make your milk supply disappear completely.
posted by steinwald at 5:35 AM on February 13

At that age, I spent 28 hours away from my daughter, leaving her at home with my husband/her father. At nursing time that night, she cried so hard she injured herself. The two of them were positively miserable. After that, I didn't leave her for many, many years; she always traveled with us (and we took her all over, so I never felt deprived).

I can't speak for you, and you know your child and your parents well. My personal choice would be the hotel in D.C., as a test run if you intend to vacation without her.
posted by Capri at 6:05 AM on February 13

Could you compromise and do a vacation in driving distance? Knowing that you can hop in the car and be home in 4 hours might help you relax and enjoy and not need to actually go back.
posted by Salamandrous at 6:51 AM on February 13

We left our 13 month old for a WEEK with grandparents to take a cruise in 2011. We made sure everyone was well aware of his routine and he still went to daycare so that he had that normalcy. He also was well acquainted with both sets of grandparents who were taking care of him and staying in his own home/bed. He did just fine - although the grandparents were pretty tired.

We had a fabulous time recharging and enjoying each other's company. I think a weekend should be very doable.
posted by Leezie at 7:19 AM on February 13

Just another datapoint on the nursing: I tried to wean my 2-year-old and we went 4 days without nursing at all. My milk supply was not decreased in that time (after 4 days we gave in and started nursing again).

You know your baby best; do you think she'll be OK with it? 1 year olds are kind of hard, because they're still kind of babies, but they're also definitely understanding more about what's going on around them and it can be difficult to really know how they'll react to things. I think, if she's already really comfortable with the grandparents, she'll be OK. I can't remember when my kid started understanding the concept that people and things can go away and come back, but I think that's the issue, right? That she might think you've abandoned her? Does she go to daycare? If she does, she's probably already got this concept in her mental toolbox.

You probably won't scar her for life if you go. But if you spend the whole time worrying, is it worth it? You know yourselves best; do you think you can get to the point where you know in your hearts that everything will be OK, and just relax? If so, I say go. If not, you might have a more enjoyable time doing a "staycation" with day trips.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 7:36 AM on February 13

Go for it.

We left behind three kids PLUS an eight week-old to go to New York for the wedding of my wife's college roommate. We dashed down, stayed overnight with one of my old friends (who was quite understanding), and then raced home.

Of course, she was a bottle-feeder, which made it slightly easier.

My in-laws looked a little fried when we returned, and we missed the Baby while we were away, but we were all glad we did it. (Except maybe the older kids, who were pissed they had been dumped. Whatever, kids.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:00 AM on February 13

My husband and I took our first non-baby trip when our firstborn was just about 14 months old. He had just weaned and I was a hormonal wreck. He stayed with my mother-in-law for four days and I was so worried about everything.

We left him early in the morning. I wept on and off for the rest of the day (even on the plane! And while checking in to the hotel!) and then I went to sleep. And oh my god I slept for like 13 hours. It was beyond glorious. I still missed him like crazy but we had a really good time. He was happy to see us when we picked him up and didn't stop "talking" for a good hour.

It was really good for all of us. Go. Have a good time. Don't put pressure on yourselves to have the BEST. TIME. EVER. Relax, eat good food, read books, sleep, talk, play board games, whatever. This is as much a benefit for her as it is for you.
posted by cooker girl at 8:03 AM on February 13

We left our one year old twins with family for a weekend to attend an out of town wedding. It was amazing to get good sleep for a couple nights. Do it!
posted by look busy at 9:45 AM on February 13

We left our daughter with my parents when she was about 11 months old, for a weekend. I was so worried, and I trust my parents implicitly. Just so many what-ifs and I was also worried that she'd think we had abandoned her. I called them a lot to just check in and she was always fine.

She had a blast and so did my parents. I missed her so much but I also had a great time having fun with my husband (we went to a wedding, where some other guests had brought their kids who were tired and losing it by the end, and we high-fived that we could stay out as late as we wanted! and drink as much as we felt like! wooooo!)

Go to Miami. Have a great time. If your parents have smartphones, ask if they can send a pic every now and then - my mom does that when she watches my kids and it always makes me feel better.
posted by sutel at 11:55 AM on February 13

I wouldn't worry too much about the baby. I would worry more about the grandparents! Taking care of an active one year old is tiring!

Nevertheless, I personally would choose the staycation because getting on a plane for 3 days doesn't really seem worth it. You could use the airfare money to get really fancy in DC. Or save it for more frequent babysitting.
posted by pizzazz at 1:26 PM on February 13