He needs a good home, but should it be OUR home?

February 9, 2013 4:59 PM

Everybody recognized that it was a bad idea for Mr. and Mrs. X to get a dog except for them. Now they've figured it out and their dog is living a mostly crated, resented, crappy life. The Breav family already has a dog, a 10 year old territorial hound mix who only has one canine friend in the universe. Is there a way for me to make space in this old canine crank's heart for a younger adopted brother, or would we be moving Dog X from one crappy life to another?

I haven't spent a lot of time with young Dog X but I know he is submissive in general and gentle with the three small children of the X family. The last time I saw him I tried to take him for a walk and it was apparent that he is walked infrequently. The X home doesn't have much of a yard where he can run around. He's still puppyish and not well trained, so the aggravated Mr. and Mrs. X keep the dog crated a lot of the time. All this adds up to fat Dog X. Mr. and Mrs. X are talking about sending the dog back to the breeder, but I told Mr. X, my relative, that Mr. Breav and I would discuss adopting the dog.

Reasons to take the dog:
We like dogs, feel bad for this dog who is in a situation not of his own making. We would be responsible dog owners for this dog.
We have space here and a dog friendly yard.
We do not have small children (we have large children, but they're not here much anymore).
I work from home and am here most days.

Big reason to not take the dog:
The much loved and generally well behaved canine who lives here doesn't like other dogs, especially other dogs on 'his' yard. I tried to socialize him at the dog park but he hated it. At best, he would sniff around by himself and ignore the other dogs. At worst, he was a big dog jerk. At 10, I don't anticipate much of a personality transplant. He tolerates only one dog, my friend's tiny poodle. The four of us gradually started walking together, dicey at first but now they are side by side without incident. On occasion we sit together in my friend's back yard but we haven't invited the poodle to our yard because of the size difference. I don't want the poodle to be an experiment.

My inclination would be to socialize the two dogs in the same manner of walking, transitioning to more meetings and visits, but the distance between the X and Breav houses makes this impractical. We thought we'd have longer to think about it, but recent FB postings by Mrs. X indicate that this poor dog's days in their home are numbered.

Mr. Breav is not in love with this idea, and he points out that this puppy is not destined for the pound/euthanasia. As destinations go, back to the breeder is not too terrible an option for Dog X. I will not adopt this dog against Mr. Breav's wishes, but we are still in discussions and he has an open mind.

So I guess this is a two part question... should we adopt this dog and if so how do we make it work? We are not people who consider dog adoption to be a temporary arrangement.

This is long and I apologize for that. Thank you for reading all the way to the end.

posted by Breav to pets & animals (11 answers total)

If you came across this dog at the breeder's, would you adopt him? In other words, do you actually want to adopt another dog, and would it be this dog, independently of the fact that your friends currently have him?

I don't think so, from the sound of it.

I think you should let him go back to the breeder. As your husband points out, that is not like a pound, nor will it lead to him being euthanised. He will end up with another family, or stay with the breeder, and probably be happy there. I think your judgment is being clouded by the fact you can provide a better home than your friends can. But there are many people who can probably provide an even better home than you, with your grumpy dog, can.
posted by lollusc at 5:17 PM on February 9 [3 favorites]

It sounds like you would be a better home for the dog, but not the best home for the dog, and it will probably make your current dog unhappy. Let the breeder take him back and find that best home.
posted by restless_nomad at 5:30 PM on February 9 [2 favorites]

No, you should not adopt this dog. You should allow the breeder to place the dog with a family specificly selected to meet his needs.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:41 PM on February 9

This doesn't sound like it's the right dog for you or the right time. Your next dog will find you when the time is right and it will be this sort of instant, indelible thing.

And it helps that the dog is still young and the breeder is willing to rehome him. Alternately, there are breed-specific rescues out there that attract people who understand and love the specific breed. If the dog were a senior or special needs dog with a low chance of being rehomed, that changes everything and I'd encourage you to go for it.
posted by mochapickle at 5:42 PM on February 9

I have a very sweet, dear 12-year old medium-sized dog and he freaks out every time the neighbor's dog even gets close to the fence. Please, for your dog's sake, don't make him freak out.
posted by lineofsight at 6:01 PM on February 9

Normally my soft heart would be telling you to welcome the dog with open arms, but I think in this case, your current dog has earned his place in your home and deserves to spend his golden years as the center of your doggy attention without the added stress of someone else whizzing in his yard and vying for your ear scratches. If he liked other dogs and would find it fun, I'd say go for it since younger dogs can sometimes energize older dogs, but given that's not the case, I'd stick with the one you have.
posted by cecic at 6:33 PM on February 9 [1 favorite]

Seconding every bit of advice above. Unless you would be willing to foster this pup with a certain adopter in mind, don't bring him home.

Hopefully, this pup will find his true people, and the Xs won't bother making another pup's life miserable.
posted by BlueHorse at 7:10 PM on February 9

Most dogs I’ve known don’t like strange dogs showing up at their house, and most of my dogs would be total disasters at the dog park. But they get used to things, and when the other dog becomes part of the pack and "belongs" there things are different.
posted by bongo_x at 7:31 PM on February 9

I have seen two older dogs die in spirit when another dog was brought into their happy homes. Both were younger dogs, too, and vastly more energetic than the older dog, and it seems that young dogs just want to displace older dogs, if they can get away with it.

Both times the younger dogs put the older dogs off their food, they'd literally chase them off their food -- I'd have tossed either of those younger dogs over the fence with a song in my heart. Of course it wasn't the younger dogs fault, just doing what dogs do, but it literally broke the older dogs spirit, and they'd earned their years by the hearth, just like your pooch has.

Esp since there is a good option for this dog, let it go; there will be a fine dog come along when it's time for you to have another.
posted by dancestoblue at 9:05 PM on February 9 [1 favorite]

What everyone else has said.

Old Dog should have the rest of his years be as peaceful as you can make them. Young Dog will go back to the place he remembers (at least through scent, anyway) and he'll find the home that's more suited to him. Your heart is absolutely in the right place, but you'll do both the dogs a service if you leave the status quo alone.
posted by wolfgirl at 9:58 PM on February 9

Thank you all for very sound advice.

Better home yes, best home no. Dog X deserves more than we can provide. Cranky Dog Breav has earned and will keep his indulged lifestyle.
posted by Breav at 9:05 AM on February 10 [1 favorite]