Black Party Etiquette

February 8, 2013 5:50 AM

My boyfriend and I are thinking about going to the Black Party at the Roseland for the first time. Our best friend, a girl, REALLY wants to go with us. Do other girls attend or is that a buzzkill to see a girl there? Do lesbians go? Or will she get sneers for being the only girl at a big, gay circuit party? The expo seems a lot more co-ed, but she's more intersected in the main event. Has anyone been that could share the vibe?
posted by gpoint to society & culture (3 answers total)

Is she ready to get a graphic education? The Black Party is half dance-floor and half back-room, as far as what is going on at any given moment. I haven't been in years, but I know guys have gone in recent years that confirm this. I don't remember seeing any women, but I'd question whether she would really be comfortable there. I'd also think about how her presence may affect you and your boyfriend's experience. I'm not saying you two are going to get up on the stage for one of the 'demonstrations' but you may feel reluctant to watch, or wander, if you feel you need to stick with her the entire time.
posted by juggler at 7:38 AM on February 8 [1 favorite]

This article suggests there may be a few women there.

Speaking as a woman who is deeply involved in a predominantly gay male subculture, I would ask your friend some questions:

Why does she want to go to the Black Party? What's her connection to the subculture out of which the Black Party arises? Has she spent time in gay men's sexual spaces? Does she know the norms and etiquette of leather culture? Is she prepared for the reactions of men who may see her presence as a disrespectful invasion?

If she is connected to the culture, familiar with its norms, has her own social contacts there besides you, and is psychologically prepared for the experience of being one of a small handful of women in a space that is highly charged with gay men's sexual energy, then go for it.

But if she's essentially coming as a tourist, then she should pick a different party.

(Personally, I would think long and hard before attending the Black Party. If I did, I would dress in full leathers or some other culturally congruent non-femme drag; I would be as polite and unobtrusive as possible; and I would stay out of the areas where sex was happening unless I was planning to play.)
posted by ottereroticist at 10:30 AM on February 8

On further consideration:

(Personally, I would think long and hard before attending the Black Party. If I did, I would dress in full leathers or some other culturally congruent non-femme drag; I would be as polite and unobtrusive as possible; and I would stay out of the areas where sex was happening unless I was planning to play.)
posted by ottereroticist at 12:05 PM on February 8 [1 favorite]