Is it over already?!
February 5, 2013 5:07 AM Subscribe
Over the weekend, I turned down an invitation to a birthday party (from a man I've been seeing for 3 months) because I wasn't actually invited to it by the girls who held it. It just so happened to be one of several incidents in which I have turned him down for weekend festivities. Now he seems to be ignoring me...or am I going crazy?
posted by 01080591 to human relations (59 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Backstory: I have been working at a very small company with 10-15 people. Over the past months I have come to be quite close with some of my colleagues here. And through their introduction and encouraging, I started going on dates with one of my colleague's (B) roommates and best friends A, and things have been going very well between me and A for the past 3 months. We have gone on many dates, to concerts, and hung out at his place. Since I also work in a particular profession with a rather small social scene, we tend to know other people who are also of the same profession this town, and thus everybody among our mutual friends ends up being everyone else's boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/colleague.
I've been seeing A (26/m) for the past 3 months. Everything's been going smoothly, we had been texting each other back and forth every other day so far. Last friday, after spending the evening with him walking along a boardwalk and having a very sweet time, he mentioned that there was a birthday party coming up the day after, held by two girls (one of which is my colleague B's girlfriend, and another who's an acquaintance). Since I'm friends with the former girl and wasn't invited to the party by her in any way (even though I ran into her and had drinks with her and her friends the same friday night, she never brought it up; and she has in the past invited me to some activities), I thought perhaps she had intended for it to be a more private gathering so I turned it down because I didn't be to be intrusive. Now thing is, I happened to have turned down a couple other things A has invited me to in the past (because it was always kind of last-minute and casual), and they all also happened to fall in the weekend. I decided to be honest and told him that I just wasn't comfortable with going to a party that I "wasn't really invited to it". And in the response, this is what I got from him:
"Actually, this is my fault I'm sure. You were invited but i'll make sure you feel comfortably invited in the future. Have a nice evening if you're just chilling out!"
At the time, I thought he was being sweet and thought nothing of it and told him I appreciated it. That was Saturday. So far today, I've asked him to see a movie (that we made plans to see last week) with me this week and have gotten a reply (a whole day afterwards) from him saying that he'd be available on Wednesday. I replied, making conversation but he hasn't replied since. It was unusual for him because from our interactions in the past even when was he was busy he was always good with responses. Later tonight I decided to give him a call since I came to a realization that he might be holding a grudge (judging by his text above) and wanted to explain and make small talk, but was directed to a voicemail after 4 rings...
SOO, I guess the question is, did I come off as high-maintenance with the whole thing about being uncomfortable with going to the birthday party? And was his text meant to be a sarcastic & angry response? Has he written me off for good? And really, has this question revealed any bigger issues concerning my attitude towards social etiquette and dating? I've already made a phone call, and definitely don't plan to call again. It seems like a petty issue, but I've never had such an abrupt end to a dating relationship so I don't really know how to react to this. I'd appreciate any insight. Thank you!