I thought the hard part was over...
February 4, 2013 9:39 PM Subscribe
ex four months ago. So how can I actually move on now that I've moved out?
posted by sockermom to human relations (22 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
How long will it take me to feel better? I know there's no easy timetable for this, but my life now seems to be centered around distracting myself from my pain and going to therapy. I've made new friends, I got a pet, I've started a few new enjoyable hobbies, and I'm able to do the bare minimum at work to scrape by without raising eyebrows (anything more than this feels impossible)... but everything just feels hollow.
It's not that I mind being alone (although when I'm by myself I feel worse), it's that I feel lost and rudderless. I don't even miss him, exactly, I don't know what exactly is making me sad: I can't understand it; I've thought a lot about it; and I just... feel empty.
I understand that this is likely just depression talking, but I've felt this way for months now and I don't know how to break the cycle. When am I going to wake up and be happy to greet the day without thinking of him and feeling utterly broken?
It's more difficult because I know he's moved on. He closed the door on me, I think when he realized that he wasn't going to be able to control me anymore. I know that this is for the best: I know it, I believe it, but I just... can't seem to get my emotions to match my logic.
I have a therapist; I go once a week. I'm also a member of a support group for survivors of domestic violence that meets weekly. I have friends I can talk to and have fun with and cry with and laugh with. Things are a lot better without him, objectively speaking. So why do I feel so bad, and when will it go away?
The pain is getting very severe, and I have had persistent negative thoughts all this week. I've called a hotline, I've talked to friends, and I'll talk to my therapist about this the next time I see her, but... why do things feel like they're getting worse the more time passes? When am I going to be OK again? Is there anything I can do to speed up this horrible, painful, sad process?
For background, we were together for nearly three years, and he definitely, unquestionably, abused me verbally, emotionally, and occasionally physically.