Should I do the next-day call after sex?
February 2, 2013 3:41 PM Subscribe
My boyfriend and I went out with another couple last night. She and I ended up having sex. What do I do?
posted by anonymous to human relations (16 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend of two months and I went out with a couple he has long been friends with, but who are new-ish to me - we have hung out a few times. I am female, to be clear. My boyfriend and I are 40, the guy component of the other couple is 30-ish, and the woman is quite young compared to the rest of us - late 20's, I believe. She's a firecracker in terms of personality.
My BF told me she is always wanting to hook up/kiss girls, etc., which was unremarkable except it led to the conversation wherein I told him I'd never kissed a girl. Again, unremarkable; that trend began a few years shy of my college experience in the South and we are all conventional in a number of ways - professionals who wear suits to work in conservative industries - but who are more liberal outside of work.
We went over to their place and for some reason after having a few drinks began doing shots. Lots of shots. It was one of those awesomely fun evenings you can't plan and end up one of your best memories. We were all laughing and hugging each other and being stupid - you know those nights. She led the shot-brigade and kept wanting more when the rest of us were kind of chilling out. There was also some dope-smoking going on.
She and I ended up on one sofa giving each other massages. Let me note at this juncture that her boyfriend has said from the beginning to my BF that he wishes we would make out. Well, she and I ended up in the bedroom having sex. The guys tried to come in and watch (which I would not have minded) but she shooed them out. My memory is hazy and she was the drunkest of us all so I'm sure hers is, too. At some point my BF retrieved me and we slept in another bedroom and departed before she awoke, in that groggy, hungover fashion that you do. The boyfriend let us out and seemed fine.
I think I need to insert here that my BF thought it was cool and neither of us consider it cheating. He was turned on and we agree that the cultural narrative regarding this may be wrong, but we are both more than okay with my having sex with women. The other BF is a bit more aggressive about becoming involved as a threesome in the action, and mine backed him off. BF was thrilled for me that I had my first experience and very concerned that I not feel guilty or wrong.
My question is: should I call her and just be all, hey, thanks for having us over, hope you are okay, we had a great time.
Or is it better to blow it off? I've never even kissed a woman and I feel like a cougar on girls! But I care about how she feels, very much so. Not about me, but about what transpired.
It might be relevant that I have never had sex outside of a loving relationship, and CERTAINLY not under these circumstances, so I'm not sure if I should do the next-day call. If I were a dude who went out with a woman I would DEFINITELY call the next day after having sex. But we are both women with boyfriends.
Can anyone help me sort this out? Many thanks.