when to hang on, and when to bail, when there is a lot of love, but also coldness
posted by frequently to human relations (11 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Looking for some external advice about my relationship
it#s been a pretty intense ride,
to start from the beginning
we met 7 days before i was to leave the country for 8 months, we both fell head over heels in love, it was blissful, spiritual, incredible, i've been in love before but nothing like this,
i couldnt not leave, that would have burnt all of my career bridges, so i decided to pay for her ticket to come and stay with me,
we spent nearly 3 months apart, on skype every day, talking, checking in, it was hard but also really nice
she arrived, i had a lot of work but we spent another blissful three months together, there were some problems but nothing insurmountable, she suffers from alcoholism and high levels of anxiety, i suffer from depression, despite it being hard we manage pretty well to be understanding of each others struggle through this and supportive of both of our struggles to better understand and even hopefully recover from our conditions, or at least find good ways to deal with them
she had to go back to our home country, she became very distant, was hard to talk to, it didnt help that her house didnt have internet so speaking was very expensive, i got pretty upset about her distance but she wasnt willing to talk about it, insisting everything was ok, patiently waiting for me to come back,
i returned to our home country with the intention to stay, i had a few work opportunities but somehow they all fell through, i had a back up plan of studying and was rejected from my course of study, my close friends here had all gone off oversea's as well to live, so i was pretty lonely without having any support network,
she was still very distant, i became jealous and anxious, she broke up with me, i was heart broken, depressed, im not normally a jealous person
she started seeing someone new,
then the shit hit the fan, she was pregnant, had an abortion, her boyfriend at the time wanted to marry her, start a family, the child was mine.
she broke it off with him and said that she missed me, wants to be with me, we had a few good weeks but now she is distant again, i understand she has gone something incredibly painful, but im also in need of reassurance,
i am very supportive and thoughtful and independent, but she says no she is still unsure if our relationship is a good idea, but she says she loves me, and i absolutely love her, but this situation is not good for me,
we both have support from psychiatrists and psychologists and so on,
i just dont know what to do, i know her distance is her own way of going through this tough time, but its a tough time for me too and i need closeness but she cant offer that, and im not sure if i should wait it out, if i did i know it would be worth it, but its hard to know what to do when someone is like 'i love you' then super distant...
i know most people would just say 'bail' but im not sure i can do that, i spent three years waiting for that teenage feeling, and when it came it was so good, but now who knows...