Figuring out guidelines for friends with benefits situation
January 27, 2013 4:33 PM Subscribe
I am starting a casual relationship/FWB situation. Previously, I'd only had sex in a relationship or a one night stand. What should I be thinking about ahead of time? What are some guidelines/general expectations that you've used in this situation?
posted by anonymous to human relations (7 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
A few days ago, I had sex with a friend. We know each other through a mutual friend and while I like him, he's not a close friend and our main friend groups are very separate. (I'm female and mid twenties, he's a few years older)
It was just the two of us hanging out together, and after a movie, I said that I'd like to have sex with him but if I was reading the situation wrong or he didn't want to, I was totally okay with just watching another movie or heading out or whatever. He said essentially the same thing and we had some really good sex. Afterwards, while we were cuddling, I said that I did not want any kind of serious relationship with anyone right now, but did want to have sex with him again if he wanted to. If he didn't want to have sex again, we could return to our very low key friend situation. He immediately agreed that he didn't want a serious relationship either but was definitely okay with repeating the sex. I slept over, we had a second round in the morning and left it open as to when we'd meet up next.
I am fairly good at separating out actual feelings from lust and I will be traveling in a few months and then almost certainly living in a totally different country, so there is a clear cut ending. I'm good at being honest and blunt when I need to be and at least in terms of physical sex, we didn't have any problems communicating what we did and didn't want.
Before anything happens again, I want to make sure we're on the same page because right now, I see it as a non-exclusive, FWB situation. However, I'm not sure if by saying very casual relationship rather than FWB, he could possibly have interpreted it as exclusive? (A little worried about this because he mentioned that he really hates condoms and would prefer it if I was on the pill instead, but I see that as a exclusive thing b/c of STDs). Stuff like cuddling and making me breakfast is a little ambiguous.
What I'm looking for is what other people have considered normal boundaries and guidelines in this situation. Is staying the night normal? How much, if any, texting/calling is too much for FWB? Where's the line being low-key date and hook-up? When does exclusivity come in to it?
I realize this is all going to vary and I need to talk about this with him, but I want to hear what other people have done and how it worked and any advice you might have.