I'm just a gal who caint say "No" - I'm in a terribul fix
January 26, 2013 8:01 AM Subscribe
Sex and social life is all screwy. FWB, hookups, extreme libido - need help!
posted by anonymous to human relations (18 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I will bold my particular issues.
So 2 years out of my sexless and loyal marriage, I have an excessive libido. I want sex all the time, even after I've just had it. As an example, my FWB was determined to break all records with me, and even after a mad 36 hours of sex, I wanted more. And as a truly unbelievable twist, despite years of trying (really, I have) I rarely achieve orgasm through masturbation. I just end up more frustrated. Yes, I have a toy. Yes, I have practiced with a number of different techniques. I really don't think masturbation is going to be the solution to my problem.
And this brings me to problem 2. I know my FWB is not good for me. Oh, he's a lovely guy, and extremely awesome in bed, but he's very open and honest about his agenda which is twofold: to have sex with as many women as he can while he's single, and to find a permanent partner /wife (which I don't rate as). While I'm okay with the first, mostly, I really don't like the competition and the possibility that any one of the women he sleeps with may mean the end of my relationship with him. I've tried to end it twice but - sex!
So thirdly, get another sex partner right? But in two years of internet dating, I've mostly experienced crappy dates, or one-night stands (icky - not good for me emotionally - but because I want sex I do it anyway), and oh, nice things like dates who I did have sex with but who turned into platonic friends instead and who do not want to go back there. I have no idea how people get married within 12 months of their spouse dying - the logistics of it blow my mind.
Okay, about me? I'm mid 40s. I have a pleasant face (according to one of my plato-guys), and my FWB assures me I'm incredibly sexy even tho overweight (and losing consistently last 3 months). I'm self employed, sense of humour, independent, live alone, have multiple interests, can converse about just about anything, kind, smart - I wouldn't say I'm a catch, but neither am I terrible.
Added difficulty? Depression & social anxiety (mostly controlled by medication but aggravated by loneliness and upset with dating situation) and ADHD.
So I need to stop seeing FWB, I know I do. I need to stop picking up randoms on the internet and having sex with them. Yep. These are things I stop doing. Tell me what I need to start doing.
Throwaway email: email@example.com
PS Yes, I have recently had an STI test.