How can I be supportive to a friend under these weird circumstances?
January 25, 2013 6:59 PM Subscribe
I'm a woman, my friend is a guy, both 30-something. We work together, and recently started having music jam sessions that have gone really well. He's been contacting me a lot, and we've opened up to each other about stuff. It's all been platonic.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (13 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Things are complicated. Last summer, he was with a girl who fell pregnant and claimed it was his, but he doesn't know if he believes her. She had the baby yesterday. He never wanted this child and doesn't want to be with her. He wants her to get a paternity test and he is willing to step up if the child is his.
He texted me in the middle of the night saying how unhappy he was. I texted him back and said I'd be around if he needed someone to talk to and he replied "no, things are too weird. I really hate my life."
Looking back at our friendship interactions, I'm seeing signs in hindsight that he may (despite wanting to keep it platonic due to not complicating his life further) have developed romantic feelings for me. That last text of his seems to hint that he's thinking that it is too "weird" to be developing such a close friendship with me when he has to figure out the baby situation.
I am currently in a relationship (though it is undefined and there is no commitment at this point). He knows this. I've never breeched the friend boundary with him. He's attractive and we're really compatible, so it's not like I wouldn't, under better circumstances. We haven't spoken of anything like that, though.
I want to be supportive, but I don't want to cause more complications. What is the kindest thing I can do or say for him whilst he sorts all this out? I don't want to ignore him at work, but if just talking to me is stressing him out I will back off. I don't know what to say to him at this point. We were supposed to get together tonight, in fact. Should I just let him know that I am here for him if he needs me but I understand he needs time to sort things out?