Should I cancel my date?
January 24, 2013 7:54 PM Subscribe
I arranged a date with one guy, then had another absolutely fantastic date in the interim, & really want to focus on that. Should I cancel the other date?
posted by littlegreen to human relations (19 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Backstory: Last summer, I had a great (& relatively long!) exchange of OKCupid messages with a guy we'll call Guy 1, who lives about an hour away from me. The exchange fizzled out, partly because I was leaving the country for a while & partly because he never asked me out. A few months later, I was back on OKCupid & both of us were single, so I re-messaged him and we made arrangements to meet up this weekend.
However, I also had two other first dates planned for this week. The first of these dates (with Guy 2) went AMAZINGLY, so much so that I'm actually a little infatuated. This is rare for me - I've never had a first date that went so well or had so much of a spark. When I went on the second date (with Guy 3), I had a ton of fun and really liked him as a person, but I kept thinking about Guy 2. I am definitely seeing Guy 2 again. Guy 3 wants to meet up again and I already feel bad about wanting to nicely reject him (normally I'd go on a second date).
However, there's still the looming date with Guy 1, and I have no clue whether I should cancel that or not. I'm normally super pragmatic about dating, and try to go on as many first dates as possible, but - again - I've never felt this kind of immediate connection before.
Reasons for cancellation:
- Guy 1 would have to drive more than an hour each way, since I don't have a car. I don't want to waste his time (it would be different if it were just a coffee date)
- I'm almost (though not 100%) sure that I won't like him more than Guy 2, and I don't want to lead him on
- Dating is stressful enough when I actually want to go on the date
- IF Guy 1 likes me, I'll probably have to go through another awkward rejection (worsened by the fact that I already anticipated it!) If he doesn't, then he's wasted his time anyway.
Reasons to keep the date:
- I really, really liked Guy 1 when we were first messaging, and I'm sure we could have a fun conversation
- I've only been on ONE date with Guy 2, & even though I like him a lot, I don't know where it's headed or if he's even looking for a relationship. (His profile says he's seeking short-term dating - no mention of long-term.)
- There's always a chance I'll like Guy 1 more
- (shallow, but:) There aren't many young, single, liberal guys in my area, & I feel like it would be dumb to pass up a date with one
(there's also the option of telling Guy 1 but offering to hang out as friends - but I don't know if that would be insulting.)
I am probably obsessing way too much over this, but I really can't decide. If you were Guy 1, what would you want me to do?