My boyfriend's kid is here for a month. Should I be a presence?
January 22, 2013 4:58 PM Subscribe
My boyfriend has a kid from his previous marriage, who is now long distance. He'll be coming to stay for a month in a few months, and I'm not sure what to do! (so many snowflake details!)
posted by euphoria066 to human relations (22 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend is divorced, his ex-wife had a son, who became his son! His son will be 12. Around the time we started dating his kid and ex-wife moved across the country back to her home.
His son will be coming for a month to stay pretty soon. Boyfriend and I are serious, though I've never met his son because when he moved away I was still new. We don't live together, and we don't see each other every day, but we generally spend the entire weekend together since boyfriend owns a house In The Boonies. His son has never been a part of our relationship, since he was moved away for much of it, and when he was it wasn't a big deal to skip seeing each other for a week out of 3.
But now I feel like we're building a life together, and it's strange that he has a son I've never met. And I'd like to meet him! and we can be.. friends? I like kids and I like my boyfriend and since he raised him I bet he'll be a cool kid, we can play video games and wax nerd about things, me and 12 year old boys get on fine, in general.
but at the same time I feel like Son is coming to visit with Dad, and "Dad" is not a role I'm used to. it would be easy enough for me to back off pretty far for the month he's here, let them be boys together and drop by for a day on the weekend or something, maybe do an outing or something. This is sort of my natural inclination, since I feel like.. I don't know, this isn't a part of his life I really belong in? I would like to be around a little, since I'm important, and he should get to know me, but...
or am I over-thinking this? should I spend weekends there, cook dinners, stay nights, generally act like his Dad's Serious Girlfriend? and that would be more natural? it feels awkward to me, but boyfriend's approximation of how time will go is a little closer to that. but I feel like he has such limited time with him that I would just be in the way of their father/son time.
(a bit of a side note. after BF and XWife got divorced, he had a new girlfriend move in with him about 6 months later after about 3 months of dating. this didn't go too well, she wasn't too nice to Son and was generally uncool. I don't know the full details, but I feel like this is relevant because that is the last experience Son has had with Dad dating, and while I'm totally awesome and will of course be super nice to him, I could understand him having reservations about me being around too much.)
I guess I'm hoping for anecdotes or thoughts! anything would be helpful. I feel relentlessly nervous about meeting his son (such an important person!) but I'm not trying to get out of that, just figure out the parameters of what's acceptable. I just want to make things as smooth and happy and fulfilling as they can be for their short visit.