Very excited about a new guy I'm seeing. We were getting hot & heavy and he admitted to having performance anxiety issues, that he would like to go slow, and just needs to get comfortable with me. What can I do to ease his mind... & body? Slightly NSFW.
posted by hollypolly to human relations (13 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Just started dating a guy I am really, really excited about. We get along so well, he makes me laugh, I think he's attractive and kind and sweet etc etc etc. Generally just giddy about the whole thing.
The night of our third date, things started to progress sexually, and then he pulled back and said he needed to discuss something. He mentioned that he has had problems in the past being nervous with new people, and that it takes time for him to feel comfortable and at ease, and that this affects him sexually. He said that he's generally abstained from experiences as a younger guy because of this issue. Few details: he's in his early 30's, I'm in my late 20's. About a year ago he ended a very long-term relationship (pretty much spanning his 20's), and from what I gathered from our convo, she is the only person he's slept with. I'm the first person since that relationship to get this far. I know he's really excited about me too, so I'm flattered things have progressed to this point. However, I'm a bit nervous as to how to proceed.
I'm fairly sexually experienced, having had a few serious relationships and flings in between. While one of my exes experienced performance anxiety mostly relating to condom-usage, I haven't really come across this in the past, and I'd just like some advice as to how to handle this, both physically and emotionally: how do I make him feel more comfortable, is there anything I shouldn't be doing? saying?
I feel I handled the discussion pretty well, I was supportive and tried to be as comforting and assuring as I could be. I told him that we'll just take our time, no rush, that I like him a lot and that I just want him to feel at ease with me. I spent the night, and we mostly just made out and cuddled, with a bit of fondling mixed in. It's currently that time of the month for me, so there was no action below the belt. There were moments where he was hard, and then it would go away, and I would simply move my hand and caress his chest, belly, etc. Was that the right thing to do? Should I have continued until he was erect again? In previous relationships, that's what I would have done, but I thought perhaps with him it would make him feel pressured?
I'll be seeing him again tomorrow night, and I'd like to go down on him, or at least try, and I'm wondering if any one has tips or tricks as to how to ease him into it? Of course if he's nervous or visibly uncomfortable, I won't, but I'd like to try.
Also, I've been contemplating going back on the pill for acne-related issues, but this has got me thinking that I should go back on so that in the future (after getting tested, etc), the condom doesn't further hinder the act? Has anyone found that helpful?
Any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated! I really, really like this guy, and I want to do all I can to set him at ease.