TRAPPED

August 29, 2005 11:15 PM

Help! Awkward social catch-22 filter.

I am leaving the place I'm in at the moment in less than three months, after which I will never see any of the people I know here ever again. In my youthful naivete, I got involved with one of the girls who lives in the same house and same floor as me. Problem is, I can't stand her anymore. She's clingy as hell, acts like a ten year old and I am NEVER ALONE. I want to get out of this "relationship" or whatever it is before I LOSE MY MIND. I can't stand to be around her anymore, let alone have sex and sleep in the same bed with her.

Problem: I brought up the fact that I am leaving soon and that we should probably stop this before it goes anywhere, and she replied with "If you do this, I don't want to see you around anymore" and then proceeded to tell me that, as a result, I wouldn't be able to hang out with our mutual friends anymore. I fully believe this.

What can I possibly do? I don't want to be around her for another second, but I don't want to spend my remaining time here bored and lonely. I also don't want, on principle, her blackmailing me into staying with her, especially when I am QUITE sure I can't deal with her anymore.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do?

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (11 answers total)

Well, Chandler Anonymous, I'd just go to a few of the mutual friends and make sure they'd not hold a breakup against you. Assuming you're reassured, then tell Janice your girlfriend where to get off. Seriously, she has no right to hold that over you, and if she's such a nasty piece of work, her friends would probably side with you in this.

I'd get on it fast, because she may already be bad-mouthing you, just in case her threat didn't work....
posted by rob511 at 11:52 PM on August 29, 2005

Just what I was about to say. I'll add that you should be careful not to bad-mouth her. Be seen as the one that is trying to get on with everyone.
posted by edd at 11:56 PM on August 29, 2005

I'd rather be bored and lonely than put up with her, that's for sure. You might find out which of the friends are worth hanging out with, though, once they start choosing sides or rising above the whole thing.
posted by callmejay at 12:31 AM on August 30, 2005

Let her act like a 10-year old by spreading rumors, taking sides, etc. If you want to show that you are grown up then you shouldn't do the same. Ignore her to begin with and definitely rise above her murky shadow by not getting into discussions about her with those friends. Don't be afraid of a few baseless rumors.
posted by JJ86 at 12:54 AM on August 30, 2005

Step 1: Be clear with her about your feelings and why, but don't be cruel or brutal. Set your limits and stick with them. Don't cave in out of pity or potential loneliness or hormones.

Step 2: Ignore that co-dependent horsecrap she's spouting off about having exclusive rights to your mutual friends. That's utterly uncalled for, juvenile, and unwarranted.

I've been in similar situations. Guess what? I'm still friends with those people - even after a bizarre love triangle and a whole lot of inter-friend stress - and that girl is nowhere to be found. She quickly ousted herself from the circle of friends with her own shenanigans.
posted by loquacious at 3:12 AM on August 30, 2005

You won't be seeing those people in a few months anyway, so even if the worst happens and she is able to make it difficult to hang out with them, the loss is pretty minimal.
posted by OmieWise at 6:17 AM on August 30, 2005

Get. Out. Now.

And hey, if your friends take her side and don't want to see you anymore, then you can use this time to catch up on your reading.
posted by bshort at 7:55 AM on August 30, 2005

I echo the "get out at all costs" theme.

If your mutual friends ditch you, you can still go out and have fun on your own (Unless you are at a base in antarctica or some other isolated community where these people are the only game in town). Meet some locals, explore, etc. Just get out of that relationship.
posted by necessitas at 8:23 AM on August 30, 2005

It's less than 90 days. Even if all your friends disappeared, which they wouldn't, its only 90 days. Go, leave now.
posted by Pollomacho at 9:06 AM on August 30, 2005

If those people would hose you off like that because of a reasonably amicable split they're douchebags and getting free of them is a gift. It may not be pleasant to experience for three months but it's never too soon to stop being poisoned by shitty people.
posted by phearlez at 11:55 AM on August 30, 2005

Break up and let her do what she'll do. You really might have earned some of the backlash, but you shouldn't worry about it. You screwed up by leading this girl on, but these things happen... it's probably not likely that you will lose the mutual friends, anyway. Surely you can see them without her around?

Go out and meet new people, which is sometimes easier to do when you tell people that you're only in town for 3 more months.
posted by fleacircus at 12:24 PM on August 30, 2005