Stay on target....stay on target
January 16, 2013 3:21 PM Subscribe
Looking for experiences related to reconnecting with estranged family for very limited purposes.
posted by angrycat to Human Relations (5 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Friends, I need your counsel to maintain my zen. A very mentally ill brother --the only immediate fam I keep in touch with -- is in a slow motion crisis. He is in a group home, but his behavior has become at times hostile and confrontational. Simply put, he is a beat or two away from going back to jail. Which would be better than death by cop, but that's an option, too.
For a zillion reasons, I have cut off contact with all members of the family. Prior to that, there have been confrontations so heated it was like bombs going off in my head. I need to keep my temper. But I also need to marshal resources on my brother's behalf.
But, here's the rub: as per my bro's caregiver, there seems to be some nexus between some of my bro's worrisome behavior and his interactions with other members of my family. I have not once in the history of time been able to go yo not cool to my fam without answering fullisades of fireworks. But these are things I would address -- when you, family member, does x, it hurts my bro because why.
What I want: to avoid my family. What I need: to help my brother w.o needlessly antagonizing anybody. Yes, I have left a message with his case manager. I will reach out to any other member of his treatment team I can.
I've left things vague here but given my most recent convo with his caregiver this is not some phantasm of my mind manifesting because of years of family aaaahfucknomakeitstop. What I am less sure of is whether interacting with my family will help things, even if I am noncharacterstically saintly.
I am in therapy, my therapists opinion is to go through my bros treatment team and leave my fam out. But my gut is gnawing somewhat at this -- I feel like a less than good person for not at least trying once again to be yo not cool. Is there a version of yo not cool that will penetrate even terribly dysfunctional family relationships?