Fell for someone who lives far away. What now?
January 15, 2013 6:52 PM Subscribe
I met a guy who was only here for 2 weeks visiting. Unexpectedly, I really like him a lot, and I need some advice on what to do next.
posted by anonymousme to human relations (20 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
"David" went to grad school in my town and now lives on another continent. He came back for a week to visit his school friends. I also happen to know those friends, so we met at a party. We ended up talking until the party ended and everyone left, then walking back to his hotel and kissing. Then I said good night and went home by myself.
We did the exact same thing the second night, and this time David asked me to come in to his room. I told him straightforwardly that I was not going to because he was not going to stay in my town and I did not want to get hurt by having sex with him and then never hearing from him again once he went home. He kept trying to convince me but also said he understood what I was saying. So, I went home by myself that night too. He ended up asking to see me every day that he was here, and we went to brunches, dinners, and parties together, and did other activities like playing tennis too.
One one of the nights, I did agree to come into his hotel room and sleep but only under the condition that we really were going to sleep and I was not going to take any clothes off. So, that's what happened. After he did that, he didn't try to get me to sleep in his room again because he said it was too frustrating. But he still kept asking me to spend time with him every day.
The biggest reason I did not want to have sex with him was that I did not want to develop feelings for him. I knew from the start that he was leaving and I thought it would just be fun to make out with him a couple of times while he was here. Unfortunately, I ended up developing feelings for him anyway, which I was not expecting when I first met him. After spending so much time with him the past two weeks I found out that he is really awesome. We have a lot to talk about, we have a ton of fun together, and I am strongly attracted to him.
He is spending the next 3 days in a nearby city and then is going to fly back home to a different continent from there.
We already said goodbye to each other when he left this city to go to the nearby one. Neither of us said anything about any of it continuing at all. He also has been telling all of our mutual friends that there is no way he can take any more trips this year, because of the academic job that he has, and he probably would not be able to come back for at least a year and a half. So, when we said goodbye, he said "See you next time, whenever that is." And we hugged and that was it. I congratulated myself on being very realistic and rational and calmly accepting the fact that nothing else was possible.
Now I am second guessing everything!!! Because I really like him and I want to try dating him and seeing where it goes. But I know that any attempt to do that would be extreme by definition because of the situation. I don't want to let him go like this because I feel like someone else is going to snap him up, when he goes back.
Should I call him and say I changed my mind and I want to come to the nearby city where he is and sleep with him before he leaves?
Should I say I want to try to have an LDR? I kind of think that would be really nuts, a really unrealistic bad idea, and wouldn't work, and I also think that he would feel the same way and say no, and then I would feel like an idiot. We just do not know each other well enough to commit to something like that.
There is one last thing. I didn't tell him about this at all, but I have been applying for jobs on his continent for the past month or so, long before I got involved with him, just to see what would happen. And, I am starting to get some interested replies back. Nothing super near to him, but close enough. Should I say something about this to him? I wouldn't want him to think I was doing it because of him. But at the same time, I'm worried that if I didn't tell him, things would fizzle out or he would meet someone else before I got there. I wish I could just reserve him or something.
Anyway, should I say something at all to him or just let it lie? I'm trying to be rational here. I really like him, and even though I meet a lot of people, it's not that common for me to find guys I really like. At the same time, I don't believe at all in the concept of soulmates, and I think there are other people who I'd like just as much as him, and I think there are plenty of other women out there for him too.