Is it appropriate to get married for the third time?
January 13, 2013 4:56 PM Subscribe
Can I do an Angelina Jolie and get married for a third time while still maintaining my integrity? Please help me with your opinion.
posted by Youremyworld to human relations (38 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
About me: I’m 30, female, 7 year old daughter from first marriage (joint custody with her father).
I was married when I was 21 and had my daughter about a year later. A year after that I left due to the abusive nature of the marriage and was fully supported by my family and the marriage counsellor we were both seeing. I found out very soon after that my husband was not well liked among my family and his controlling/abuse was more well-known than I had thought.
I moved into another relationship quite soon after and my daughter and I moved in with this man. We then became engaged and bought a house together. We were married after being together for 6 years. 7 months later he committed suicide. Amongst all the grief and chaos of the situation I did find myself occasionally embarrassed at the fact that I had 2 ‘failed’ marriages. I also theorise that my husband may have also felt this way because we had hit a rough patch due to his depression and I was at the point of asking him to get help for the sake of our relationship. I wonder if his choice to end his life was partly (even a small part) due to worry that the marriage might end. Perhaps that is irrelevant.
Fast forward and I have been in a new relationship for just on a year. My new partner has moved interstate to live with my daughter and I. Things are great. We kept our relationship very quiet for a few months, more so because it was long distance but also to gauge the response of people to my ‘moving on’, which has been mostly positive albeit after a few inital issues with my parents which we overcame. We spent the holidays with my family and had a very nice time.
Lately I have been thinking about marriage. It’s very important to me due to my previous experience. My husband died without a will, life insurance etc and I found that being married had sorted out a lot of the administrative issues. Everything became mine, there was no question of ownership of the house, car, assets, debts etc. Even his superannuation (401k) went to me with no questions asked. In hindsight I was so glad that we did get married. I feel that if my partner and I were to become financially involved, I would like us to be legally married at some point, rather than swear off marriage altogether.
But I can’t get over the niggling feeling that it will reflect on me negatively if I get married for a third time! I’m actually embarrassed and worried my family and friends will see me as a celebrity type who acts impulsively and doesn’t see the bigger picture.
I’d love some outsider opinions. How would you react to a friend/family member getting married for a third time? Would you roll your eyes and say ‘not again’ or would you be genuinely happy for them? Would you be resentful of going to another wedding, or feel left out if they eloped? I want to know how the court of public opinion views my situation.