Have any ~30 year old women here broken off long relationships?
January 11, 2013 6:06 PM Subscribe
Hi. So I am a 30 year old woman dating a 37 year old guy. We started dating back when I was 22 and he was 29. I was pretty young then really now I think about it. Early days were great. However we've now been in a rut for the past 8 months or so and I'm starting to question whether I should make the effort to help fix things,... or whether it might be better to breakup. What is it like to be a newly single woman in her early thirties after the breakdown of a long relationship? I had always thought we would end up married, with kids and a house together. :(
posted by ohayo_lion to human relations (32 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
Of course, like all these stories go, we had an awesome first few years together. We moved in together after about a year after hooking up and so have lived together for about 7 years. The early years were heaps of fun. We would basically go out partying with our friends every weekend, come home and have hot sex. Although we've always both had jobs, other than that we didn't have any 'adult' focus on our lives. This was fine as we were both still in our 20s.
I am realised that for the past 8 months we have been sliding sliding sliding into a stalemate of sorts. I am a highschool teacher and had an extremely stressful year at work last year. Unfortunately I did tend to bring that stress home. Somewhere along the line our sex life became almost non-existent. I don't have a high sex drive and didn't really notice or mind - at times I even felt relieved that I wouldn't have to pretend. He has not mentioned this at all, but what I am observing is that now he seems to be withholding emotional support/romance - and I am assuming this is because I have not been having sex with him. I have not been holding off on sex on purpose. But is he perhaps perceiving as such and now withholding emotion in response? Is that something that guys do?
Now that he is withholding emotion/romance I feel like our relationship has become nothing. Sex has almost gone to zero, because even if I felt like it I don't feel the emotional connection and therefore am not compelled to sleep with him. Sadly I also feel like I am losing attraction for him altogether.
Have any women here ended long relationships when they were about my age? I am not sure if ending this relationship is the right thing to do. I know all relationships have their ups and downs, but at the root of this I am really starting to question whether I want to commit to this person for the rest of my life. I had thought that I had wanted to get married, but I am scared that if we were to marry (with me having reservations) and then I broke it off after a year or two - then this would shatter him so much more than breaking up now would (although I am fairly certain this would shatter him and I would probably go into a lengthy depression).
Apart from the lack of sex a big problem in our relationship is him not growing up at all. I have to make sure all our financial paperwork is sorted (he won't do it at all). If were were to get married, buy a house, have kids,... it would all be initiated by me. If we go on a holiday I have to iniatite it and plan it. Basically he is just cruising. Now I am 30 and he is 37 I would like us to be more adult-like in our lives - planning things together, working things out together, but I am not sure he has progressed as an adult in the time we have been together. Is this pretty common of guys?
Any comments or advice would be most appreciated.