Should I end this relationship?
January 8, 2013 7:59 PM Subscribe
So I've known this guy for 3 months and have been dating him for almost 2 months. We jumped into an official relationship pretty quickly and now I'm having second thoughts. Please advice on if you think I should continue the relationship or end things now?
posted by CheeseAndRice to human relations (49 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Ever since this guy and I started dating we had an instant connection and I grew to like him a lot. We moved really fast in that we didn't really date for long before jumping into being exclusive and official. He had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship 2 months before we started dating which made me uneasy and I expressed this to him which he understood and we both agreed to take things slowly. However we spent a lot of time together and he stayed over my place a lot and things just progressed to the point where we both decided we didn't want to date other people.
However now that I've gotten to know him more I'm having second thoughts and not sure if I should just end things now or wait it out to give the relationship a chance. I've observed certain qualities in him that I don't like but at the same time, I'm not sure that they are deal breakers.
For one, I'm 5 years younger than him (I'm in late twenties and he's in mid thirties) but I'm more accomplished financially and career wise; I make 6 figures and own my own place whereas he's not happy with his job or salary and is renting a place I've never been invited to bc he's embarrassed to show me. We take turns paying for dinners when we go out which is fine by me bc i don't expect the guy to pay for everything but it kind of sucks that every time we hang out we have to hang out at my place. And we never went on many "dates", after the 1st date we pretty much grew into a routine where we spent time at my place watching TV then going to bed. I feel like he was so used to being in longterm relationships that he just picked up where he left off with his other relationship with me.
He's expressed desire to go back to school to change his career but has also mentioned a few different paths and careers he wants to look into and they're all very different directions. I'm afraid that he's one of those "dreamers", all talk and no follow through but I can't tell yet.
Another thing i've noticed is that he becomes very horny when he's drunk. We initially decided to wait 3 months before sex but we both got drunk 1 month into the relationship and went all the way, partly bc he was so aggressive. I thought this was a 1 time occurrence but recently he got drunk again and was very sexually aggressive, even after i told him i was tired and didn't want to but he kept petitioning me and asking so i finally gave in. He apologized the next morning for being so aggressive and selfish and when he's sober he's the most patient and no-pressure guy ever but its still a turn off that he becomes so caveman-like when he's drunk.
Also he's not a take charge type of guy. Im used to the guy planning the dates or taking charge of certain situations but I feel like I come up with most of the plans and decisions. This one time my friend invited us over to her house for wine and food and we were going to take a cab with her and her BF to a bar. I didn't have any cash on me so before we got in the cab i expressed to him that I think that he should pay for the cab ride just to be polite and return the hospitality but when the cab arrived he didn't make the move to so my friend's BF paid. I then told him we should pay for the cab fare back to be fair and he joked that he was cheap and wanted to see if he could get away with not doing so (aka letting my friend's BF pay again??). That was a big turn off for me.
Also, my friends have met him and they tell me that they think he's dull and not that remarkable and that I could do better since I was more successful financially and more attractive. He also has health problems; they're not life threatening but I do tend to look at health as a factor in considering a life-long relationship. All of these factors have made me less attracted to him and I'm seriously considering breaking things off but he also has a lot of good qualities too.
He's such a nice guy and is an awesome communicator, which is a quality that i really value. He likes to talk through any problems that we might have and is very open to me. He's also very caring, loving and supportive and has expressed to me that he's never felt so strongly about anyone before and that I inspire him to improve himself for us. We have fun when we're together and he's very affectionate and gives me a lot of affirmation and quality time (which is refreshing since my ex was the opposite in these regards). He's expressed a desire to be with me long term already. What do you guys think? Should I dump him and keep looking or stick with it and give it more time?